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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ex and I have been broken up for the past couple months. We were together for 8 months. Out of the blue she called me wanting to see me. I don't believe in being friends with an ex but I wanted to see if I could at least be around her without being an emotional wreck and try to get some closure from the break up(it was messy).

I saw her but since she's living with her best friend since we split, it made it difficult to discuss our issues(her friend being one of the problems). I left feeling ok about her and went home a couple hours later but l made sure she knew being friends wouldn't be possible.

Talking with a good buddy of mine the next day, he said he had something to tell me. His wife occasionally still kept in contact with my ex through Facebook(much to my buddy's and my objections, but what are you gonna do). He told me his wife had a falling out of sorts with my ex. The ex told his wife that she still loved me and missed me and wanted to get back together.

The falling out occured due to the ex telling the wife she hooked up with a guy 2 weeks after we broke up and 3 more guys the following months. My buddy's wife got on to her about that, saying she didn't understand how she could do that if she really loved me. Considering I haven't wanted to or have been with anyone since the split, I agreed. I actually was a little surprised his wife stood up for me, since she's one of those "men are always wrong no matter what" types.

The problem I'm having trouble dealing with is part of me wants to get back with her, but since she gave herself to so many in so little amount of time, I know couldn't be with her. I wouldn't be able to trust her or look at her in the same way I used to. If she was in an actual relationship with one of them, I'd understand since intimacy is a normal part of it.

Now here is the real problem. She's been texting and calling me this past day, but I don't think I could handle seeing her again, now that I realize she never loved me to begin with and it's kinda eating me up inside how little I mattered to her. On the other hand, I know I could just ignore her but since I've come so far dealing with my SA, I see this as an opportunity for growth in a bizarre way.

So brothers and sisters, what are your thoughts?

(And please, I know she didn't "technically" cheat on me, but some people just aren't built that emotionally numb to find that kind of behavior acceptable)
 

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While she didn't technically cheat on you, she certainly treated you like you weren't worth enough to her to have your feelings in mind when she went off with whomever.

The honest to god best thing you can do at this point is block and forget. The last thing you want to do is relive all the horrible things she put you through over again.
 

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I think she's a bit confused, and her seeing other people after you broke up was obviously a deal breaker for you so I'm not sure what you're looking for when it comes to responses here?

I don't think that the fact she slept with some other guys means she didn't love you at all (and I mean she told your friends wife she did..) Some people have a messed up way of dealing with things and yes, as you said, she didn't cheat on you and was under no obligation to not sleep with other people after you broke up.

I think you could probably find other people to practise SA exposure therapy with surely? She's apparently in love with you, and you didn't even want to be friends and it just sounds like a recipe for disaster.
 

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All is fair in love and war

Only you can come to a conclusion that fairly allows you and her to come together on an equal field.
All the "what she did" & "I did not do that" scenery on a love tapestry unraveled.
I wish you the best and remember,whats happening to you right now might make a great pub story for that special "other" someone!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Appreciate the feedback guys but I unfortunately was right about her. I was hoping this time apart would allow her to reflect on her actions, as I did myself. No remorse from her, only victimization. My crime? I was always too sensitive and couldn't take a joke. Classic abuser. Now that I know her true colors, I can move on a little easier. The hard part is going to be how to avoid girls like this in the future. Thank you all.
 

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A friend of mine had a similar situation..... His crazy ***** ex didn't talk to him for 3 months and then she wanted to see him one day out of the blue last week or the week before...... he told her straight up that she made him miserable and he hated her
 

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She probably realised that after being with all those other guys that you were better for her, but because she's alone now and she didn't have the guts to treat you with respect like a decent human being (which likely is a reflection of the lack of respect she has for herself) she wants to feel desired/not alone again.

I say ditch her and move on with life. You want someone that makes you look forward to living life, not question it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
She probably realised that after being with all those other guys that you were better for her, but because she's alone now and she didn't have the guts to treat you with respect like a decent human being (which likely is a reflection of the lack of respect she has for herself) she wants to feel desired/not alone again.
That's what I kept hearing from friends for the past couple days.

@Persephone: She was verbally abusive but hid it under "sarcasm" or "I'm only joking".
 
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