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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So after reading through these forums quite a bit, I'm willing to bet most of us here are good at recognising SA symptoms, and could pick out someone with SA in a crowd.

My question is: how do you act toward other SA'ers in real life?

For instance, in one of my uni classes we have to complete a group role play. Naturally, this is one of my worst fears, but luckily I've gotten on good terms with one of the group members, and everyone else seems to respect my opinion.

Now, there's another girl in my group who I'm fairly certain has SA: never speaks up, can't make eye contact with anyone, always has this I-just-want-to-disappear expression on her face etc. I swear it's like looking into a mirror.

The thing is, at the end of our assessment everyone in our group has to give everyone else a mark based on their group contribution. So I'm wondering, should I talk to this girl and ask her if she needs help? Of course, I'm afraid I'll embarrass her, or that she might not even have SA! But I hate to think she might be exactly like me, and I did nothing to help.

Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this?
 

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I can't say, I have never met anyone with SA at my school or anywhere else.
 

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I would just approach her slowly. Maybe just sit next to her for a couple of days straight and gain her trust slowly and then ask her random questions about the class and then ask if she wants to pair up to get help or something. Just be real slow and don't make it a big deal. Make it all seem natural and not like you have a motive.

oh and how do I act around people with S.A.? I usually get more shy and standoffish because I feel like such a fraud and I know the people with S.A. can see right through my fakeness. I always feel like I've been caught or figured out or something. I try to hide my S.A. and I do a pretty good job sometimes. I don't know if I've ever met someone with S.A. in a class before. Sometimes I think someone has S.A. and then boom they are so popular once a couple of people talk to them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for your advice guys. I've got a whole week until our next class to figure it out, so any more words of wisdom are welcome.

Also, how would SA people here (especially those in uni) feel about a random person they've never talked to before who started being friendlier to them all of a sudden, making small talk, sitting with them, and so on? I know I'd feel very self-conscious, and maybe a little suspicious. But then I'd also feel grateful someone made the effort and didn't just treat me like I'm invisible. What does everyone think?

Sometimes I think someone has S.A. and then boom they are so popular once a couple of people talk to them.
Oh lord yes. Isn't it frustrating? Sometimes I think this girl might just not be interested in the class and might not be bothered contributing to the group. But then I've been watching her for a while (not stalker-like ... just observations here and there) and I'm 95% sure she's more than just bored/shy etc.

I wish i could meet other people with SAD in real life
Don't we all :)
 

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Nah sorry I can't share my experiences because I have never met someone in reallife with SA. I've never met an SA'er at school/college/work.
That's why I thought I was the only one in the world who had the problem I have because I have never seen another reallife person with SA, til I got onto this site and people mirrored my experiences then I realised I wasn't alone.

I'd love to met an SA'er somewhere. Coz then I will not be alone in 'that place' I am in with the problem.

Maybe you should talk to her, make a friend of her. Maybe tell her you know what's she's going through because you also have Social problems, she may open up to you and feel relaxed coz she's not the only one in that class with a problem.
 

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I wish i could meet other people with SAD in real life
Same here man. It would feel like having a twin. I would be able to feed off their energy and vice versa and it could really help.

One day when things settle down with my depression and life in general, I would love to find a girl who has similar issues of SAD and related probs.
 

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I actually just hung out with a girl last night that I was pretty positive had SA. She was new to the little group and was very sweet, kind, but of course everyone in the car would do the old, "Gosh, you need to stop talking so much!" bit. I felt bad for her. I think identifying other people with SA is a two way street, because at dinner she started to open up a bit and add on to my jokes with funny facial expressions, or maybe my trembling chopsticks gave it away. :b

We eventually talked a bit about her going to art school, and she told me I reminded her of someone she knew, etc. etc. There was a very friendly and supportive connection amidst an extremely outgoing group. I say just approach her slowly, like what Hellosunshine and Auron said.
 

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I've been around other quiet people and it doesn't work out so well, just double the fear and tension. Two introverts don't suddenly make an extrovert.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
True, I've pretty much never met a full-blown SA'er in real life, but then until I started lurking around here I wasn't able to recognise the signs in others. Or maybe lurking around here has me labelling this group member a little too quickly ;)

I'll take the 'slow and steady' advice here - though:

I've been around other quiet people and it doesn't work out so well, just double the fear and tension.
Ha ha, so true, but I guess there's no harm in trying.
 

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She might not be aware that she has SA. I didn't even know that SA was a "state of mind" until I read about it a couple of months ago. That's how I knew that I had it, and it answered alot of questions for me. I thought I was just super-duper shy and weird all my life. So if anyone was to sit me down like 4 months ago and tell me that I might have SA, or say "I know how you feel" or whatever, I would just be like "What are you talking about" but at the same time I would be happy that someone cared, sort of point me in the right direction as to why I'm socially weird. So I don't know. I think you should help her, in a kind, gentle way. I, myself, have never met anyone with SA, even though I'm pretty sure I would be able to read the signs off them.
 

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One of my moms friends came over and and her son came. My mom told me that he had SA pretty extensively and even has to be home schooled. I have SA pretty bad too, but I am sure his was much worse by the way he acted, also, I did not have to be home schooled. The whole time he was over, he would not even look at me. I wanted very bad to say something like, "I have SA too." I couldn't say it though because my mom told me that confidentially. If I had an opportunity to spend more time with him, I would probably try to befriend him. SA is a terrible disorder and I felt bad for him. My mom told me he had to be home schooled because he was made fun of so bad. Its terrible to feel detached from peers (and even disliked and made fun of) over a disorder that one can't help.
 

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when i know people that suffers from SA, I have the understanding towards him/her, so I don't try to overly push conversations, and i just let our meetings or hang out time to flow.

i enjoy being with people i can relate to, just that i get scared /or nervous with new people i meet.
 

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lol meeting another SAer: If train A leaves the station going 0km/h and train B leaves the station going 0km/h....

I agree with everyone here slow and steady and compassionate. I don't think you explicitly need to 'help her' though, like getting her into counseling or anything, I think just being her friend will be more than helpful. Remember that she'll probably pull away when she gets uncomfortable, but be persistent, just not in an over-bearing way.
 

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So after reading through these forums quite a bit, I'm willing to bet most of us here are good at recognising SA symptoms, and could pick out someone with SA in a crowd.

My question is: how do you act toward other SA'ers in real life?

For instance, in one of my uni classes we have to complete a group role play. Naturally, this is one of my worst fears, but luckily I've gotten on good terms with one of the group members, and everyone else seems to respect my opinion.

Now, there's another girl in my group who I'm fairly certain has SA: never speaks up, can't make eye contact with anyone, always has this I-just-want-to-disappear expression on her face etc. I swear it's like looking into a mirror.

The thing is, at the end of our assessment everyone in our group has to give everyone else a mark based on their group contribution. So I'm wondering, should I talk to this girl and ask her if she needs help? Of course, I'm afraid I'll embarrass her, or that she might not even have SA! But I hate to think she might be exactly like me, and I did nothing to help.

Has anyone ever found themselves in a situation like this?
That is a very brave and kind thing to do! I would probably be afraid of her, thinking she didn't like me or any of us. Maybe you can catch her alone and get to know what is going on. I often wished someone would've cared enough to talk to me.
 

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Id just be cool... you cant go around asking people if they are something that might embaress them or make them defensive... at least if u must do that do it on the last day of class and in private so when the rumors about u being a huge creeper surface at least ull be on break! Plus deny it ever happened, say she liked u and u had to shoot her down so now she's gettin all creeper and makin junk up
 

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I don't know how I'd act because I've never met another person with SA (aside from my dad & brother). lol I've met shy/quiet people before, of course, and usually do ok with them because they will converse. I'd love to meet another SA person. It'd probably be a little awkward, but I'd give it a try to try and befriend them.

In your situation I'd probably sit by her and try to converse with her or ask her a direct question during your group time. It probably won't take you long to figure out if she has SA or if she just hates the class. I know what you've mean, I've thought I've seen another SA'er before only to find out their really not once they open up to a couple other people. It's always a little disappointing. lol But, if she really does, I would try and befriend her and ask her if she needs help. Maybe you could support eachother. Good luck and keep us updated.
 

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I have never met anyone who had SA to my certain knowledge (except for my father).

If you feel up to it, I might suggest starting a conversation and bringing up your own SA in a general, kind of casual way; not that you'd pour everything out at once, then see if she can relate to it. I think that if anyone had asked me if I had SA in my pre-Paxil days, when I didn't know what SA was, I probably would have been taken aback or put off. Anyway I think its great that you want to try to help. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Yes, everyone's brought up excellent points. It's completely true that the main things which have stopped me from approaching her already are:

(a) She's completely normal and I'll just out myself as a 'creeper' to the whole class (lol).
(b) She has SA but doesn't know it, and if I bring it up she'll think I'm insulting her and calling her weird based on nothing but my own personal observation.
(c) She has SA and knows it, but doesn't care and resents the fact I think she needs 'help'.

So I won't even bring up SA at first – I'll just try a bit of small talk at first, and see how it goes from there. Maybe I'll find a kindred spirit at uni at last! Normally I would never do this, but as some people have said here it's always nice when people make an effort to try and chat with you and make you feel better.

Of course I'll keep you all updated. :)
 
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