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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you work from home (or don't work and/or don't go to school), how do you meet people? And how do you become friends after meeting new people?

Even the thought of meeting a group from this forum in real life seems too daunting to me. Maybe one on one but a group would freak me out a bit.

I also find that the people I meet often already have established long-term friendship(s) with a group of people and I am intimidated by an established group. Or if I do go out (ex. with my boyfriend's friends), I can see that they are all already comfortable with each other and talk/laugh about stuff they did together in the past. I never know what to say or how to join the conversation. I usually feel like I'm intruding...

Sometimes I think it's just easier to accept having no friends (do I really need friends?) and occupy my time with hobbies like reading, drawing, etc. than go through the anxiety and effort it takes to make friends. :blank
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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I'm in somewhat of the same boat. Sometimes I think that I honestly don't want any friends but then I think the truth is that I've given up on trying to find friends. It's very difficult for me to make friends but just as hard to keep them.

Alot of the people I'm associated with already have a group of friends and aren't too worried about making me one of them. It's understandable I suppose but where did they get there start from?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, in my boyfriend's case, most of his friends go WAY back to high school days. Since I live in a different city from where I grew up, I don't have that.
 

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I can relate to everything you are saying. I don't have any friends I just have 1 online friend who I never see in person. I have a job but I am not friends with any of the people there. Every time I have tried to make friends it hasn't worked out because they think I am weird because of my SA. I do think like you that maybe it is better that I don't have friends and that I just please myself with my own hobbies but I have to admit sometimes it can get lonely but I am avoiding allot of stress. I feel that I am better off without friends which is kind of sad.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I moved to a new city, way far from home and met people through work & my roommate. I guess if I didn't have those I'd probably be screwed. I've met people by volunteering (animal shelters, blood banks, walkathons) which also gets me outta the house. If you like drawing & don't mind kids you could try volunteering at a kids/youth centre.
I'm REALLY not comfortable around kids. I have thought about volunteering many times but still haven't found the courage to do so.... :|

I have developed 2-3 friendships where I am now over the years but another issue you face at my age is that people get busy with their own lives (their own set of friends, family, kids, house, work, moving away, etc.) so I don't really see them anymore. Maybe I'm not really that abnormal for my age group come to think of it... :stu
 

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Good question. I am curious as well. It's probably the biggest challenge and the greatest desire of one with this disorder. I can easily say it is mine, but I have found a group that meets up weekly, and that does help.

Online communication can never replace Real human interaction-
 

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I tend to make friends when I'm in my "safe zone" which is usually playing sports

the problem is I act too normal (by my SA standards) in those situations, and people just assume I'm outgoing. When they start asking me to go out and I keep avoiding is when they start to see I'm not the "going out for a beer" type of person, and/or think I'm a bit strange for never wanting to go out
 

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I havent made new friends in quite awhile, It's kind of sad really... I dont ever know what to talk about and people get bored of me easily so thats why, Plus i dont really see the point, im dependant and dont really need anyone. Im around people all day at work and when i get home i usually just want to be alone, and thats my life. In highschool i had alot of friends but its hard in the real world you actually have to try and hold onto them and i dont bother.
 

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Even the thought of meeting a group from this forum in real life seems too daunting to me. Maybe one on one but a group would freak me out a bit.
I find it to be just the opposite. Meeting a group of people makes me feel more at ease. The more people that are present, the more I'm able to fade into the background. One on one meetings totally freak me out, as my totally inept social skills are forced to be put on display.
 

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I also find that the people I meet often already have established long-term friendship(s) with a group of people and I am intimidated by an established group. Or if I do go out (ex. with my boyfriend's friends), I can see that they are all already comfortable with each other and talk/laugh about stuff they did together in the past. I never know what to say or how to join the conversation. I usually feel like I'm intruding...
I think you are being too hard on yourself. I mean, of course that circle is tight and they are more comfortable with each other since they have a past history. Anybody that joins a new circle like that is going to have difficulty. But i think you should keep at it, and with time and acceptance, that yeah, this is not easy and it's ok to not know what to say because who would, and I'll never be as tight with them as they are to each other, it will get better. Do you feel like you are intruding because the group isn't welcoming?
 

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^ Agreed. In my experience: The way it generally works is that your existing friends/acquaintances bring you into the group if they want you to be there (they wouldn't have asked if they didn't), and, if you think they would do well to meet your friends, you invite them into your own group of friends. Most of the time (especially in cases in which a woman is introduced into a group of mostly guys), the choice regarding whether or not the new person will enter into and become part of the group belongs to the new person entering the group. The exception would be if the group as a whole really had a problem with that new person (which rarely happens), but in your case, since it is your boyfriend's group, and he keeps asking you to come out, it seems like you're accepted. Feeling out of place is natural; it takes time to really get a feel for a group. In the mean time, keep at it. This is how most people expand their circle of friends.

Example: I've been living here most of my life and I have no problems making friends, so I've got an established group of friends here. Some new acquaintances of mine in my grad program are coming from all over and have very few friends here and have actually expressed their difficulties in finding a niche. So I invited them out to hang out with my group of friends (just a chill bar to shoot the s***). One of them made it out. It was obvious she felt really awkward interacting with these people she had never met, but we did our best to make her feel welcome. The next week, I invited her out again with my friends for drinks (my friends and I drink quite a bit when we get together). This time, it's a little less awkward for her, but I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable, especially when we talk about people she doesn't know or when we remember inside jokes. The next week, I'm hanging out with one of my friends from my old group of friends, and he actually asks me to ask the new girl if she wants to come out with us. You see how the process works? It IS a process, but it happens in time. Even now, after 3 months of hanging out with her with my group of friends, she is still a bit awkward, but we ARE planning a trip to Vegas for her birthday. Some among my old group of friends are down to go. This is how a group of friends initiates new members, a necessary step for any group of friends to remain active since some existing members of that group of friends inevitably break contact and leave the group for one reason or another.

If you want to develop your own group of friends, I recommend volunteering somewhere (I did it in college, and I now have a circle of friends from that volunteering experience that I spend time with almost every other weekend, even now, 5 years after graduation), or perhaps a beginning yoga class/martial arts class/dance class/other hobby class. If it's designed for beginners, chances are there won't be many people that know each other. And when someone talks to you, try to respond in kind. I did a capoeira class (Brazilian martial arts) and spent quite a bit of time with those people outside of class.

Hope this helps. I'm certainly not an expert on all social interactions, but I do have some experience making friends. You could probably teach me more about romantic relationships than I could tell you about making friends.
 
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