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As the title says, how can you tell when someone really wants to be friends with you? I've known people who i've thought were friends but then feel they don't actually want to be actual friends.

This has happened all my life. I had a group of friends through school and college, only to never see any of them again once we left. Admittedly I didn't contact them, but not one ever tried to contact me. The same happened with different people at university. And now at my work i've tried these last few months to be friends with people and they act like they like me, but now i'm not so sure. A few have given me their text numbers, but i've realised that I always have to text first, so I no longer feel comfortable doing this. They have also acted like i'm a friend to them, but now i'm doubting it as they now seem like i'm not really that important to them.

I want to go out and meet people and make friends, but, on past experience, I seem to be able to get fairly close to people only for them to then make me feel like they never actually wanted to be friends in the first place, so how do I know whether anyone is actually my friend or just stringing me along only to drop me just when I think we're becoming close?

I don't know if there is something wrong with me? People seem to like me when they see me, but never make any effort to contact me, and if I don't contact them first i'd never see them again. How can it be that everyone i've ever met seems so indifferent to me, no one has ever seemed to really care one bit about me.
 

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I know exactly what you are talking about. It's basically the main reason why I've been in a new place for a month and have only met one or two people outside of work. I guess I feel that everyone has their puzzle already in place, and I feel like there just isn't any room for my piece of the puzzle to fit in.
 

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This is really hard. I think the unfortunate truth is you have to be brave and not only accept invitations, but extend them too. Say the person you are developing a friendship has some anxiety....if you never reach out to them, they think you aren't interested in being their friend. I realize this, but still have a super hard time inviting people to things.
 

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Last month I went to a psychologist and talked about this exact problem- the need for assurance that you're liked, and anger that the effort I put into building friendship seemed unreciprocated.
She said to judge people by their actions- if they routinely accept your invitations, they probably like you. Normal people are adept at avoiding people - they won't say yes if they don't want to.
She also said that people are stuck in their ways- they can get in the habit of relying on you to organize things, or they're just won't think to call you first, if they've never done it before. I agree with Geezie- it's hard, but sometimes you have to be the one to extend invitations. Good luck.
 
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