Bittersweet, I'm back from my parents which is good but after spending a month with them I got used to being around them again and miss them. It is nice having faster Internet again, and tonight I plan on having a few drinks. We will be having them over for Thanksgiving so I will see them then, and then again on my birthday, then on Christmas.
I just worry about them, I liked being able to help them with the chores and keeping my mother and father company, plus I'll miss walking with my father on the trails. I'll also miss having their pool to swim in, that thing was a lot of fun. I jumped in the pool yesterday, despite it being a bit cold and swam around for about half an hour, it was relaxing - I might jump in it in December, but I doubt I'll stay in it for long. I kind of wish they moved closer, but it is still just an hour drive from my house. In the summer I get to see them more.
But now I have a bit of privacy, I'm back with my family and my dork of a dog, which I like. I won't have to listen to my parents argue with one another, or be back seat drivers, I can go back to doing things the way I like to do things without feeling guilty about not doing it their way, and so on. Plus my wife was starting to get depressed, I was going to stay with my parents until either this Tuesday or next, but it has been hard on her so I decided to come back early. Now I don't have to worry about her being depressed, which is good.
It is weird, being back. It has only been a month, but my routine is completely off now. I guess I don't really feel like I am "home" in a way, because I have been gone for so long. For now I'm just here with my dog, the rest of the family is off at school. They will not be back for another four hours or so. I think I might clean up the garage a little.
Usually after speaking with my therapist, I feel at least a bit of relief but not this time. So much is bothering me right now and I am having trouble dealing with it all. Plus, this weekend is the time change and that always spikes my anxiety.
Been a while since I've been here. I'm feeling alright. A bit lonely. Trying to reconnect with a friend here, but this person doesn't seem to be here anymore. Gonna lurk for a few days to see if I get a reply.
I’m feeling severe anxiety over many things in my life, it’s 4am and I have been up for 2 hours. I feel depressed and hopeless, scared to get help. I feel ashamed in my shortcomings and wish I was a better person for my family. I wish I had someone to confide in, I desperately am reaching out. I don’t feel good about myself right now, and it’s making me physically uncomfortable. I don’t know how to get help or make this all stop.
Hyper. I took a muscle relaxer earlier to see if it would help my tension headache. Didn't seem to work. But boy did it make me tired but I couldn't sleep because I had coffee. That was hours ago and now Im feeling funky
Had a massive panic attack, unrelated to social anxiety. I was at sams club, playing a really cool game on their Legends Ultimate Arcade, the game I was playing was called Wizard fire, it was awesome! My wife was playing next to me and we were probably playing it for half an hour, felt like we were at an arcade
Anyway, we eventually decided to stop playing and wander around Sam's club to get some steps in, and I noticed halos around all of the lights and my right eye was incredibly blurry. Rubbing my eye did no good, and I started to lose it. My mind started to wander to everything that could have gone wrong, so I asked my wife to take me to CVS to get some eye drops, we left and my eye was not improving, it was pretty scary to say the least. On the way to CVS all of the lights cast from the cars, street lamps, etc, had halos around them, everything was super blurry. We got into CVS, and went to where the eyedrops are.. eye drops are really expensive, and we did not have enough money - thankfully there was another product meant to wash out irritated eyes, it is pretty cool it comes with a little cup you pour the liquid in, and you put it over your eye. So we grabbed it, and waited in line for what seemed like an eternity, until we bought it.
Finally, in the car I tore the thing open, and used it. Much to my relief it worked, I broke down because I was ultra panicked at the time - I thought it could have been a stroke, or who knows what. I was really terrified until I used the product and my eye sight was restored, even after that I was scared, I had no clue what happened and could not see anything that would have gotten in my eye. I had been thinking I would have to go to the ER, be left in the hospital alone again, possibly die, whatever. So yeah, it was scary.
I think what caused it, was wearing a mask that let the air up by the nose, it had dried out my eye and I hadn't noticed it since I was so caught up in playing that game for a while. I read a bit regarding masks, and the impact they may have on eyes and apparently I am not the first one to have had this happen, especially while staring at a screen. So, if any of you are reading this, please secure your mask correctly, don't let your breath run across your eyes as that can dry them out an cause the same thing to happen. I had no idea having a dry eye could cause all of those visual effects, but apparently they do, and people have been experiencing the same issue.
Anyway, here is the game, it was a lot of fun
Now I am semi relieved, but exhausted. Panic attacks suck.. Of course, it is going to be in the back of my mind tormenting me all night, but from a rational standpoint, it is pretty clear my eye just got dried out, and the liquid eye wash almost immediately fixed the issue.
Pissed that my boss wants me to drive on the busiest damn road to Walmart to get bloodwork done for my health insurance so I don't have to pay 30 percent more. I never drive that way for a reason. One, it's too far and two, there's too much traffic and I'm scared of getting in a wreck. What kind of **** is this? And not only that. No. I have to get up before 7 in the morning just to do this crap. I'm starting to think I'm better off without the damn insurance. Companies ar so terrible. Dont get why there are dumb people that make excuses for such companies. This is one of those times I will call people dumb...but I hate using that word for people who just simply don't know something. But in this case I will use the word dumb cause screw them for thinking companies are so great.