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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone know when or how did his/her SA begin? Was it always there or just manifested itself at some point in life? And when did you realize you have SA?

I realized mine several years ago while I was attending university. I always knew something was wrong with me, but never understood why things are the way they are.

If I think back now, I don't remember any SA issues when I was younger than 10. Just a regular kid as anyone else in my class at elementary. Things started changing when I was sixth or seventh grade. From then on, until third or fourth year of university, things were becoming just worse and worse. I don't know how did it begin. Nothing changed at that period of my life, not at all... Didn't move, attended classes with the same kids, same teachers...
 

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I think it manifested itself when I was little over time when people would get mad/frustrated at me for no justifiable reason(teachers, friends, etc). THis made me quiet and shy and then I became even worse once people started criticizing me for being quiet(ie. everyone)
 

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I used to be the star of the school plays in primary school, top of the class for the state, long distance runner, blah blah. . .

Then . . .puberty.

On stage doing a play, first year of high school, massive unexpected panic attack, mind went blank, forgot my lines, couldn't speak, had to be led off stage.

And that was it. Screwed for lfe.
 

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Same as some of the others mine hit me during puberty. Before that shyness was non exisitant. I remember one specific event in 7th grade that was the first time i had felt like i shouldve kept quiet. From there it started happening more frequently until the transformation was complete.
 

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I think I was always kind of shy, but after so many problems in HS it turned into a problem. I lost friends, and was rejected by the popular kids, so I felt I was not worthy of human contact.
 

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Puberty sounds roughly right for me.

On stage doing a play, first year of high school, massive unexpected panic attack, mind went blank, forgot my lines, couldn't speak, had to be led off stage.

And that was it. Screwed for lfe.
How much was that an incidental starting point verses your consciously hanging onto that event?
 

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Living in a house full of screaming and fighting in combination with being bullied in school probably contributed. Never felt right being around other people. Been trying to overcome this lately and I'm doing better.
 

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I think it started when I was 7 or 8. Before that I was very outgoing and constantly getting in trouble for being loud figity and talking too much. Then suddenly I was too afraid to speak up or draw any kind of attention to myself!
 

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anyone else like this ?

2 years ago when we had a school trip at the end of the schoolyear
I don't know exactly why; many reasons + some I don't know - I felt **** from the beginning on. So I didn't talk much and looked obviously depressed.

I had a knife in my bag (that's usually nothing weird) - but then people acted really strange, a bit like I was planning an amok (they thought that would be the reason why I was so depressed/silent/.. or sth).
One talked to the teacher about the knife while I was 2m away (day/s later) and when we went to the airport a 'friend checked my bag (while I got it on) because of a request of someone if I still got it in there (2hours before security check).
I got the same feeling I have now the whole week. (but it started up from beginning of the week not just after above)
As I'm not stupid I know that could have been imagination to some degrees

But the weird thing is:
After this week I slowly got back to normal and was almost a year living without that. But then 1 year ago it started and I don't know why.

Yea life ****ed 365/365 suffering from self consciousness/SP

Anyone knows something about above or maybe had/has the same ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Looks like it began during puberty for many of us. Also lot of fighting at home, but this is another thing that has always been as is. No big changes at that period (or I just don't remember).

I'm just trying to understand what exactly happened to me. Don't know if that knowledge would bring any good or bad (perhaps more bad than good), but it would certainly explain why am I who I am.
 

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When I was around 13 I decided to stop hanging around with my real friends and hang out with the 'cool' people. Biggest ****ing regret of my life! I've actually had dreams where my old friends were there, then when I would remember the dream the reality would hit me that no, they're not your friends anymore. That always feels like crap! :(
 

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I had issues about my appearance growing up, and I was bullied, they manifested themselves into a web of pre-occupation with reassurance seeking behaviours and avoidance. I never really realised what had happened until I was a lot older.
 

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I remember kindergarten being alright, then some family problems that summer and from 1st grade on it got worse and worse. There are times that it isn't so bad and sometimes debilitating. I wonder if the good times are because of the meds though.
 

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Mine was caused from being heavily bullied by a teacher and many class mates in elementary school. Ever since I've been afraid of people and being made fun of or looking stupid. My dad contributes too, he's very controlling and makes people feel stupid if they don't get things right away. Also I'm adopted so it gave me self esteem issues. Idk I think its mostly due to being bullied as a kid and not having friends because of it.
 

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Been like this as long as I can remember. My dad had SA. I suppose at least some of it is genetic. Bullying and rejection from my peers didn't help any. I'm not as shy as I once was but I'm much more shy than a "normal" person. :)
 

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My brother had always bullied me when I was little. He'd call me names, hurt me, and make me cry often, turning me into a bit of a shy kid. I was still quite good with other people and had plenty of friends in primary school. However I really started feeling it around the beginning of middle school. It felt like every year, I was growing more and more anxious and self conscious, and losing the old, outgoing person I was. People would sometimes take advantage of me because I was so tolerant. I'd get teased by other kids often as well. I guess from there it's elevated.
 

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I think it beagn when I was a child..i spoke less,i was abook bug,i mom didnt pay that required attention to me..i didnt even used to play at in the open..i was scared of the outside world..that made me hate my life too..further at school I was almost invisible,nobody even felt my presence,no attention to my speech..i was a topper though didnt work for my happiness...n lately my ex-boyfriend added loads of suffering to my life n last but not the least I lost a dream job..i was very near..just one more step n I failed...
 

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Mine started around age 7. I remember coming home from elementary school and showing my report card to my dad, and he would call me a dummy, retard, and rip it up in my face. This would occur all the time when I received bad grades. I would then go to my mom crying and she would say "it's ok". From then on, I have always been treated like a "special person" and was almost forced to go into "special ed", when i was in the 3rd grade. From then on I was/ and sitll is afraid to do tasks in public with people behind me. I don't even want to ever want to do anything with people judging me. I'm scared to drive, people always looking at me. Pumping gas is another thing. Even in my teen years, I was treated like an idiot, called names all by my parents. They knew I couldn't do anything right.
 

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Ah, that's the question, isn't it? How did this start?

About 6 months or so ago, I remembered something from childhood I'd forgotten. I think it may be my earliest memory, certainly one of them. It involved my mother attempting to leave me in a daycare, me looking for a toy I had played with on a previous trip there, me doing something that made me feel embarrassed and laughed at, then screaming and crying uncontrollably, and refusing to be left there with the other kids. It's like my life in microcosm: parental abandonment, public humiliation, feeling bullied by peers, loss of something I loved or wanted, and not fitting in to the situation.

Thirty-three years later, and I don't think anything has changed. All those feelings have been reinforced by parental figures and peers. Society continues to operate in ways that feel strange and uncomfortable to me, and I rarely get to hold on to what I want or value.
 

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Puberty i got to the point that i wasnt feeling normal during presentations and so on, wasnt feeling good with other people around me, i just wanted to go out and play football or do something instead of wasting my time indoor sitting with girls, (that i already had ****ed up socially cause of my anxiety) but i took a lot of days of, missed a lot of school during this time.
maybe cause i lost a good friend or smth. i dont know it sux

i mean all girls are after you, when you are 13-15 years old, and when u stand out with either long hair w/e i had at that time, so i had already been together with all the girls, remembering playing strip poker with one of them :i
but i usually screwed the girls, like at partys i wouldent hug them cause my family was near or yeah you name it.
and i felt very anxious on the way out of my classroom, in 9th grade all my friends used to do was to sit and talk, and if there was a question with like what are you up for next weekend, my head would becomming red!!!! and just feeling so anxious cause i didnt know what to answer. and some ppl would be like hahaha hes head is red meh..
I mean i was popular, but i was SO anxious all the time, atleast i felt so


My dad was a psycho, that followed ppl around and was on meth and so on, he beated my moms doctor up my mom told me that he sat outside hes house and he couldent even get out of the house, and every1 that contacted my mom until my mom moved away with us me and my younger brother, but my dad followed and never left my mom alone.
me and my brow was brought to a foster family without a notice, and i was left with 4-5 other kids and my lil brow! so i guess just getting into the foster familiy was kinda scary for me.
so i guess my childhood wasnt the best either, funny thing is my brother doesent feel just a tiny bit of anxiety, he can play hes guitar infront of 500+ people, and sing.
and my dad was a kinda scary guy :) but i liked him until he died in 2001
What my mom said can be a lie though, since it was like a war in between them, and my mom was an alcoholic abuser, that my dad didnt like.

+ my mom also has social anxiety that she thinks she got from when she found out as the first person that her dad had hang himself, my dad prolly didnt have SA but he prob had different other disorders
..

BUT it def. Got better with the years, i still feel abnormal during class discussions, but i think i have learned to accept myself better or think different, i still sit in the class hoping the teacher is not picking me, and just trying to hold it in :( and i can still take days of during presentation days, but it got better!
Im only 19 but my mind is older..
 
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