Just lost someone I'd considered a friend for about two years now. They had to leave and had no chance to say goodbye either. No way to contact them, I found out from someone else that they had left for good. It's hard to process. I feel some abandonment issues but not too bad but I think I'm freaking grieving which I just realized...I've just never grieved over such an unexpected loss. They tell you to remember the good times, but I'm not there yet.
You don't know what you have till it's gone is too true.
I've been feeling higher levels of depression ever since hackers started trying to communicate with me again.
My normal state is being a loner and being fine with it but lately I feel I need help or emotional support from other people.
Also it is worse because I'm up all night which is more depressing than being up during the day when there are people and distractions. I've been having circadian rhythm issues for years that can back months ago. Some kind of residual brain damage left over from what ever was going on with me from 4/5 years ago.
Feeling much better today. Wasn't sure how long it would take me to work through the grief. I was actually a little concerned at one point as it brought up things from my past but it was an opportunity to work on those as well. Took a couple of days but I think I've finally reached acceptance, even if it hurts a little still to think of it I don't feel weighed down by it and am able to enjoy things again.
Crappy I had a bad dream last night that maybe reflects my mental state. Then stuff today is making me emo too. Also someone stole money out of my wallet again. I missed meals today so I went to go buy food. When I went to the cashier I have no money in my wallet.
I feel like I'm getting fear of sleep again while I can't really sleep either way.
I feel like I need to call my wife. (as usual) A bit elevated, almost a physical sensation in my chest and inside my head. Yesterday when I talked to her she could tell and just said I think you need to calm down mister.
I should probably go for a walk and try to avoid engaging in conversation with anyone because it will just get me more worked up.
I don't want to go to Houghton to attend a meeting today. Stupid construction on the lift bridge and it lifting to let the stupid idiot sailboats through backing up traffic for miles. I will have to leave at 1 pm to make sure I am there at 3 pm because last time it took me two hours to get across. I wish they would build a span bridge across the waterway.
Bored and lackluster. Not feeling my work at all today. I’d rather be swamped with work than caught up. Days with little work coming in that I have to drag out for the whole day go on and on. This week has been like that. Plus, our string of crappy summer weather continues. And the constant “doom and gloom” (seemingly everywhere) has returned in full force.