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I have this fear of getting into a long conversation with someone as I'm afraid I won't pick up on the social cues they are giving me - as in they are annoyed or bored or whatever and will talk about me after I walk away. I experience other people doing that to other co-workers (like right after they leave - "OMG she is so annoying" or making fun of what they said) so I'm really anxious that will happen to me too and then I'll feel like crap.

I guess I assume people won't like me or already don't like me so I avoid those people, or keep conversations brief, etc.

How does one get over this problem? Any suggestions?
 

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I have this fear of getting into a long conversation with someone as I'm afraid I won't pick up on the social cues they are giving me - as in they are annoyed or bored or whatever and will talk about me after I walk away. I experience other people doing that to other co-workers (like right after they leave - "OMG she is so annoying" or making fun of what they said) so I'm really anxious that will happen to me too and then I'll feel like crap.

I guess I assume people won't like me or already don't like me so I avoid those people, or keep conversations brief, etc.
I am exactly like this, I have seen so many people saying things about others behind their back, yet when talking to those others they act as if they are friends with them, so I have become convinced that as soon as I leave a room, someone who was being friendly with me seconds earlier could well have just began on a rant about why they find me the most annoying specimen of humanity they have ever met.

I automatically assume that others dislike me, that if they are being friendly to me it must be either to manipulate me or out of politeness/pity/necessity...perhaps in a large part because I consider myself pretty unlikeable as a person, but also because I repeatedly see how two-faced and manipulative people can be.

So in answer to your question, I have no idea, I have yet to get over this problem...I might not even label it as a problem, perhaps my suspicions are correct and if so then hopefully my assumptions that people dislike me should help keep my naive desire to trust others in check.
 

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People always talk about me. I am always doing or saying something irrational or outrageous <so they say> I just think of it as a good thing. Everybody will know who I am. People are known for how they are different - not for how they are the same. Why be the same as everyone else?
 

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They just suck

I also have this annoying worry as well. Just talking about it makes me want
to rebel against it and get it beat, buttt... the way I'd like to figure it is
the best people I know don't make it a habit of saying things behind others backs and when people do I really do think they are saying more about themselves. I can't picture myself being old and wise saying bad things about other people and so I try to avoid it now.
It still sucks to think about, but when I am at my best I try to think 'so, screw 'em'.
 

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I automatically assume that others dislike me, that if they are being friendly to me it must be either to manipulate me or out of politeness/pity/necessity...perhaps in a large part because I consider myself pretty unlikeable as a person, but also because I repeatedly see how two-faced and manipulative people can be.
Hey that's exactly how I feel.
 

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I automatically assume that others dislike me, that if they are being friendly to me it must be either to manipulate me or out of politeness/pity/necessity...perhaps in a large part because I consider myself pretty unlikeable as a person, but also because I repeatedly see how two-faced and manipulative people can be.
Same here. I automatically assume people don't like me and if they act like they do, they're just being nice. When I start worrying about it, I ask myself, "What is the evidence for this?" as in, "What is the evidence that I was being annoying, etc?" It sounds really simple but it has helped me a lot. If they haven't given me any overt social cues (walking away, avoiding me, etc), I relax a little and think maybe I'm not so annoying. I do that and just feel the person out as best I can. I also really think about what I say (which I assume most of us do) and do to make sure I'm not doing anything that could be considered annoying or rude.
 
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