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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everybody - I've been lurking for 2 or 3 years actually and decided to stop by and say hi.

About me - 24, male, New York

Let me come clean - I really don't think I have SA. I've been depressed for about 7 years or so, which has made me an unmotivated, drinking alone, sleeping til the afternoon, unemployed loser. This in turn has made afraid to go out with friends. So even though I believe depression is my root cause - the result is social anxiety if you get my drift? I've been on depression forums and they just... make me depressed. You guys seem a lot more pragmatic.

I was sunny as a child. We moved half way across the country when I was 9, which is really when I think the happiness came to a screeching halt. I got fat and spent a lot of time on nerdy **** (dungeons & dragons) with my brother because we didn't really fit in. When I started to sexually mature I realized I needed to do something so when I was 13 I went on an intense diet and exercised til I lost 80 lbs. Now suddenly out of nowhere all these people that had made fun of me and made my life suck were flirting with me or trying to hang out with me. This kinda pissed me off but I forgot about when I started having sex and smoking weed.

End of high school - hot girlfriend, honors society, lots of friends, intellectual respect of the smartest kids, going out and partying on weekends - my life was pretty damn good senior year. I COULD have got into one of the top 20% or maybe 15% of schools in USA but decided to go to state school so I could get easy A's, get laid, and drink with the bros. BIG MISTAKE. I thought I could suppress my pot smoking hippie liberal head banger death metal persona and just be a normal dude - wear the collegiate attire on sunday, get drunk, watch the game, chill with some girls. But these state school alpha male lyric spitting **** wads saw right through and chewed me up. No family, no friends. I always controlled my drinking but when I started drinking alone I no longer had to - started becoming alcoholic. Get through 2 years of school missing a lot of class/throwing up before class with mediocre grades and just give up.

Fast forward 4 years - I live in my parent's basement. I've developed a beer gut and psuedo-acne due cause I don't shave enough. When I was 21 years old I used to get told I look 16 in bars. Now I'm 24 and people say I look 30. I have a hand full of lingering friends but they're really just drinking/smoking buddies who I didn't even like in the first place. I don't really see females my age ever unless it's someone's girlfriend. Occasionally some girls reach out to me - but I'm far too embarrassed to even reply. These sexy women once fawned over me in high school expected me to be in grad school at an ivy league... Now I'm a fat, unemployed, alcoholic in my parent's basement.

I used to be suicidal when I was 16 or 18 or whatever - even was I was good looking, employed, and never drank. I've since resolved to stick it out and die of natural causes and my depression has improved.... However, being such a loser is getting down on me and making me suffer through social anxiety like all you folks.

I used to be ready to conquer the world. Now I just feel conquered.
 

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Welcome, MJC400! :)
 

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I can relate, as I didn't get SA until my second year of college, when I had almost completely isolated myself.

What a story... It's interesting to know that some people here once lived amazing and inspiring lives before things took a turn for the worst. I'm sorry to hear what's happened, but I hope things turn around for you.

Welcome to SAS too. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I can relate, as I didn't get SA until my second year of college, when I had almost completely isolated myself.

What a story... It's interesting to know that some people here once lived amazing and inspiring lives before things took a turn for the worst. I'm sorry to hear what's happened, but I hope things turn around for you.

Welcome to SAS too. :)
Thank you for the empathy... Now that you mention it it's kinda crazy how my life used to be.... Acting in a play, playing a violin solo in front of people, kissing a girl in a rain storm... I feel like a hazy eyed drunken old man even though I'm in my 20's :blank Waking up tomorrow doesn't even seem like it will be in the same lifetime
 

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Hey mjc400 welcome. :hyper
 
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