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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I'm not 100% serious. I'm not really going to try and manipulate him into doing something against his nature. I just wish he would *sigh*

I was going to ask him on leap year day, but he saw it coming and forestalled me, so I never got to ask. I guess that means he definitely doesn't want to get married and we never will. Boo-hoo!
 

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TOOL
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What makes you say that he definitely doesn't want to get married? Maybe he's just not ready yet?
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think he knows that I'd like to get married, but stopped me asking him so he didn't have to say no, and that was over a year ago, so he wasn't just stopping me asking so that he could ask me! But yeah, maybe he'll ask me in future. If he doesn't, well, I know I'm still very lucky to have him as my boyfriend.
 

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She-Wolf
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What makes you say that he definitely doesn't want to get married? Maybe he's just not ready yet?
yeah if he's not ready to do it now maybe just be patient and wait. he might not feel comfortable going as fast as your pace and you should probably let him take his time as i don't think it's a good idea to rush someone into marriage. both partners should be equally as into the idea of getting married and staying together for life, and if they aren't then it would be starting off on a bad foot in my opinion.

thats not to say that he doesn't love you at all, marriage might just mean different things for different people and maybe he's the kind of person who would rather wait a very long time to jump into it.
 

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How long have you been together?

I'm sure he'll propose when he thinks the time is right :) My fiance proposed on our 3 year anniversary - I mean, people need to give things more time. So many rush into things these days, you see people getting married after a year or so, and it's just not enough time to make such a huge commitment.
 

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Chief Worrier
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1,889 Posts
maybe he just doesn't like the idea of marriage. my aunt and uncle never got married, but they've been together like 10 years and they have a 7 year old kid, and clearly they intend to stay together for the rest of their lives.

for that matter, my grandfather never married his second wife, but they've been together for at least as long as i've been alive.
 

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Have you guys actually talked about marriage? All I see is that you "think he knows". He may not. Maybe he's oblivious or afraid to ask right now.
 

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We've been together three and a half years.
Well have the two of you ever discussed marriage? Even in passing? Or has it ever come up when you were discussing your future together and how it would plan out?
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
talk about family
Oh, we've done that. I never want to have children and nor does he, so that's cool. Poor guy is probably confused, cos when I first met him I was really anti-marriage, having seen too many nasty divorces close-up. But he mellowed me so much that I kinda changed my mind over the years, and started thinking that it'd be nice to have a proper ceremony and commit to each other in front of our friends and families...oh, and I want a fancy dress and cake!

However, I haven't explicitly told him this, no. A few months before leap year day, last year, I told him about the tradition that women can propose on leap year day. We talked about it a bit, I think he googled it and he filled me in on bits of the tradition I didn't know (apparently if the guy says no he has to buy the girl a present. How odd). On leap year day itself, I didn't finish work until after midnight, but when we got home I said,
"Hey, it still counts as leap year day cos we haven't been to sleep yet." The next bit's weird, but: he mimed putting in earphones and said
"Hang on, I'm putting in my invisible earphones. What? I can't hear you, what?"

I mean what on earth do you say to that? I suppose I ought to just talk about it with him, get it all out in the open, but gah, I don't want to! I just want him to ask me, d**n it!

lol I'm being daft. "I want" doesn't get, I ought to just be grateful for what I have.
 

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Fun...Fluid...Formidable
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7,159 Posts
I think you need to plant the idea of "proposing" in his mind. So, start asking his opinion on everything.
YOU: I'm hungry. Pizza or chinese? What do you "propose"? (with raised eyebrow for effect)
or
YOU: I'm really not sure about my hair length?! Short and sassy or long and come hitherish? What do you "propose" I do? (that's worth double cuz it has "I do" in it)

You probably get the gist and genius of my "proposal" so don't be surprised if after you employ my strategy he pops the question, out of mind-conditioning if nothing else. :)
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I think you need to plant the idea of "proposing" in his mind. So, start asking his opinion on everything.
YOU: I'm hungry. Pizza or chinese? What do you "propose"? (with raised eyebrow for effect)
or
YOU: I'm really not sure about my hair length?! Short and sassy or long and come hitherish? What do you "propose" I do? (that's worth double cuz it has "I do" in it)

You probably get the gist and genius of my "proposal" so don't be surprised if after you employ my strategy he pops the question, out of mind-conditioning if nothing else. :)
heh heh cool :)
 

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He isn't ready. It doesn't mean he wouldn't eventually want to, you gotta give him time and not put so much pressure, just enjoy the moment. Marriage should be a marathon and not a sprint. As you know, if you wanted to, you have the power to manipulate him into saying yes and getting married, but then when you actually get married you'll think "oh ****, what did I do?."

Let things flow naturally.
 

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unashamed perv
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I see nothing wrong with women proposing, I'd just like him to take the initiative and ask me. I want him to want to marry me, not just go along with it because it's something I want, but I guess maybe I'm being unrealistic.

Through his stomach, huh? I was a chef in a fancy restaurant for years, so I could be on a winner there :)
 

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Viva La Raza!
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34,841 Posts
marriage isnt for everyone. its expensive to get married and expensive to get divorced. its better to just stay together and if things dont workout just go your separate ways
 
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