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Hi,

I've visited this site in the last couple months kind of looking at what others had to say; all of it sounds too familiar. Just something I've struggled with almost my entire life. I don't know if hearing other's accounts of suffering/getting better helps me feel better or less alone, or even makes me feel bad about re-awakening into the realization that my problem really is that bad (after all I'm trying to build my self-esteem and remain positive.) I'm just trying to get better hope this approach works better than everything else I've tried.

I've been socially anxious as long as I can remember, I was always a shy kid, I never thought it was a bad thing much to be who I was. But as I got older it became more and more of a problem as I was forced to go out more and more and making friends became more and more a necessity in life. As I became an adult I really just avoided doing a lot of things on my own, a habit I'm still stuck doing.

I don't really have any close friends, I have a cousin I try to spend a lot of time with but to be honest we are really all that much in common, my other friends are more acquaintances which i rarely keep in touch with. I don't find myself to have a lot of interests, I'm very interested in video games, but sometimes wonder if that's partially a result of my own anxiety keeping me home, and having to find ways to enjoy my time alone. I would guess I like to do a lot more things that my anxiety prevents me from doing or even enjoying if I did happen to do them.

High school for me was hell, I tried to stay low key to prevent being noticed I tried to stay close to my cousin who was popular, so I wouldn't be singled out as a loser or uncool. Couldn't talk to girls, even when I got the impression they liked me; this really tore me up. All the social pressure was just overwhelming I almost dropped out, and luckily went to an alternative school to finish high school my senior year.

College I can say I was just too depressed, I didn't care much - my main goal was just getting through the day most days. After the first semester I took a break, but never went back.

I've been in cognitive therapy on and off since i was 14, been though most all anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds out there, and still seem to be stuck unable to get past my fears into the life I want to have. I still live at home, I work a modest job for low income, never had a girlfriend; too scared to date, even though several people I know say I'm attractive.

It seems like anymore I'm just drifting through life, waiting for someone to help me, paralyzed by my fears. I'm stuck in my avoidance routine. Hoping to get lucky, hoping my good heart and spirit will somehow grant me what I want out of life. But I know all too well that this isn't likely to happen.
 

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Hey strugglingforhope welcome. :)
 

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Welcome, StrugglingForHope! :)
 

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Hi strugglingforhope, welcome to SAS!

High school for me was hell, I tried to stay low key to prevent being noticed I tried to stay close to my cousin who was popular, so I wouldn't be singled out as a loser or uncool. Couldn't talk to girls, even when I got the impression they liked me; this really tore me up. All the social pressure was just overwhelming I almost dropped out, and luckily went to an alternative school to finish high school my senior year.
Seems almost exactly like my high school experience. I also finished in an alternative school during my senior year. The cousin part would be the biggest difference.
 

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:wel
 
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