Hi I am a Snowshield a new member. I found this site while exploring on internet looking for something about love and being love. I see that to be loved by others is a need since infant. My childhood was abusive. I wasn't loved, there was no one that I could run and cry but every one look for something to blame and shame on me. Whatever I did was never good enough. I couldn't talk about it with my friends because I was taught that family matters shouldn't be talked out side the family. I didn't grew up with my parents. All the troubles have been over now but I am still suffering with relationship problems. I can't make good friends. I can't build long lasting happy relationship. I feel lonely all the time. the sadness rooted deep inside me. I know i can't go back to childhood and make changes anymore but still want to experience a happy childhood because I didn't what happiness felt like. the men in my relationships felt that I am too demanding and they said they can't give enough what I want (this is not about sexual). So they gave up on me. From deep inside, I am always looking for someone I can safely attach to. That's my need. some ask me to love myself first. I don't know how to do that. I don't really even know how healthy love or relationship feels like. I think I try to fulfill my need that is to look for some one i can be safely attach to. I think that is because i love myself and fulfilling my need. Isn't it?