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Social Failure

Sometimes I feel like my brain is stuck in the fifth dimension, far away from any human understanding. I make an attempt to talk to the people around me every now and then. We exchange a few words and they use their social skills they've learned through previous interactions. A skill I have yet to develop. No matter how many words are spoken there never seems to be any common ground between us. Perhaps I'm just putting on a facade in an attempt to appease the social demands of society, but instead of accomplishing any kind of connection I just isolate myself from the people around me. Or maybe, it is others who are hiding behind their own long built personas, or perhaps it is neither of these things. Maybe our brains are so astronomically different we lack the ability to communicate on anything deeper than an extrinsic level.

It is believed that people bring into existence an identity for themselves through the perceptions of others and the interpersonal interactions they learn within their society. The meanings people give things depend on the perspective they see them from, so the symbols in which these things pertain to have a completely different meaning to one person than they do another because each person has a perspective unique to their own experiences. For example: A couple has a boy around the age of 14 who has recently been in a situation where he has been bullied. After being called on to fight, the boy runs home and the kids bullying him follow. When the boy gets inside his father forces him to go out and fight the bully. The father was raised in an environment where he learned to deal with his problems using violence and aggression. In the fathers mind backing down from a fight is weak and he believes that by forcing his son to fight he is teaching his son how to be strong, how to be a man according to what a man should be in his perspective. The mother coming from a completely different realm of experience feels that her son did the right thing by walking away from the fight. In her point of view the passive act of walking away is not weak, but noble. The most substantial difference between the mother and the father would be that the mother experienced affection in her childhood, where the father did not.

When I think about my childhood experiences I realize how odd they are, compared to the childhood of my friends and peers. I was forced to mature at a very early age. All my siblings were older than me and I was subjected to many adult situations which I had not yet developed coping skills for. I eventually learned to deal with these situations, but would often sit in my room for hours, sometimes days just drawing in my sketchbook. My room was my only place of safety as a child. I was too young to just leave the house and go see a friend. I spent most of my time alone and as you can imagine, this probably has something to with the lack of development in my social skills. Maybe my personal experiences are so different from the experiences of others my age that our perspectives are no longer even comparable, or maybe I've grown too mature to relate to my peers. I try my hardest to always stick to my inner personality and hope that I meet people who like me for me however odd I may be. The relationships I do have with family and friends are unbelievably close.

I try not to make a persona for myself, however, I think other make one for me. Anytime someone talks to me I can't seem to articulate anything at all, my throat closes up and practically suffocates me. Often people don't understand why I never answer sincerely or why I don't answer at all. People think I'm a pretentious snot who's to good to talk to anyone, but don't realize that my face is actually turning purple because I'm choking on my own words. To pinpoint exactly what my problem is I don't know. I'm experiencing a detachment from the majority of people around me. Maybe I do create a persona for myself. Maybe others make one for me. Maybe I just can't get past the personas of others. Or maybe were just to different to relate to one another. Maybe it's all of these things. Or maybe it's none. I'm not really sure, but life is just a bunch of maybes. Does anyone really know whats for sure? Do I show all the symptoms of a complete social failure or are these all just cases of miscommunication?
 

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Hey, and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry about the situation you're in with your boyfriend/ex. It can be hard when there's no one you feel comfortable enough to talk to.
I hope you can find some comfort in this forum. Everyone on here is really helpful.

Good luck finding your answers :)
 

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Hey FarAwayEyes :wel
 

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Welcome, FarAwayEyes! :)
 

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:wel
 

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Hello and welcome. It's good that you came here. Take the time to browse and post, the people here are very friendly and have a lot to share. Be strong! I know there are plenty of better people for you to meet out there!
 
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