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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not exactly sure where to start since I've never done this, but I'm Kashena and I'm 23 years old. I don't know if I would say that I'm completely SA...I have a very close-knit group of friends and a pretty active social life. I think my anxieties come more from worrying about losing what I have.

I have always been very shy and socially awkward. It takes a while for me to warm up to people and feel comfortable enought to be myself. At times I feel like I shouldn't even let myself open up because when I finally do, that's when my problems start. It's really hard to explain, but here goes: I guess I get clingy, but I try not to show it. I get upset/feel left out very easily. My biggest fear is that I won't get called to go out on Saturday night or that they will decide they don't like me anymore/want me around. I'm so afraid of being out of the loop or missing out of something big that happens on any given night. I live in a different town than most of my friends, and am the only one with a "real" job that doesn't involve working for family and geting away with murder on the job with no consequences. So, I can't hang out as much during the week like they do. By Wednesday, after having what seems like no human contact, it feels like I am losing my mind! I get over-emotional, nervous, angry, etc.

I have recently come to the conclusion that family issues are what has brought this on. I have never had a relationship with my biological father...I've never even met the man. He didn't want to be a part of my life. I've also never been close with my dad (ex stepdad, actually), especially after my mom and him divorced. I just feel like if my own father didn't want to be a part of my life, why should anyone else? It doesn't matter how many times a person can tell me they love me, or that I'm important etc., I won't believe it.

I've never been in a romantic relationship, or even anything close because I'm scared. I wish I got more male attention, but I know if I did that I would run in the opposite direction. The only time I feel remotely ok about myself is when I am out partying and drinking with my friends, but only at the gay bars because I know that I don't have to worry about being upset if I get no attention because no one there besides my friends should be paying me any attention anyway.

I doubt this will make sense to anyone else because, in all honesty, I confuse the hell out of myself. I hardly ever discuss any of this with anyone. I'm just hoping that I can learn something and maybe cope with all of my issues. If you want to talk, just send me a message. I don't normally message others first...I always feel like I'm being a bother...:blush
 

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Hey Kashena, welcome to :sas
 

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Welcome, I'm still new too.

You certainly seem much more social than I ever was, but I usually get the impression that it is easier for women to get accepted into a group (I may be wrong). So when it concerns your friends, you don't seem to have much social anxiety towards them, even though you said you were "clingy". I personally know how difficult it could be to trust someone, especially if you've been through something traumatic in your life. I hope you can sort out your situation and get yourself to where you want to be.

Thanks for sharing. :)
 

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Hi ShEeNa :wel

I relate with much of what you said.

It takes a while for me to warm up to people and feel comfortable enough to be myself.
I have never had a relationship with my biological father.
I did meet mine 3x totaling about an hour altogether though when I was young.
He seemed very disappointed.
Never close to stepfather. (Unless you count the back of his hand as being close)
I wish I got more (fe)male attention, but I know if I did that I would run in the opposite direction.
The 2x as an adult I did ... I did. :tiptoe

But you're getting a early jump & with all the resources now. You can do it.

again welcome
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Welcome, I'm still new too.

You certainly seem much more social than I ever was, but I usually get the impression that it is easier for women to get accepted into a group (I may be wrong). So when it concerns your friends, you don't seem to have much social anxiety towards them, even though you said you were "clingy". I personally know how difficult it could be to trust someone, especially if you've been through something traumatic in your life. I hope you can sort out your situation and get yourself to where you want to be.

Thanks for sharing. :)
Well, from my experience, I think it is harder for a woman to be accepted into a group. I met my group of friends about a year ago, and it took months and months to finally feel accepted and comfortable around them because they are a very small, very close group. They are made up of men and women, and they are all very hard on new people they meet. It is often said that they are very unapproachable and intimidating. They will tell you themselves that it is very diffcult to get in with them. After I had started to get close to them, they confessed that because of one person talking about me and making up lies, that they really didn't like me or want me around :( But after hanging out with me more and giving me a chance, they knew what was said wasn't true. So, I definitely had a lot of SA around them in the beginning, and still do at times, but I can definitely say that they are the best friends that I've ever had. It took a lot of work, but I can atleast talk to them, one in particular, about what's going on with me.

Thanks everyone for the sweet words! I look forward to talking with everyone and learning from you! :thanks
 

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Welcome, Sheena! :)
 
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