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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know it's not easy, but I'm tired of living my life like this. I really don't wan to go into adulthood feeling scared to talk to people and even stepping out of my house. I want to change. I'm actually seeing a therapist but I don't see any progress there. I just need steps on how to slowly overcome the fear of being in social places and be able to talk to people. All my years growing up I heard "why don't you talk?" and was called the shy, quiet girl and I really want to changed that. Yesterday I went to my cousin's birthday and sat next to my aunt who is mentally disabled, but doesn't look like she is she just acts like a 13 year old when she's actually 29. I sat at the tables with her and couldn't even think of anything to say to her even though I'm comfortable around her my mind goes blank. At the party I waited like 2 hours until I felt comfrontable to get up and go to the bathroom. Why? Because I feel people are going to stare and judge me. My 2 cousins and my cousin boyfriend went to a car show in the middle of the party and it got me thinking that if I wasn't this stupid quiet girl they would be happy to invite me. Also, I feel that people are seeing me as a werido because Im in therapy and I'm not going to regular. My Mom told my grandparents that I'm doing those two things, which is fine but then my Grandma goes and tells everyone she knows and my Grandpa I feel treats me differently. My Grandma actually does treat me a little different too, like her daughter my aunt that I was with in the party. She actually compared me to her that we are the same way, but I beg to differ. My brain is working properly but I just can't speak, I guess.
 

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Basically you need to put yourself in more anxiety provoking situations. The more you're in them, the more you get use to it.
Easier said then done though.

There are small steps you can take however, try MEETUP.com or go to one of the local meetups that are set up through this website. They are exclusively for shy/introverted/socially anxious people like you and I. Its a good start.

I really hope you can sort things out too. It's not fun having SA we all know it, I hope some others can help by giving some helpful links or feedback.

I had some links I wanted to share but firefox deleted them...
 

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Beyond Shyness

Hi ForeverQuiet. I'm reading a great self-help book right now, titled "Beyond Shyness, How to Conquer Social Anxieties" by Jonathan Berent.

This book was 100% accurate in helping me diagnose my SA. Extremely articulate in explaining all the issues one has with SA that I could never describe. I am still reading through it (it's not a huge book, but there are a lot of exercises in there, so it's actually a self-help course). Though I'm definitely not "cured," all the knowledge I have gained from reading the book thus far has definitely enlightened me and made me feel more empowered about defeating my SA.

On that note, can anyone else suggest books that help? Has anyone read "Beyond Shyness" and can say it helped them?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I know I need to put myself out there but I just don't know how to carry out a conversation. Like I said my mind goes blank and even if it didn't nothing happens in my life it's always the same thing in repeat mode. Do school at home finish and go on my computer.
I don't know about online meetup websites. All the stories I've heard about meeting with people online makes me paranoid. But I guess I can I've it a try..

Interesting Apollo, my therapist actually recommended a book as well but it deals with anxiety and phobias.
I definitely enjoy reading books that are self-guided. I will look into that book.
 

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I know I need to put myself out there but I just don't know how to carry out a conversation. Like I said my mind goes blank and even if it didn't nothing happens in my life it's always the same thing in repeat mode. Do school at home finish and go on my computer.
I don't know about online meetup websites. All the stories I've heard about meeting with people online makes me paranoid. But I guess I can I've it a try..

Interesting Apollo, my therapist actually recommended a book as well but it deals with anxiety and phobias.
I definitely enjoy reading books that are self-guided. I will look into that book.
You meet up with a BUNCH of people at the same time like at a bowling alley and stuff. Its really quite safe. It tells you even how many people are going to each event. There are usually several events throughout the month.

And what you have IS social anxiety, you just need to be put in more situations where you are anxious. Eventually you'll be so use to being in those situations the anxiety will go down and down and down and ventually go away ! :)
 

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Interesting Apollo, my therapist actually recommended a book as well but it deals with anxiety and phobias.
I definitely enjoy reading books that are self-guided. I will look into that book.
If you are comfortable with telling me, what was the name of the book? I may pick it up myself. Knowledge is power, especially in SA!
 

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Exposure didn't work so well for me; it just reinforced my insecurities. I'm now absolutely certain that I'm socially retarded. But I suppose if your exposures were positive experiences, you would find that socializing isn't so bad.

I suggest medication and therapy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You meet up with a BUNCH of people at the same time like at a bowling alley and stuff. Its really quite safe. It tells you even how many people are going to each event. There are usually several events throughout the month.

And what you have IS social anxiety, you just need to be put in more situations where you are anxious. Eventually you'll be so use to being in those situations the anxiety will go down and down and down and ventually go away ! :)
I'm still underage so I doubt there is people my age on that website.. But at my school they were holding high school hang outs (I'm homeschooled) and I ended up not going but I'm sure there will be more.
But even when I'm not anxious and I'm surrounded with people who I'm comfortable with I tend to act distant and I can never actually carry a conversation or start one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
If you are comfortable with telling me, what was the name of the book? I may pick it up myself. Knowledge is power, especially in SA!
Yes, I can tell you it's actually a very big book. I haven't purchased it yet, but my therapist recommend me to get it like I mentioned but the thing is she doesn't see me as having social anxiety BUT I will give you the title and author tomorrow because I have to search for the paper and right now I'm getting ready for bed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Exposure didn't work so well for me; it just reinforced my insecurities. I'm now absolutely certain that I'm socially retarded. But I suppose if your exposures are positive experiences, you would find that socializing isn't so bad.

I suggest medication and therapy.
Don't put yourself down! :(
I pretty sure you aren't socially retarded we just have a harder time socializing because we're introverts.
I am doing therapy but I don't see it working but I guess it's my fault too for not following her suggestions.
They don't want to give me medication because I'm underage. Mainly because of all the teenagers who abuse prescription drugs for their pleasure. Anyways, I don't really want to rely on a pill every single day of my life. That is my last resort.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
This helped me a lot, maybe it'll help you. I was kind of in the same situation you're in not too long ago (I think everyone that has or has had SA has at one point been there). This is in no way a "quick fix", but I believe that over time this guide definitely helps :).

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/social-skills-101-a-126784/
Thanks! I will definitely try. I mean there is nothing to lose anyway. :)
Sorry I took awhile to reply I just been busy with school and things.
 

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Thanks! I will definitely try. I mean there is nothing to lose anyway. :)
Sorry I took awhile to reply I just been busy with school and things.
No problem :). Good luck!
 

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All my years growing up I heard "why don't you talk?" and was called the shy, quiet girl and I really want to changed that.
That was EXACTLY the case for me as well. (Except that I am a guy). People always wondered why I would not talk and, as with you, they knew me as being shy & very quiet. It wasn't until many years later that I knew what the problem was with me (and no, it wasn't really social anxiety as I originally had thought when i joined this forum. SA is just a symptom).

If you want to know what the most likely problem is for you and most others here, then go to my thread. http://tinyurl.com/257kgpm

Lifetimer
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
That was EXACTLY the case for me as well. (Except that I am a guy). People always wondered why I would not talk and, as with you, they knew me as being shy & very quiet. It wasn't until many years later that I knew what the problem was with me (and no, it wasn't really social anxiety as I originally had thought when i joined this forum. SA is just a symptom).

If you want to know what the most likely problem is for you and most others here, then go to my thread. http://tinyurl.com/257kgpm

Lifetimer
Yeah, I dread heating those words ever single time. When I was younger I know I was quiet but as I reached the middle school age I realized that I had a bigger problem because I watched people who were shy open up to their friends and I never did that.
Ok I will check that link out. :)
But don't want to really add to my problems I have with myself..
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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