[tutliputli]

I'm sure there's a thread about this somewhere but I can't find it now so thought I would start a new one

I know most people aren't that comfortable with others who don't talk a lot. I've been at a new job for about 3 weeks now and I think gradually people are starting to get used to the fact that I don't talk much. Everytime I go in I try to smile and say hello to everyone, but there's this one woman who I think finds me really weird, or I make her very uncomfortable. I smile at her when I see her but she's stopped bothering to say hello to me now, even when I'm the one who says hi first. She just looks away quickly. Most people will say hi and ask how I am but that's it. I know I shouldn't expect much more when I don't contribute to conversations but it does bother me. So, how do people respond/ act around you?

 

[downbutnotout]

I'm sure there's a thread about this somewhere but I can't find it now so thought I would start a new one

I know most people aren't that comfortable with others who don't talk a lot. I've been at a new job for about 3 weeks now and I think gradually people are starting to get used to the fact that I don't talk much. Everytime I go in I try to smile and say hello to everyone, but there's this one woman who I think finds me really weird, or I make her very uncomfortable. I smile at her when I see her but she's stopped bothering to say hello to me now, even when I'm the one who says hi first. She just looks away quickly. Most people will say hi and ask how I am but that's it. I know I shouldn't expect much more when I don't contribute to conversations but it does bother me. So, how do people respond/ act around you?

I honestly think i can get EVERY reaction from a group of people. Its as if some people really take a liking to me, while others hate me.

Its like being in the "colliseum" and having julius ceasar judge whether you are worthy or not!!!

 

[tutliputli]

Haha, yeah. I hate that feeling of being the centre of attention when you're talking in a group and everyone is looking directly at you, making their judgements. Or is that just paranoia? :roll It feels that way anyway. If some people seem to like you and others don't, it just shows how different everyone is and that we shouldn't take that kind of thing personally.

 

[downbutnotout]

Haha, yeah. I hate that feeling of being the centre of attention when you're talking in a group and everyone is looking directly at you, making their judgements. Or is that just paranoia? :roll It feels that way anyway. If some people seem to like you and others don't, it just shows how different everyone is and that we shouldn't take that kind of thing personally.

Yeah, the thing is its like from one extreme to another. Like there is friends of the family that think i'm really great and want me to go to their get togethers etc.

Yet there are people that i have known that REALLY hate me aswell.

I'd rather be neutral with people than get any sort of attention.

I hate groups too.

 

[jollybeans]

people usually act calm and quiet around me like they have to tone there pesonality down when speaking to me, ive seen the louudest,outgoing people tone themselves down around me,like im boring to talk to or something. it makes me feel uninteresting to talk to

 

[tutliputli]

Yeah, the thing is its like from one extreme to another. Like there is friends of the family that think i'm really great and want me to go to their get togethers etc.

Yet there are people that i have known that REALLY hate me aswell.

I'd rather be neutral with people than get any sort of attention.

I know what you mean. Inconsistency in people's reactions really confuses me and gets to me. It's really bad for self-esteem because it means I'm always trying to work what I've done to make certain people not like me, which leads to picking at the tiniest faults in my personality and overanalysing them until they become a huge deal.

 

[tutliputli]

people usually act calm and quiet around me like they have to tone there pesonality down when speaking to me, ive seen the louudest,outgoing people tone themselves down around me,like im boring to talk to or something. it makes me feel uninteresting to talk to

I have the same thing, I don't know why they do it! Maybe they feel they're wasting their amazingly vibrant and fantastic personalities on people who don't react to it? Note the sarcasm

 

[downbutnotout]

I know what you mean. Inconsistency in people's reactions really confuses me and gets to me. It's really bad for self-esteem because it means I'm always trying to work what I've done to make certain people not like me, which leads to picking at the tiniest faults in my personality and overanalysing them until they become a huge deal.

Usually for me, i overanalyse the people that judge me, and so i pick flaws in them to justify why i dont like them.

I only have 1 or 2 friends. But they dont judge me, and like me for who i am. I just need more people to hang around with that i can trust. Which seems impossible!

 

[Dying note]

I just started a job training course and it's been two weeks now. Everyone in my class knows I'm very quiet and they don't seem to expect much more from me besides the 'hi' I tell them in the morning when I first see them. The times I do speak out, I see in some of their expressions that they don't really take me seriously or care too much, which isn't very encouraging when it's so hard for me to interact well in the first place. But I'll keep trying anyway. It hurts sometimes though, to not take it personally when people react in a disregarding way around you, you know?

 

[jollybeans]

I have the same thing, I don't know why they do it! Maybe they feel they're wasting their amazingly vibrant and fantastic personalities on people who don't react to it? Note the sarcasm

I had to read it a couple of times...but got it...if i dont react to how they are...they act like me....calm and quiet....boring:roll but m not really like that...im just too scared to show the real me..so i tone MYSELF down as well all the time

 

[formaltide]

People treat me with a friendly attitude, since I treat them the same way, but I can tell that I don't interest most of them and there's always that feeling of being kept at arm's length.

To be honest, I think I give off a confusing image to people. I strike people as confident, smart, loves to be around people and...socially awkward. I think it sends mixed messages and they regard me as weird or interesting.

I know this because of a chat window that I unintentionally glanced at (It was the first window on the screen) and it was a pretty obvious comment: "Haha, the (My name) jokes are so funny." I think I was initially embarrassed about that, but by now I'm realizing that it didn't make people dislike me more, if anything, it's just entertaining to them because I'm their friend. I think the closest example to that would be: If I have a dog, and it does something silly or stupid, I laugh and think it's cute. And it doesn't make me love it any less, it's still my dog. Not that I like being compared to a dog...but yah, that's what the situation seems like. It completely explains why people keep me at arm's length regarding themselves -- they obviously don't understand me and I obviously don't understand them.

 

[LostinReverie]

They're either stiff and polite, complete with condescending looks, or they ignore me, which is fine.

 

[Smile_Karina]

Same here. They either ignore me or treat me so formally, if that makes sense. For example, they'll be joking around and acting silly with other people, but when they have to interact with me, they'll be all serious and polite and treat me like I'm 20 or 30 years older than them.

 

[Canadian Brotha]

I'd rather be neutral with people than get any sort of attention.

I feel like this all the time as it really bugs me when I feel that people dislike me & I can't figure out why. If they are neutral initially then don't like me later after a while I can handle it more.

 

[screwjack]

They tend to get bored with me and start acting like i'm not even there. If I do manage to start a little bit of small talk and get to know them they think me a nice person but cold because I don't want to get too close.

 

[Freedom2010]

People are nice to me at first, but once they see how shy I am, they all pretty much completely ignore me. Nobody at my school ever says one word to me anymore. That is why I want to get over this shyness. My biggest regret is the way I acted around all the people at my school. If I just opened up and talked to them, I would have made some great friends. Since I barely said anything (too concerned of doing something stupid) they just probably assumed I wanted to be left alone.

All the nice people I could have been friends with never even say "hi" to me anymore. All those missed oppertunities just break my heart (as corney as it sounds). I just don't want this to be me anymore.

 

[Freedom2010]

Same here. They either ignore me or treat me so formally, if that makes sense. For example, they'll be joking around and acting silly with other people, but when they have to interact with me, they'll be all serious and polite and treat me like I'm 20 or 30 years older than them.

They do the same thing to me, lol.

 

[Freiheit]

Same here. They either ignore me or treat me so formally, if that makes sense. For example, they'll be joking around and acting silly with other people, but when they have to interact with me, they'll be all serious and polite and treat me like I'm 20 or 30 years older than them.

Same here and it really aggravates me because just because I'm quiet doesn't mean that I don't find things funny, if anything, if people got to know the REAL me, they'd see that I probably have the sickest sense of humor out of all of them and am capable of acting like a total moron. It's like they're afraid of me or something which I don't understand, it's not like I'm gonna up and kill them or something for saying stupid sh*t and joking around. I think it's primarily because they think there is something wrong with me since I don't talk and therefore won't even bother to try to connect with me because it would be too much of a hassle for them.

 

[hopeful17]

I think i get a wary kind of vibe with people that i encounter or talk with. They also give me what seems to be a judgemental look and initiate alot of eye contact. Geese it feels like im an alien from another planet and i think i tend to try tooo hard to get people to like me and i sense they arent impressed, therefore they dont get a liking to me. *sigh* i dont know

 

[Dothan]

for a weird reason they seem to respect me and be just cool with me at least in my workplaces