Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, hi.

I have this brother who suffers from severe social anxiety. In the 10th grade he dropped out of high school. He has literally not left the house in about 3 years. A couple of years before that he received counseling from a therapist and was put on medication. This did wonders for him. He returned to school, he went on a family vacation and he actually looked more socially confident than me. But then, out of nowhere he decided to stop going to therapy and stop taking his medication. He reverted back to staying in his room all day, dropped out and now we're where we were 4 years ago.

It's pretty serious. I have social anxiety too but for whatever reason it never got to his level. I mean, I've never had fun at a party or even a gathering of more than 3 people but at least I've managed school. I think it's because as a child he use to make me do everything for him. Things like answering the door or picking up the phone. So I guess I owe that to him.

The entire family doesn't know what to do. My mom wants him to return to therapy but he refuses. We've talked about calling the police on him because we literally have no idea what to do.

My dad is strongly against calling the police because he's afraid that they will just put him in some group home where he has no real chance of recovering. What can we do? He's about to turn 21 years old and we feel his life is already ruined.

What are our options? Can we force someone to go to therapy?

Thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
99 Posts
His life is far from ruined at 21. Stunted, yes, but ruined, no. I'm not completely sure if there's anything that anyone else can do for him because he did all these things for a reason. He chose to stop taking his medicine and stop seeing a therapist, these are things you can't really be forced out of.

Here's what I suggest: Sit down, one on one, and talk to your brother. Ask him why he stopped taking the medicine and why he doesn't want to see the therapist. You've probably already done this, maybe even multiple times, but be completely sure that you are in an understanding and listening mood. If you get angry, seem bored or like you don't really care all too much, he'll close off because he feel like he's not being heard. Once you've talked to him and figured out why he chose to do that, the opportunity to help will be much easier to see.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yeah, talking with him is difficult. Not just because he has SA but because we both kind of do. I've tried but even saying 'hey' results in an angry "what?".

I'm sure he stopped for a reason but I as a victim of SA I don't think I care for his reasons. If they're anything like my reasons they are founded in fear and anxiety. I almost feel like it needs to be done for his own good.
 

·
P4
Joined
·
1,238 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
472 Posts
My nephew has SA as do I. He tried all kinds of medications/therapy in his early 20's but none really worked. He collects a disability cheque every month. His mother has tried to make the best of the situation by making sure he has a home, old car to drive etc. I should add he also is tired all the time.

As the years progress (he is now about 34) I see the way things are going. He relys on his mother for everything, she is his only friend. His brother rarely sees him. His mother has health problems and having a son that doesn't work increases her stress level. He gets no support from his family because they simply don't understand.

I really don't know why your brother would not want to help himself.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
I'm sure he stopped for a reason but I as a victim of SA I don't think I care for his reasons. If they're anything like my reasons they are founded in fear and anxiety. I almost feel like it needs to be done for his own good.
The above comment indicates to me why he could be unwilling to talk. For open communication to occur, the person must not feel pressurized or judged. You stating you do not care for his reasons--no matter why exactly you think this is justified--is a sign of this. I certainly would not feel comfortable discussing my reasons with someone who held this attitude.

Doing things for someone's "own good", particularly if they are sane adult, is similarly unhelpful. It can be used to justify all kinds of treatment. For example, if the police were to be called. I know it is a very difficult situation, but blaming him for not communicating or trying harder and trying to force him to do anything will only destroy trust, not make him well. Gaining his trust and communication is key.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top