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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been friend with this guy for over 2 years. We've been classmate and pretty much spent our time together in class discussing about assignments and personal lives.

Two days ago he confessed to me that he start to fall in love with me. I am speechless and I don't know what I should do. I know he's quite good looking and kind person, however I just don't feel it's right for me to date him because:

1. I've been friend with him for years and I want us to stay as friend

2. I don't have the same feeling that he has towards me.

3. I don't see him as my boyfriend and I am comfortable for us to be friend.

He has been calling me for the last 2 days and I didn't pick up the phone because I am scared he might demand for my answer

What should I do? How do I gather courage to say no without hurting him? I really like him as my friend and I don't want our friendship to be broken because of this matter.
 

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Super Moderator
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I think you just need to be as honest as you can with him straight away. If you pretend that you're into him, somewhere down the line he'll know that you're not and it's going to hurt more.
 

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La Vie En Rose
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1,673 Posts
Unfortunately, no matter how you approach the situation, chances are it will hurt him because essentially you are rejecting him. And so, be prepared for the possibility that it will change the friendship, especially if it hurts him too much to remain friends when he wants something more. It's not easy for either side really. In situations like this, sometimes the two friends take a temporary break from each other and reconnect later, so all hope is not lost ^^ but it's dependent on both individuals.

I'm sorry I don't really have an example of what to say, but I agree with Charmander that you have to be honest with him ASAP, because prolonging this will only hurt him more later on. Plus, giving him any sense of false hope will worsen it too.
 

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Tell him exactly what you told us. Sure it will hurt him and affect the relationship temporarily, but it is necessary. Ignoring the situation only hurts him more.
 

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madly in love
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i've been in this situation. a guy i've been friends with for over 10 years confessed his love to me (i knew he was interested, but didn't realize the extent) unfortunately i had no interest back! plus i was in the process of getting together with another guy. as hard as it may be, you just have to be honest.
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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Yes, you just have to be honest.

Us guys want honesty from (in my case, women, but in your case other guys) the people that we're interested in, so you should be completely honest with him. Just let him know that you don't feel the same way, and don't lead him on.
 

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thoughts are just thought
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just don't feel it's right for me to date him because:

1. I've been friend with him for years and I want us to stay as friend

2. I don't have the same feeling that he has towards me.

3. I don't see him as my boyfriend and I am comfortable for us to be friend.
I find your line of thinking both common, interesting and horrible all at the same time.

Not horrible in that you did anything wrong but horrible in you are clearly about to.

reason 1 and 3 are the same reason and they are both irrelevant to the problem which is reason 2, you don't feel that way towards him. Learn to separate the stuff from the stuff, and only deal with the real issue.

"But I want to stay friends, and if I reject him then we won't be friends anymore." You say. WRONG!!! You don't want to hurt him for fear that you will stop being friends. But the truth is you two stopped being friends already. The second he had romantic feelings for you, you were no longer friends (or let's say you were no longer JUST friends), from that moment on you two became something else, only you did not know it yet.

You like so many girls want to put the toothpaste back in the tube, YOU CAN'T. You can't make him go back to being "just friends" anymore than he can make you feel romantic towards him.

If you are really his friend you will be honest with him. You will tell him you hope you two can remain friends but it will never be more than just friendship. And then just like you expect him to accept your feelings you need to accept his (just like you do not want to be in a romantic relationship with him, you need to be willing to accept that maybe he doesn't want to be "just friends" with you).
 

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He wants in your pants. You're probably cute, attractive, and he can't help himself.

It's not his fault. Please don't blame him or be angry with him for his response -- his response is PERFECTLY NATURAL.

You can't control who you are attracted -- but if you ARE indeed friends and he IS attractive, you might ask yourself why you feel so desperate to keep him in the friendzone? Are you afraid of something? Or is your friendship not as close as you think and the idea of being with him creeps you out?
 
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