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How do you cope with the loneliness.

3K views 41 replies 35 participants last post by  alohomora 
#1 ·
What do you do to cope with the loneliness caused by SA. Alot of the time I can go a while with out experiencing it. When I do experience it I crash hard especially when I realize how alone I really am. I just feel like smashing my head against the wall to see how many years alone I've wasted.
 
#2 ·
As weird as it sounds, I like sleeping :roll (and don't like waking up cause then I realize how lonely I am). I'm a musician and a writer so most of the time I play some music or I write... allows me not to think about it.
 
#3 ·
The short answer is "barely".

Much like the above poster, sometimes it is not on my mind...when it is, I can get very depressed.

I also write to distract myself. I also took up several "hobbies" that do not require interaction with other people, consume vast amounts of time and thought, and have nothing to do with my life to distract myself from my own solitary existence - like chess :p
 
#5 ·
I play a lot of video games online, I have several people I play with. I know it's not much but I guess it's better than nothing for now.
 
#9 ·
live in my imagination. it almost works.
 
#10 ·
i can cope with it most of the time. the days that i feel the loneliest though is during holidays. but maybe i can find someone who is also lonely soon so we can be lonely together. i've been talking to this female over chat (from my city) and so far everythings going good. hopefully i can open up and tell her about my SA before it shows it's ugly face and screws things up.
 
#12 ·
When you dont have a job or a car, and all you do is sit in the house all day everyday, it kinda gets nuts. Sometimes I cry, play video games to distract myself, I sleep, I search for work, I lay with my dog, I attempt to call old friends, who they themselfs no longer want anything to do with me, and that makes it so much worse for me, knowing your old friends really hate you because they think your a loser because of your SA.
 
#13 ·
It's not always as bad as it is right now because I'm studying abroad and am an outsider even among outsiders. I'm trying to cope by remembering that I'm in a beautiful city and that it will be over soon and that someday (hopefully) I will no longer be so alone. I actually got really drunk for the first time in my life this evening and realized that I'm mostly the same as when I'm bitterly sober - except that my vision is slow and blurry and I talk slower. I still keep my thoughts to myself, except I'm more paranoid and misanthropic. Strange thing is that I'm nearly as socially anxious as before, but I just don't care what anyone thinks at that point at the same time. I have yet to make sense of this. I probably shouldn't write posts like this at 2 am when I'm still kinda drunk. First real time, though.
 
#18 ·
i dont know because it various for each person but one thing that has made me feel alot better is writing my thoughts down, like a man diary lol

get yourself a notebook and start writing what you think, it helps, so when your in a better space, you can see how far you have come when you read pages when you felt like sh*t
 
#20 ·
I tend to write and listen to music. Watching T.V and drinking coffee/tea/whatever helps too. Lately I've had it with being stuck inside the house due to my lack of job/friends so I started volunteering. It helps me get out of the house and feel better about doing something productive, so you can try that too.
 
#21 ·
You should not try to cope with it, you need to create changes to overcome it.

Read "Loneliness" by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick and you will see what I mean. Basically, humans are social creatures and we all have genetic predispositions to how much social interaction we need, but the thing is we all need some to a certain degree and you cannot really become happy by tiptoeing around it.

You have to overcome your SA in order to be able to create social relations with others.

But you can start taking small steps in your life now so that you do not feel as lonely. For example, you can start doing small things for others you are surrounded by (like in the book a woman who was lonely would bake stuff for her neighbors). And this is a good strategy as it can lead to create possible social relations/friendships with people you do those things for.
 
#22 ·
You should not try to cope with it, you need to create changes to overcome it.
this is how i see it: when you are young and barely learning about life , it's when you need to be the most social. teens learn about life by being social, then when you become an adult, you have learned those skills and don't have that need to be social any longer, you just want to settle down. adult's who work 8 hours a day, have kids, have to keep up with the changing technology, etc..do not have a lot of time to be social. their lives are just too busy to have time to socialize. i use to go out all the time as a teen (before i had advance SA) to the mall, arcade, theme park...etc. now that i am an adult i don't have time for all of that. now i don't have the need to party, i don't have the need to socialize, i just want to find that right person to live with the rest of my life. i can cope with being alone. i just need that significant other to be complete.

to review, teens have to socialize more then adults. yes, humans are social creatures.

did i mentioned i'm drunk? :um
 
#28 ·
i know what i COULD do, i could just go out by myself and try to meet ppl without a friend, thats a scary thing to do

tho ive been in the same city my whole life and i made alot of friends growing up so when i do start going out, i will just run into and just like that things will get better again.

but if you dont have many friends now or from the past, then going out by yourself is the only way to go, its terrifying but if your not doing nothing about it, its going to get worse...sucking it up and just approaching ppl, especially women, just gettin over that rush when you walk up to someone is nowhere near as bad as sitting in your room month after month.
 
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