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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I took the title from the other thread because it's a similar situation.

I've made quite a few posts about someone I work with. Ever since I've started working at my current job, my eyes have locked on this girl. She isn't conventionally a complete hottie to drool and trip over, but she is the type I usually develop a strong crush for.

I've had a crush on her for a very long while now. I won't do anything about it, though, because I really don't want things to get awkward as we work closely together everyday. We talk and joke a lot of the time, but I know I'm not her type, and I've accepted that. The bad thing is, everything she says or does, I take it personally, and try to see if its a sign of her reciprocating feelings or not. I know deep down that she just sees me as a work mate, but I can't get over this damned crush.

Exactly like in the other thread, I do get over her for a bit by avoiding her the best I can at work. However, I take care of outgoing mail, and she always comes in the mail room while I'm in there and gets me to talk. We laugh and joke, but I play it cool, lol, not really caring and just being myself. After I leave, though, I replay what just happened in my head, and think about her smile or how we have a good bit of things in common. Then, I start thinking about her all over again, and I have to see her everyday at work. During the weekend, I try my best to not think about her, but I do, especially since I don't have friends. Sunday evening comes around and I start thinking rationally, that she's just a coworker. Monday, or Tuesday comes, we chat as usual in the mail room, and it starts again.

Its a little bit more complicated because I HAVE to be around her. Is there any advice or anything similar happen to anyone else at work? How did you get over it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
The thing is, I make a lot of things awkward. Not just with her, nearly everyone at my job. I could only imagine how awkward it would be with me sounding like I want to date her. I've had her number for a really long time, but never got the guts to use it. I just want to forget about this crush, but like you said, its like thinking about it, and then trying not to.

She's honestly the one I click with and converse the most with. Harmless jokes here and there. A major reason, though, is I don't want to spend anymore time than I already have to, because I don't want any feelings I have to develop further.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Man, I just know that I'm a f*cked up person, and relationships won't last with me. I have no friends, she has. A lot of the times I feel like she is just talking to me out of pity, because I've told her about my anxiety before. She likes tall, confident guys, who go after what they want. I am neither. Why would I put myself through all of that, just to hear, "sorry g, you're cool and all, but...", you know the rest. I know I sound like a little girl in this thread, but until I get my life under control, and I don't know when that will be, nothing will work for me. I'm tired of thinking about "what ifs" and "was she flirting with me?".

Her and the group of coworkers used to invite me out all the time. I turned down all but a couple, because I was anxious as all hell. They stopped inviting me. Now I'm not blaming them, but who would honestly want to date, or even be friends with someone like that? They all went out to a club or bar yesterday. I know because they were dropping little hints. Not to rub in my face or anything, but just generally talking. I know I didn't get invited because I always turn them down. I came home yesterday depressed. Another coworker actually f*cking asked me if I'm mad, depressed, or lonely because of the way I looked yesterday at work. She asked me if I was lonely... if I was lonely. I can't tell you how much I felt like a b*tch. I laughed and said nah, I'm just sleepy. But honestly, who wants to be friends with, much less date someone who is awkward around work mates who they see everyday. Imagine her actual friends or even family. I bet us hanging out outside of work has never even crossed her mind, but look at what I am talking about.

I need to get over these feelings and maintain a work relationship and that's it. I'm not cut out for this stuff.
 

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I have a similar situation. I've tried to get her out of my head for a while now and the only time I ever do is when I don't see her for a while. But as soon as I see her face I go crazy again. It's been over a year now. We don't work together, but we see each other a short while a few times a week while we are both working.

It's pretty painful. Especially when I know I might actually have a chance with her if I could just ask her out. Can't do it though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Since circumstance will always have it's power, your life will never be one hundred percent in your control. Nothing will work for you? Yeah, that's mainly because of this stain you've got on your self image which basically says: "I am no good. Who would want to date me? Don't be silly." Also known as: "not good enough. not good enough. not good enough".

I know it so well. And trust me, it's more fun to bite the bullet and get knocked back with a girl then it is to spend five minutes in the company of that darkness inside your head.

If you never push that comfort zone of yours then you're never going to gain control over your life.

You get invited out with her and some other co-workers. Now, I know your beliefs explained that one away as it probably being about "pity" but in the real world, people don't invite out people they don't want to spend time with. So we can see that some people think you are a cool guy who they'd like to get to know. Maybe the girl you like will turn you down but if she does, maybe she has a friend or one of her co workers would be good for you.

Who knows? All we do know is that continuing on this path of negative thinking just leads to self destruction.

Fast forward to the end of your life. You're on a bed and you're not getting off it. The heartbeat is falling...getting slower and slower by the second...

Which scenario do you want to be meditating on here? The fact that you did go and give it a go with this girl or the one where you didn't give yourself enough credit to have a go? Which one is going to give you the most peace as the final seconds count down?

Because nothing is as scary as when the heartbeat starts to stop. My friend had her life robbed from her by a lung disease. You've got yours. And I appreciate it's not easy. But if she likes guys who go after what they want and you want her, go after her.
I know what you're saying is right, because I would say the same thing if it were someone else that made this thread. Its just really hard when all girls I've been with except one, were all that initiated contact with me. Those that I've tried "going after" always see me as the friend. Yes, I wouldn't mind going after girls that I actually have interest in, but everytime I've tried, I've been rejected as just a friend. The one girl I did go after and date for a while, just didn't work out as we just weren't compatible.

I know this girl has her flaws, as does everyone, but fear is killing me. I don't want to be a creep. Confidence and self esteem are vital for this sort of thing, but its like a chicken and egg thing. Which comes first? The self esteem and confidence? Or the relationships that help build them? That's why id rather forget about it and maintain a work relationship. You never know until you try I guess. I honestly never thought I would be making this type of thread.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
You're trying to work on the "experience" model of confidence. The assumption that the confidence comes from having had relationships in the past.

Well, lots of people have relationships and they don't necessarily increase their confidence each time they have one. People on this board time and time again confuse familiarity and competence with confidence.

At some point, anyone who does have confidence in this type of thing bit the bullet and did something he wanted to do even though he didn't know what was going to happen when he did.
Thanks for the patience and replies joinmartin. What you said is right. There were a lot of things weighing heavy on my mind last night, and some of it just spilled over. I know if I want any type of closure, I have to do something, instead of watching life pass me by. I know that although it may sting for a bit, that's life, and nothing comes easy.I've dealt with way worse things in my life. There must be something about me that people like, if they continue to talk to me.

I remember when I was about 15, when I was living in belize, there was this dominican girl who lived around the corner from me. She was gorgeous. Caramel skin, long dark hair, about my height and complexion, and spanish was her first language. She would always look over in my direction when me and my friends went to the park in front of her apartment building. One day, she was in the park with her little sister. Me and Allister were under the gazebo about 50 feet away. I told him to go over to her, since he knew her and knew spanish, and tell her that I thought she was beautiful. He went. He came back and said that she said that she wants to talk to me. I was so nervous. I went over there with Allister right next to me to "translate" any words she didn't understand. I froze up in front of him, her, and her little sister. Didn't say a word. I stood up in front of her just looking around so awkwardly. I said bye and walked away. Allister waited until we got around the corner to proceed to laugh and jump around. I couldn't help but laugh either at what just happened. I saw her a few times after that. We were cordial and smiled. She moved to new york a short time after for better schooling, and her mom wasn't making too much money even though she was a doctor.

So yes, looking back, worse things did happen. I may or may not ask her to lunch or something, but I do feel a bit better. Thanks again for the replies joinmartin.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
So... 99.9% sure it was all friendly. I didn't ask her out to coffee or anything, but all signs were there. Atleast I know now though. Still stings a bit, but hey, that's life. I guess I can finally start getting over this now.
 
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