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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm 26 now and all my childhood I was always builled heavily. I was constantly told what a "dumbass" I was, how "stupid" I am, and what a dorky person I am. At school I have no friends and was always the butt of the joke or an easy target for anyone that was having a bad day to release some stress onto.

My parents were no better but to keep it short my dad was very verbally and physically abusive. He was a very large man with an anger problem. My mom would leave him and get another boy friend that was the exact same.

All my life I have always been builled, abused, disrespected, assaulted and so on. I don't really have any friends to talk to and as most guys I've never had any real relationships. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to "let go of the past" and move on. Or to just "love myself". But that's almost impossible with all the constant negative thoughts from bullying and bad memories.

What I want to ask is for your guys help if you have any. How do you just let this go. I feel that people that tell you to simply "let it go" have never been through it so they don't understand how it consumes you and you cannot simply "let it go". I think once I fix this then my life will take a better change. Any advice would be much appreciated.
 

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Look for 2 books, "Power Of Now" and "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. they are very Deep, spiritual stuff, but both books are World famous/international top selling. I actually believe you can find full audiobooks on youtube.

Read, understand and apply those books. Meditate every day and else nuture yourself and your life.

+ Therapy

Good Luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Look for 2 books, "Power Of Now" and "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. they are very Deep, spiritual stuff, but both books are World famous/international top selling. I actually believe you can find full audiobooks on youtube.

Read, understand and apply those books. Meditate every day and else nuture yourself and your life.

+ Therapy

Good Luck
I will give it a try. I just opened up the first audio book on the Power of Now and its 7 hours so its going to take a while.
 

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sorry, op

wish i had the answers

i'm dealing with the same thing right now

it's much more difficult to get over abuse, in my opinion, when it comes from your own family

being bullied by people that aren't supposed to be part of your support system is crappy, but it's much worse when you're victimized and brutalized by your own family -- there's no safety ANYWHERE, in those circumstances

another thing is that growing up with (especially physical abuse), definitely has its effects on the way the brain is formed, so it's not as simple as "forgetting" the past

you're now functioning, pretty much always, with a brain that has been molded by the past

it's not like you were 35 and dated an abusive woman

when you grow up around abuse, you are shaped by it

CBT seems to help some people, but it's difficult finding a good therapist, and money is a problem for some
 

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I think that by what people mean when they tell you to let it go is that we cannot control the things people say or do to us. We have no power or control over how someone decides or wants to treat us. People are just going to be who they are. That is their decision but also, you have the power to defend yourself because that's your own decision.
 

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You have to learn how to forget about your past and not let it affect your present or future. Learn to live and forget and move on. Only then can you truly find happiness in yourself.
 

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Bullying can f*** up a man for life. There are so many people who've killed themselves even after they became successful and got families etc. Which means that it's very important to work on yourself before you even venture out to get a job, date etc

By working on yourself, I don't mean staying at home and wishing you get better, that will only make it worse. The best thing is to read some self-help books (preferably out in the park), then find some therapist who needn't be very expensive (in fact the best therapists are people who're just out of school afaic) and in general WORK on yourself like a real job.
 

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Its hard to overcome but you can do it. With what you said about negative thoughts, I would suggest CBT. It helps to get rid of or reduce those negative thoughts. You can find books on it if you don't want to go to a therapist. A therapist is better for learning how to do it and then you can continue on your own after you learn the process.

Those books by Tolle are great too.
 

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The only way to truly defeat bullies is to learn to accept what they say. I know it may sound foolish, but it is the only way. What I mean is this. Suppose, a bully walks up to you with his friends, laughs and says, "Wow, looks like you are now even uglier than before, chicken****". If you try to argue with him - you lose, because he has the support of his friends. If you try to fight him, again, you lose. If you try to just ignore him, but internally oppose his statement, you will feel like ****, because you keep everything inside of you and let the bully do his work.

So, what I would do is this. I would say, "Yeah, looks like I am very ugly today." That's it. Bullies do not know how to continue, they are used to people trying to defend themselves and giving them a leverage to continue their attacks. But when, whatever a bully says, gets agreed with, bullies lose interest very quickly.

That's also the idea behind handling any kind of criticism well. Whenever someone criticizes you, doesn't agree with, hates you or whatever, don't argue with them, see the situation from their point of view, admit that their opinion is just as good as yours and verbally express it. "You are so shy man, it is boring to be with you" - "Yeah, I know, can you help me fix it?". "I invited you to a party and you didn't come - how could you?" - "Uh, my bad, I am not very good at partying". "Dude, do you really listen to this ****ty music?" - "Yeah, I like ****ty music for some reason".

It is not just a gimmick. It is what acceptance is all about. If you learn how to accept everything in the world, how to not be afraid of being flawed, then no one can ever humiliate you, because there is nothing then can say that will affect you negatively.
 

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In my case, it has gone too far and created irreversible damage because everytime I get attacked, shouted at rude words, humiliated, treated unfairly against which I cannot defend myself, I tense my face, neck, body, over the years it built up and now I have terrible pressure in the face and head, also due this person beating me in the head, I can´t smile and have dropped eyelid due to forehead injury when this person threw something at me.

I have left million times in the past and lived/worked abroad but always had to come back because I couldn´t cope/got dismissed due to my SA and later also tiredness and inability to cope with the work, despite I tried my best.

People live their lives having nice families, friends, gf/bf´s, lives full of love, support, care. Only I never even had anyone talking to me normally, let alone love. I only receive HATE and for WHAT!!! I am the nicest person on the planet, I never did anyone any wrong. I feel like ending this ****ing life.

I just wanted to show by my example that any amount of positive thinking is useless if you continue to get your soul/body screved in the worst way. Abuse can cause irreversible damages to a person and drive them suicidal. There is even not help in getting away from them because they damaged you to the point you´re unable to survive/cope and even if you were, the society won´t like you because you´re not healthy.
 
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