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Hi,

I've stumbled across this forum a few times now... and finally decided to join.
Hopefully I can find some peace of mind here.

A little about me... I'm 22 and-

I have had many friends when i was younger since Elementary. After that, everything seemed to spiral downhill. I used to contemplate the idea of suicide daily... i attempted it twice through pills as I felt things weren't working out at home or school. After counseling, they consulted my parents and removed them from the entire house.... so that was that.

I felt after highschool i made a breakthrough- but was sadly mistaken. I have no friends (not even 1), and am surrounded by family members direct&indirect that tell me i'm a complete failure; with several examples. Right now- I feel stagnant- and am studying online to continue pursuing a career.

I find jokes hard to laugh at... Most of the time i don't get them. And when i don't get them- and people explain it... it's still not funny. And i can't bring myself to fake laugh everytime anyone says a joke that doesn't seem funny.

I just want to be surrounded by people to call friends with again- and sometimes i find that, once i've experienced it- it hits harder when i've lost it... (friends/people).

I find that I can put up a cheery attitude around others when i used to go to college/hobbies- but when i thought i'd make potential friends, they'd always eventually end up asking:

"so who do you hang with?" or some kind of question that would bring up why i never would bring anyone else to hang out with. It would always spiral down to "no friends?"... and once my honesty was implied... i'd find then slowly distancing themselves away to the point of no contact.

It's my birthday in 1 more day + 2 hours. My grandmother who passed away gets more "happy birthdays than i do" (her birthday is today). And it's happened every year. My last birthday- i sang myself happy birthday- and ended up crying because it felt pretty lame.

I will not be expecting any presents as I don't receive any... Suprisingly my sister gave me one this evening; and was shocked at how unexcited i was. I guess after not receiving things for so long... you start to just.. not care. (though i DO).

Anyways,

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
 

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Welcome, MissMayBey! :)
 

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Hey MissMayBey welcome. :hyper
 
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