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I have constant paranoia about if I look negatively towards others. In every single way. e.g. if I look annoying, over the top, strange, like a drama queen, hypocritical, over sensitive, like a pig, stupid, awkward, etc...you name it.

How can I stop fearing or thinking that I am these things? I often ask people but that probably gets annoying in itself, so I'm trying to curb that too.
 

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I'm not sure and I'm also tired but I saw this just before heading off.

One way may be acceptance, acceptance that you will never get everything socially or in your appearance spot on. There are too many factors. People have different personalities. I prefer calm, not in your face people like myself. To other's that may come off as boring.

With that, another way is reading people, body language, listening etc. Not in a manipulative way, and acting appropriately. This may be helpfull socially, in business meetings etc but don't over do it or you may come off as 'false' or trying to hard. And of course you shouldn't feel that pressure to sell yourself out.

I have issues like everyone and I probably don't try hard enough but I'd really just rather be my stoic self.
 

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I agree with low. Acceptance helps alot. That is, accepting who you are, even the things you don't like so much, and also accepting other people for who they are and their differences. Try to remember everyone is equal, which means you're not inferior to anyone. You are never going to please everybody! And not everyone is going to please you. There is always someone who is going to think or say something negative about you. And that could either be because they think differently to you, or they are jealous and feel threatened. Basing your life on opinions of others is pointless. It's ok to be yourself.

Easier said than done though..
 

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If we could all solve this problem, I don't think SA would exist (or at least not to the extent in which it degrades our quality of living.)

One thing my therapist tried to ingrain into my mind is that not everyone is out to get you and the majority of people are too caught up in themselves (self-centered) to actually care what you are doing. In fact, the very thought that everyone is paying attention and judging to every little action you take could be considered self-centered too.
 

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poison apple
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You can't control how others perceive you, so when you think of it that way, it's easy to see how worrying about it is a waste of energy.

Also, remember that the way others view you doesn't change the person you are. People will ascribe all kinds of motives and traits to you that may or may not be correct. We're all guilty of that in some way or another; it's human nature. If their idea of you is wrong, then that's their problem. You don't need to prove yourself to others.
 

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Sternritter
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I agree with low. Acceptance helps alot. That is, accepting who you are, even the things you don't like so much, and also accepting other people for who they are and their differences. Try to remember everyone is equal, which means you're not inferior to anyone. You are never going to please everybody! And not everyone is going to please you. There is always someone who is going to think or say something negative about you. And that could either be because they think differently to you, or they are jealous and feel threatened. Basing your life on opinions of others is pointless. It's ok to be yourself.

Easier said than done
though..
That's right. Lots of "do as I say, not as I do" goes on around here.
 

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I have constant paranoia about if I look negatively towards others. In every single way. e.g. if I look annoying, over the top, strange, like a drama queen, hypocritical, over sensitive, like a pig, stupid, awkward, etc...you name it.

How can I stop fearing or thinking that I am these things? I often ask people but that probably gets annoying in itself, so I'm trying to curb that too.
The hard part is how to keep ignoring them when they get really obnoxious and won't get out of your face.
 

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Focus on being genuine. Focus on being honest (in a tactful way). When you know you're that kind of person it's easier to be satisfied with yourself because you've set standards for yourself and your behavior. At that point it becomes easier to not worry about what others think, or so I find.
 

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Sternritter
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I guess that's how you see it. People are just trying to help others out with their problems. This has helped me ALOT, but it's not easy. Just being honest.
I'm an over analyzer. Thought about this topic many times and reached alot of the same conclusions you did. Still, it's like.. if some prick wants to talk down to me, even if I know they are the piece of ****, I'm the one walking away feeling like it and they get to walk away satisfied with themselves.

Knowledge is only a quarter of the battle. If your goal is to never be percieved negatively then you are delusional. At the same time if you don't care what other people think then you are ignorant.
 

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I'm an over analyzer. Thought about this topic many times and reached alot of the same conclusions you did. Still, it's like.. if some prick wants to talk down to me, even if I know they are the piece of ****, I'm the one walking away feeling like it and they get to walk away satisfied with themselves.

Knowledge is only a quarter of the battle. If your goal is to never be percieved negatively then you are delusional. At the same time if you don't care what other people think then you are ignorant.
Ok, but how do you know they get to walk away satisfied with themselves? You can't read their minds. You really don't know what they are thinking. They could feel as **** as you, maybe even worse. You don't know what problems the other person has or what lead them to act that way towards you.
I never said my goal was never to be thought of in a negative way, that's laughable, it is impossible. And you're always going to care what other people think to a certain extent, it's just how you decide to let it affect you.
 

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in an epic battle w/SAD
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i've come to a realization during my life with s.a., and that is, most of the time, you are the one psyching yourself out because of some past bad experience that you've had. we are all more sensitive to things and overly analytical, so if we messed up and looked like a fool because of some stupid thing we did when we were young, we'll always fear making the same mistake again.

you can easily see how several bad experiences can build up to the point of you being paranoid of ANY action that you are doing.

the truth is we are all freaking out for no reason. yes, some people won't like how you act. yes, some others will like how you act. it's true when people tell you to learn to not give a shizz. it's WAYYY harder to do than say obviously, but we have to make an attempt to learn how to deconstruct these paranoid barriers we've created over the years and to just be ourselves, whether people laugh at us or with us.
 

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I agree with a lot of the advice here. I cant say that Im anywhere near having overcome this myself, but a few things I find are helpful....

- Building your own self esteem. When you start to truly like yourself and feel proud of who you are...the way other people see you becomes less valuable.

- Realizing that EVERYONE has issues. There is not a person on earth who doesnt have some insecurities, some worries, some psychological mess. If you start seeing other people as flawed instead of you being the only flawed one amongst a sea of people who seemingly have it all together...you'll give their judgement of you less merit.

- Realizing people are inherently selfish. Even if you walk outside with your face painted blue...people will look and give you about 5 seconds of thought before they turn their thoughts back to themselves.
 
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