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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am hypersensitive to criticism & my bf often complains he cant say anything even remotely negative sounding to me without my response sounding defensive...these responses generally escalate into arguments in which I often become too frustrated & emotionally overwhelmed to even properly explain my side much less calmly resolve the problem. I also have difficulty with being assertive which prevents me from speaking up about things I like/dislike & with expressing affection verbally...although I have no issues with being physically affectionate or with writing things out.

Does anyone else have similar issues in their relationships? Or know of any good resources? I have been on & off again with my bf for 3 years partially due to continuous fighting over these types of issues...it is getting old for both of us.
 

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Lucky for me, my girlfriend is imaginary, so she doesn't care how messed up I am one bit. In fact, she prefers it.
 

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yes, I have similar issues in my relationship...I try to respect how my husband feels, tho and give him time when I'm upset...otherwise, I say too many irrational things and that doesn't help. I have to remind myself not to blame him for my problems. After 20 years of marriage, you realize that compromise and patience are very important! :)
 

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I'm the one who just goes blank and can't think of anything to say when he's upset with me. He'll go on and on about what I did, why he's upset with me, what went wrong, and I'll just sit there not saying a word. He will then be like "well? Are you going to say anything?" And my mind is blank. He thinks I don't care. I really like to write out my feelings because that way I can get everything out the way I need to.

Our relationship is generally really good, though. We get along wonderfully and both enjoy the same thing... staying at home and hanging out with each other lol.

Another problem... well I don't think it's actually a problem, more like one that I've just created in my own mind lol... is that I feel like he has to take care of me in certain situations. Family gatherings, going out and hanging with his friends (which we RARELY do), going to a wedding, etc. He knows these types of social situations make me very uncomfortable so he does his best to stay with me all the time, but obviously I can't ALWAYS be glued to his side. I feel like a moron because of it... I have come to terms with it. I've told him plenty of times how I'm afraid he'll get sick of it and go and get a "normal" girlfriend. But really, what is normal? He likes the way I am and the way I act much more than most girls and says I'm perfect for him, and he's happy to deal with a "little bit of anxiety" if it means that he gets to be with me. Still though, he has to "deal" with my anxiety, I don't want him to have to "deal" with me. Arrghh. I'm reading too much into it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm the one who just goes blank and can't think of anything to say when he's upset with me. He'll go on and on about what I did, why he's upset with me, what went wrong, and I'll just sit there not saying a word. He will then be like "well? Are you going to say anything?" And my mind is blank. He thinks I don't care. I really like to write out my feelings because that way I can get everything out the way I need to.
I have had this happen to me so many times its unreal...but seriously if you cant get things out verbally at least do the writing part because that is better than nothing and eventually you can build up to other things. Sometimes when I have a difficult issue to talk about I will write out what I want to say prior & use my notes...but only when Im on the phone (of course) lol. Really it could help in any situation because it straightens out your thoughts if nothing else. I have also just used email to communicate with my bf about certain things...that is a wonderful relief because its so low stress in comparison...
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Another problem... well I don't think it's actually a problem, more like one that I've just created in my own mind lol... is that I feel like he has to take care of me in certain situations. Family gatherings, going out and hanging with his friends (which we RARELY do), going to a wedding, etc. He knows these types of social situations make me very uncomfortable so he does his best to stay with me all the time, but obviously I can't ALWAYS be glued to his side. I feel like a moron because of it... I have come to terms with it. I've told him plenty of times how I'm afraid he'll get sick of it and go and get a "normal" girlfriend. But really, what is normal? He likes the way I am and the way I act much more than most girls and says I'm perfect for him, and he's happy to deal with a "little bit of anxiety" if it means that he gets to be with me. Still though, he has to "deal" with my anxiety, I don't want him to have to "deal" with me. Arrghh. I'm reading too much into it.
Its great he is so supportive but realistically if you dont want him to have to 'deal' with it then that means you have to 'deal' with it. Getting to the point where you are, not necessarily comfortable, but at least not filled with anxiety in those situation should hopefully get easier with time & a little work...especially if you get to know some of his other family & friends. :)
 

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I would say my SA doesn't affect my marriage as much as my emotional instability. When I feel the least bit ignored by my husband I kinda go off the edge. I don't think at all before I speak. I can get very irrational and cry and say things I don't mean. I wish I could change how I handle my emotions cause I know it affects our relationship. My husband is amazing, though. He always accepts and loves me no matter how crazy I get.
 
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