Some background on my life: I feel like I am different from other people with respect to friendships. I have had 2 best friends for pretty much my entire life. One I met in 2nd grade and the other in 8th grade. I was always very shy and I never really had any friends until I met friend 1. From 2nd grade to senior year in high school, I made pretty much all of my friends through her including my other best friend. I feel like I never matured socially like everyone else did. I always let friend one do all the work and I rarely stepped out of my comfort zone. I went to day camp and sleep away camp with friend one, went to Hebrew school with her, I joined clubs with her, played field hockey with her and, did community service with her. Joining any sort of organization on my own was horrifying. So, as you can imagine going to college alone was like a nightmare to me. Making friends and hanging out with other people without friend 1 or my other best friend being there is so strange and scary. In college, I feel like a fish out of water. I am currently a second semester freshman at a school 6 hours away from home which has 12,000 undergraduates. This past semester has been very difficult for me. I made a bunch of friends but I cannot stop comparing them to my old friends. I do not click with my new friends nearly as much and I just don't have as much fun with them. Many of my college friends irritate me and I get sick of them. I never get sick of my high school friends. I know for a fact if I went to college with at least one of my best friends, I would be having the time of my life right now.
Anyway, I am thinking about transferring because I would rather be attending a school that is closer to home and smaller. The thought of transferring to a new school, not knowing anyone, and completely starting over again freaks me out so much. So then I started playing with the idea that maybe I should transfer to the school that one of my best friends goes to. This would make adjusting to a new school a lot easier. I have a friend (friend 2) who goes to a school that would be a perfect fit for me. I really want to transfer to her school. We always have so much fun together and I honestly cannot imagine ever having a better friend then her. I would probably sacrifice never making another friend in my life if it was guaranteed that we would stay friends and continue to do things together for the next 70 years. I cannot shake the feeling that college would be so much better if I was there with one of my best friends.
But I know that I can't follow a friend to her school even if the school is a good fit for me academically, price-wise, ect. Its not a good idea to just attach myself to her and her friends. That would be very embarrassing and pathetic. So then I started thinking maybe if I transferred to her school but made my own friends and did my own thing, would it be so bad? It would still be comforting to have someone there who I know even if we do not see each other very often. It would be sort of a weird situation though if we each had our own groups of friends. How can we be best friends at home and then acquaintances/not so close friends in college? I feel like this would be a very awkward situation for both of us and we will end up growing apart because of it.
So it is a bad idea to transfer to her school any way I spin it. I made up my mind that I am either going to stick it out at my current school or transfer to a school where I do not know anyone. I guess I just want someone to convince me completely that transferring to my friend's school would be a bad idea. I need to get the thought out of my mind so I can move on and enjoy college. I just keep on coming back to the thought that maybe I cant enjoy college without at least one of my high school friends. Maybe going to college alone is just too much change for me to handle. Is going to college with friends or one friend really that bad? People do it all the time. I know I would be so embarrassed and disappointed with myself if I transferred to my friend's school. I just can't get the thought out of my mind that college would be so much better with her.
Thanks for reading. And I know I am thinking way too much about this.