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Well, I think that's pretty normal. Do you have alot of other friends? I also get attatched to people pretty easily. When you lack that kind of attention, you tend to go overkill sometimes. Or maybe it's not just the normal cravings for you, in that case you should talk to a therapist. I don't think this is anything unusual though, we all need friends :)
 

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I know what you mean because I'm the same way. I don't have millions of friends, but I have a couple of really good, close friends. I started a new job about two years ago and I've gotten really attached to the people I've met here to the point where I don't just want to be colleagues with them, but I want us to be FRIENDS. I feel like sometimes it's not appropriate because we're in a professional environment, but I tend to turn them into friendships regardless of whether or not the other person feels the same way.

I think it's just a craving for attention/wanting to be loved/wanting to be close to someone. I don't have an answer for you because I am struggling with the same issue. I find myself thinking about these people on the weekends and wanting to hang out with them outside of work. I went so far as to text a coworker about a non-work conversation we were having. I think it's important to keep busy and keep yourself occupied so that you don't get too hung up on these people. It's tough, but it's what i've been doing and it's working somewhat. I'm taking a couple of online courses and joined an extracurricular activity and made plans with some of my (real) friends.

Good luck. Hope this helps :)
 

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I know what you mean because I'm the same way. I don't have millions of friends, but I have a couple of really good, close friends. I started a new job about two years ago and I've gotten really attached to the people I've met here to the point where I don't just want to be colleagues with them, but I want us to be FRIENDS. I feel like sometimes it's not appropriate because we're in a professional environment, but I tend to turn them into friendships regardless of whether or not the other person feels the same way.

I think it's just a craving for attention/wanting to be loved/wanting to be close to someone. I don't have an answer for you because I am struggling with the same issue. I find myself thinking about these people on the weekends and wanting to hang out with them outside of work. I went so far as to text a coworker about a non-work conversation we were having. I think it's important to keep busy and keep yourself occupied so that you don't get too hung up on these people. It's tough, but it's what i've been doing and it's working somewhat. I'm taking a couple of online courses and joined an extracurricular activity and made plans with some of my (real) friends.

Good luck. Hope this helps :)
Hi all

I feel like I have a problem- I get attached to people I like (platonically, not in terms of wanting to be in a relationship) far too easily. As an example, I started a new job last September and met a nice bunch of people to hang out with. I wouldn't say I'm very good friends with any of them but I enjoy drinks after work occasionally with them.

So on Friday we went out to the pub after work and one of the guys casually mentioned that he was leaving in a few months time. Despite not knowing him for very long or very well I was pretty upset by this. He's a really nice person, I felt we have clicked, share similar interests and had the potential to become quite good friends. But now that he's leaving I feel like it's another potential friendship lost.

I know other people will come along, I know I can keep in touch with him (although there wouldn't really be any reason to as I have only known him very briefly)..but basically my question is, how can I 'care less' about people I barely know? The amount of time I've spent thinking about this loss of a potential friendship this weekend has meant I've not had the energy or inclination to do the pile of chores/work I have to get done...

thanks!
Hi, I felt the need to respond here, I feel the same way!! I have gotten very attached to other women in a few situations. In most of the cases, we wound up not becoming friends in the end. In one case, we did become friends, but a few years later she got married and moved abroad, and we have only been in loose contact since then.
If you want to look it up, you can see my thread(s) about a coworker that I once worked with who I got very obsessed with (probably moreso than you). I realize intellectually how unhealthy it is for me, but emotionally I still feel the same way and the passage of time has not helped me.
In your situation, I think that if he seems to genuinely want to be friends with you, maybe you can try to stay in touch even after he leaves the job. Perhaps try to talk to him before his last day about the possibility of continuing to get together after he leaves the job?
 

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I guess this happens to me too realistically. I'll just feel like this one person is my best friend and understands me best and I might rely on them psychologically a little more than is best. It's almost never mutual though. (I was probably younger than 10 the last time I was anyone's best friend.) It's funny because normally my question would be like, "how do I become more attached to people?", but I guess I experience this too. It's just been a long time since I've had a friend like that. It does seem kind of normal though. I wish I had something helpful to say. :/
 

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I think this would be pretty common amongst people on this site.

The fewer people you have in your life the more value you put on the relationships you do have. And quite often you are nowhere near as important to them as they are to you....

Don't have any advice as I do this regularly. In fact if anyone knows how to stop it i'd be very interested to read it!
 

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By investing in yourself and encouraging the characteristics you find attracive in others, in yourself. Also, you can't look to others for self esteem. First and foremost, love yourself, value yourself and do not sacrifice your "self" to or for others.
 

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By investing in yourself and encouraging the characteristics you find attracive in others, in yourself. Also, you can't look to others for self esteem. First and foremost, love yourself, value yourself and do not sacrifice your "self" to or for others.
I agree with this. I also think it's good to realize that people always come and go in your life. It's hard to accept (it is for me anyway), but that's how life tends to flow. Appreciate whatever you have with people, but don't forget that it's never forever.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
By investing in yourself and encouraging the characteristics you find attracive in others, in yourself. Also, you can't look to others for self esteem. First and foremost, love yourself, value yourself and do not sacrifice your "self" to or for others.
I agree with this. I also think it's good to realize that people always come and go in your life. It's hard to accept (it is for me anyway), but that's how life tends to flow. Appreciate whatever you have with people, but don't forget that it's never forever.
Thank you- this sounds like good advice. I know in my head that people come and go but, for me too, it's hard to accept. Maybe because I've never really had to let go of someone I am fond of (when I left school, I knew I realistically wouldn't keep in touch with anyone. and when I left university I knew I would keep in touch). Also this is the first person in ages I've met who I really feel is on a similar wavelength to me- just my luck that he has to leave so soon..
 

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I get this way with people online, since I don't get the chance to socialize IRL. Cripes, I feel like I get familiar with people on this forum and I feel a connection to them, even though we've never been in touch except maybe to reply to each other's posts now and then, and then when they leave I get all depressed like they were an actual friend of mine, when in truth they probably barely know me at all (and for all I know they don't miss or think about me)! But I always feel that way anyway. :sigh

I haven't advice, I'm afraid...part of this for me might have come from the fact that I've had friends come and go my entire life, nothing has been permanent, and I wish so much that something WAS. I want something that lasts! I don't want to spend time getting close to somebody who's just going to leave! I always feel like the world and other people quickly move on without me. It kills me that people come and go so fast. I have abandonment issues, even on the Internet. :/
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Has anyone had therapy for this kind of thing? I have other anxiety issues too (not being very good in group situations, certain people/situations also make me nervous) and I'm wondering whether cognitive behaviour therapy or other therapy will help me work through these attachment issues (and other issues).
 

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When you become more sociable and make more friends you won't get as attached. You will find that when other people start to become more attached to you it kinda feels weird and you start to back away from them.
 
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