We all fear for the future, man. I have often wondered if I will be able to function on my own. I am 30 and still live at home with a very decent job, for goodness sakes. I have never even been on a date. That alone is pretty sad!
I keep looking at people my age who are married and have children, while I am so lonely. But you know what, they have no clue what it is like to be me and they probably couldn't handle it.
With what you are telling me, you are obviously in some pain because you have turned to a coping mechanism. This part is from my own experience. Many of us in here would love to make the pain go away, but the only way to do it is to feel the burn and get through it the best way we know how. Alcohol and drugs only add to the problem because it's basically denial. "I don't like marijuana, I just like the smell" kind of thinking. We are pushing away the feelings.
To tell you truth, I think you did the right thing in posting your feelings whether you thought you were ranting or not. Yes, I did read the WHOLE thing. I want you to know that we will be here for you if you need us. It just hurts me to read other people hurting the way they are.
I can relate to you a lot, and you sound a more extreme case of me.
I've heard that this herb Kudzu is good for alcoholism. It is supposed to help absorb alcohol more, so you don't need as much to drink. Although, that might work better for casual and dieting drinkers.
With weed, it perplexes people on this message board, but the state of unreality and spontaneous creativity keeps me feeling optimistic more often than not, so I can relate on that.
btw, why didn't you move across the country, and where were you going to move?