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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there~ I'm new here, nice to meet you n_n I just registered today b/c I felt like I just needed to share, lol. I've had selective mutism since kindergarten, and having parents both bitterly ashamed (they're Asian and never fail to remind me that I've brought shame upon the family :p) and excessively overprotective of me leaves me a very socially defunct 18-year-old. I also feel like throwing up and running away whenever a guy (young or old) speaks to me b/c a lot of them, from every grade, every year, almost every day, pretty much tortured me throughout middle school and high school and since then I've come to view the male gender in a very dark way. xD

I feel horribly awkward and self-conscious in public all the time and look down so I don't have to make eye contact. Whenever someone speaks to me, it's like I'm dying inside and I'm just gaping at them like a dead fish while I try to think of something to say and they try to puzzle out what's wrong with me. I never speak at the right times, fail to say thanks/goodbyes/hellos/etc. which bothers me the most, since it just seems so basic and natural for everyone else. I'm trying to find some therapy for myself so I can graduate college and get a job (at this point it's nervewracking to even go outside, so the prospect of asking a fast food joint or a convenience store for an application is nearly impossible) but it's nice to know that there are other people who are like me, who have become financially independent and relatively more sociable after overcoming their SA, or are at least trying to. I really want to break down the "barrier" that SM has created but it's like I'm just drifting along, trying to throw a few punches at it every now and then but I never make a single crack. :/ Thank you for listening, at any rate. :) Forums like these are an absolute godsend.
 

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welcome to the forum :)
 

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Hey Nesa welcome. :hyper
 

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Sea Angel
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Hiya, Nesa :3 Welcome to the forum!

I was beaten and harassed all throughout school from a young age too, it can be really hard and emotional and socially damaging to endure that, and it does take a long time to build up trust and connections with people again... but it sounds like you're working actively towards that by seeking support here and considerring therapy.. That's very brave, motivated, and respectable of you! =) I'm sorry your parents don't appreciate that yet... A parent's negative opinion can be especially crushing, but try your best to not let it affect you right now. Everyone has different ways of communicating, and just because you aren't as skilled at communicating through talking, doesn't mean you're not good at communicating other ways, like through writing on the internet! Just because you haven't had the oppertunity to practice many verbal communication skills yet doesn't make you a lesser person; I'm sure your parents are just worried about you and don't know how else to convey that..

As for jobs... restaurants and stores would be very, very hard to tackle as a first job for someone with social anxiety and mutism (however not impossible!)... Maybe it'd be easier to start with something like cleaning, being a mail sorter, or working in a factory conveyer line setting? Those are all entry-level jobs that involve little-to-no daily socialization, and are usually employed through an employment agency so you don't even need to apply to them directly.

Have you had any luck finding a therapist or support group locally to tackle the anxiety and mutism? I'm sure someone on this board would be able to recommend some..

Good luck, and don't give up..! :squeeze I hope you find the support and friendship you need here!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for the welcomes; you are all so kind, lol. :) I hope to be able to make some friends here, although tbh I'm feeling a bit intimidated even on an SA forum. xD I'm currently working through a CBT book and the audio tapes, and I feel really good about it and excited to have at least begun something. I'm going to search the forums for some therapists/treatments in Maryland as I have no idea where else to start; I just moved into Baltimore very recently and haven't a clue how to look for support groups. I guess I have some extensive googling to do. :p

I like the idea of an employment agency. That definitely makes the idea of getting a job more approachable and far less hopeless. I'm going to look into that as well so I don't feel so useless. Getting a job no matter how mundane or little the pay would help me enormously. & Thank you so much for your words, clione. I will not forget them. :)
 

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Welcome, Nesa! :)
 
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