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Starlight and moonbeams
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So I'm a loner, and sort of keep to myself. I'm not happy with my situation, and I want to make some friends...however, I don't really know to do it. Everyone seems so social and outgoing, how does a shy, anxiety ridden guy fit into that kind of circle?

I'm thinking about just going up to someone at lunch and asking if I can sit with them. Is this how you usually make connections at uni?

How did you make friends at college?
 

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I was in a small program.. only about 40 students with a lot of team/group work & we were all nuts about our program so it was actually pretty easy since there was so much in common already. I met a number of people going to Halloween pub as well, a lot easier to approach ppl if you're all in costumes! ; )
 

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This would be a great way, if i wasnt overwhelmed in anxiety, and actually had a purpose of going besides getting tipsy by drinking by myself. I think the worse place you can probably get friends, let alone a date is at a pub. Unless of course, you arent going by yourself.:p
Yeah I've definitely only had bad experiences with guys at bars. But somehow Halloween events are just fun because you get an instant conversation starter if their costume is interesting/funny/sexy etc. and I swear I was warmly welcomed on the dance floor by the girls who also had cat costumes on haha. I was a lot more confident in disguise, gotta say.
 

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It didnt go well. i said something and they answered in a simple way to cut the convo.
I find this is usually the response I get whenever I attempt to talk to someone previously unknown to me. I know it's not possible to connect with -everyone- but it would be nice to have a bone thrown to me every now and then. I can't really help my social ineptness and awkwardness as I talk to someone... They see that in me so quickly... :(

...I guess I could try wearing a Halloween costume when I go back to school in September. I'm sure it would make for a conversational starting point...
 

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sad panda
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I met pretty much my only friends here so far my freshman year at an orientation for my major.. me and 3 other girls just kind of hit it off and started chatting nonstop. I haven't made any more good friends since then, and I'm about to start my junior year!

Everybody says, join clubs, join clubs, and I think that may be true after all. I'm going to force myself to go to a few club meetings for things I'm interested in, like a ski and fishing club, just so I can maybe make a couple more friends...

And of course, chatting with people who sit next to you in class. :afr That was never very successful for me, even if I managed to make conversation with someone one day, I'd feel doubly awkward the next day, and not be able to say much. Sometimes it feels like the longer I've known someone, the worse my SA, unless its a good friend. But a lot of people can do this much better than I can :)

Your idea sounds good though, most people welcome extra company at lunch, especially someone sitting alone.
 

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Good question. I've yet to make any friends from college. :S I've tried talking to classmates and such but nothing ever comes of it. I was maybe gonna join a club but the one I was intrested in meets at a different campus so that's not really helpful.
 

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I'm friendly with a lot of people but I don't think I can say I really have any friends at college. I occasionally meet up with my old roomate for lunch but thats it.

One of the first things I discovered when I began college was that I was very accustomed to being a loner and actually had a low tolerance for company a lot of the time.

Anyways, I'd reccommend joining a club, good way to meet a lot of people.
 

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crazy
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the only time i ever met people in college was in taking art classes. it was like hanging out with a group of 20 people 8 hours a week, which gave you time to get to know them. slowly.
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
the only time i ever met people in college was in taking art classes. it was like hanging out with a group of 20 people 8 hours a week, which gave you time to get to know them. slowly.
Hmm, maybe I should take an art class?

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions everyone. I'll try community groups as well. :)
 

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It's easiest to capitolize on friends during group tasks.
During my first year at uni, I was lucky enough to sit next to someone who I think recognized my quietness, and took me in. But ultimately, It depends on the person.
Once the first year of uni's up, it obviously gets harder. Approaching someone is an ok idea, but I don't have the confidence to do it.
There's always those really nice people who like talking, even to us, no matter what. These are good opportunities. Mind you, my school my be a lot different to yours.
 

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P4
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I have an issue where I barely talked to anyone in my class in first year, even working in groups I would talk in the group (if I had to) and barely even make eye contact out of class time. I only had one friend who I could be myself (or as close as I can around) in my class. It's much harder to make friends in consecutive years, especially when they recognise you and you don't say anything but advert your gaze. My friend failed a subject so I'm in all her classes except one and going to that one (which is tomorrow) is making me anxious ._.;. So my advice is be friendly even if it's not outgoing and do what you can in first year, it's the easiet time for everyone to get to know each other. As for making friends after your image as a shy person has been established? I wish I knew...
Once I did do that in year 8 where I asked a group if I could hang out with them for a day... it was really awkward, and unpleasant... When I first started uni in a different course (when before I changed my major) I talked to various people, I didn't become friends with all of them right alway, and to be honest we weren't exactly good friends. But it's still a better choice then waiting for someone to come to you.
 

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So I'm a loner, and sort of keep to myself. I'm not happy with my situation, and I want to make some friends...however, I don't really know to do it. Everyone seems so social and outgoing, how does a shy, anxiety ridden guy fit into that kind of circle?

I'm thinking about just going up to someone at lunch and asking if I can sit with them. Is this how you usually make connections at uni?

How did you make friends at college?
Talking regularly in class (without monopolising conversation, which will instead bring resentment) is a good way to at least get yourself known, at the very least. Saying nothing is a ticket to being anonymous or hard to get to know. By talking you become familiar to your fellow students and more approachable.
 

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Suit up!
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I'm actually a lot more comfortable talking to people that I sit next to in class, which is why I almost always try to sit next to someone. However, I haven't really made any close friends doing this, mostly only acquaintances, but it probably doesn't help that there's usually only like 4 girls per 100 kids in all of my classes. I tried joining clubs (Society of Women in Engineering), but I still found it difficult to make friends there because it was more about learning proper etiquette with companies and meeting with them rather than bonding with the members. You obviously want to find friends so keep trying and don't get discouraged!
 

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Good question. I've yet to make any friends from college. :S I've tried talking to classmates and such but nothing ever comes of it. I was maybe gonna join a club but the one I was intrested in meets at a different campus so that's not really helpful.
Ditto to everything you've just said, with the whole different campus thing and everything xD
 

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crazy
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Talking regularly in class (without monopolising conversation, which will instead bring resentment) is a good way to at least get yourself known, at the very least. Saying nothing is a ticket to being anonymous or hard to get to know. By talking you become familiar to your fellow students and more approachable.
yeah that's true. it's good exposure therapy as well.

it also might help to have a conversation starter, like carry around a book that you like, or a tshirt of a band you like. or bring your pet rabbit on a leash, lol.
 

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I didnt make any friends at the community college I attended. Hopefully, I can make some friends at the University this upcoming semester. At the CC I used to attend, they didnt have any clubs or anything like that. So the University have a bunch of clubs I can join.
 

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If you want to make more friends in college. The shortest piece of the puzzle I can share is this:

People make more friends at the rate and speed that they are introduced to new people.

There are two ways to meet new people.

1. Introduce yourself to new people
This is what 99% of people tell you to do when you ask them how to make more friends. This works, except that you only have so much time and energy.

2. Get introduced to more people by your friends.
This is where the true power of becoming massively popular lies. Of course, this depends on whether you have friends who know a lot of people.

Making friends with the "right" people can literally land you with like a couple hundred friends over night. I call those people "social connectors". Social connectors are people who are very well connected with other people. They aren't typically hard to make friends with - that's why they have so many friends. Example: If you're looking to meet more girls, a good social connector to make friends with might be the flamboyant gay guy who's bbf's with a million hot girls.

Making friends with social connectors seems obvious, yet no one does it. Notice how many of your own friends are social connectors...

Once you've done this, you will become very well known. If you make friends with 5 ordinary people, you have 5 new friends, and they will introduce you to their 5 friends. That's 25 people.

If you make friends with 5 social connectors, they will introduce you to their 50 friends. That's 250 people. Seriously that's no joke.

Once you've done this, you can organize some group activities like some of the other posters suggest. Presto, you have all the friends you can handle.

I tried to make this strategy as simple as possible, but I realize that to some people on this forum, it may seem intimidating to do all of this. Let me know what you think about this strategy. Making more friends requires confidence. I can expand on it or give more details if you like.

I also go into severe detail on the science behind how to make more friends in college and climb to the top of your social circle on my blog.

Find more info here:
www.TheCollegeCupids.com
 

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Wish I knew the answer to this question. I'm in my third year now, and while I've found my boyfriend (who I consider to be my best friend), I still have yet to go beyond acquaintances with everyone else.
 

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I think doing an art class would be your best bet. When I took one it was a smaller class and had a chilled atmosphere, basically you are given projects to do and all you do is work on them independently. The environment allows for alot easier interaction with others and the art is a great conversation starter. I met a cute girl too that I knew liked me but because im an idiot I missed my opportunity, one of my many life regrets...
 
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