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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My name is Alicia and I'm a 31-year-old girl. I say girl because I feel more like 15-year-old. I've had depression/anxiety issues since about high school onward, but it was only last year I got the official diagnosis of severe depression and severe social anxiety.

My life story is long and complicated, so I'll share that another time in the appropriate section.
 

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Welcome to SAS.

I share your feelings about growing up and becoming an adult. My latest and greatest fear is becoming stuck in my current mindset. I hope you find support and help here.

Good luck.
 

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Welcome, SparklePlenty82! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the welcome. :D

I guess I'll post a bit more about myself here.

As I said in first post, I'm 31 years old. As far back as I can remember, I've had fears of growing up. I've always been painfully shy, and my father served in the military, so I had to move several times (7 to be exact).

I never seemed to have trouble making friends growing up, but because my parents and I were moving every 4-5 years, the friendships never lasted long.

I did meet someone online when I was around 15/16, and thought they'd be my best friend for the rest of my life. But that relationship turned into a nightmare (I posted in the Friendships section), and after 15 years of friendship, I was abandoned at the worst time of my life. That wound is just short of being 3 months old.

As for my growing up fears, I was afraid to do anything that's expected of a "normal adult". At this point in my life, I've managed to get my driver's license, which I finished in my 20's. As for everything else, getting a job, going to college, dating, I've done none of it. I haven't even had a first date or a first kiss...

All these fears make me feel like a freak, and as I get older now into my thirties, I feel like it's too late for me to fix anything in my life. And what kind of sane guy would want to date a 31-year-old virgin, who hasn't had a first date or first kiss?

And now with the loss of my longest lasting friendship, and the things she's done to me, I don't know how I'll ever be able to open up and trust anyone again. Not to mention, I feel like I have the interests of a teenager (gaming, "fangirling" on twitter over tv shows and an actor I'd die to meet, reading young adult books).

The only good thing, is I have extremely loving and supporting parents. My psychiatrist has said we're probably to close, because I'm dependant on them. But growing up, they were the only two people who were always there. As horrible as it sounds, I've often said I hope I die before they do, because without them, I'd be lost.

So, that's my sad and rather pathetic story of my life.
 
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