Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone

I'm 30 and I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember and depression since high school. I believe anxiety has led to the depression, it makes it difficult to enjoy life when you're constantly in a state of panic and worry. Several years ago I went to the Dr. and he gave me Celexa but it made me impulsive, angry, and suicidal. I'm afraid to try any medications, I've found trying to distract myself with hobbies or work help but can be difficult when interest is lost. Still think about suicide a lot, it had a strange appeal but I always tell myself I can do that later if things don't work out.

Has anyone been afraid to move out of their parents house? Did you move out and how did it go, did you feel better or worse on your own?

I live at home mostly out of fear of failure and the stress of moving out, I'm terrified I'll move out then lose my job, get foreclosed on, end up homeless, and have to battle other homeless for the contents of trash cans. I don't see myself living in an apartment because it doesn't feel safe knowing the landlord could tell me to get out anytime and I really enjoy gardening, it's the one thing that can really take my mind off things, so I want some sort of yard.

Just preparing to make a phone call causes heart palpitations and sweating, the whole buying a place process and then dealing with all the unknowns might be too much, I'm not sure.

The good news is that I've worked for the same company for 10 years and have money saved up because I don't enjoy life so I just stay home puddering around on nights and weekends. I'm constantly afraid I'll get fired and if I make a mistake at work I berate myself so much. I'm trying to use CBT to change my thought processes so I'm not so hard on myself. My anxiety at work is mostly under control except for meetings where people put my on the spot to explain why something.

I would just stay home forever but living with my mother has become unbearable. I do nothing but help out clearing the snow, mowing the lawn, fixing things, and paying 500 a month rent which I think is kind of a lot considering 1 bedrooms apartments rent for the same or slightly more around here. There was a big blow out this weekend with her barging into my room screaming and yelling about how I don't help out enough and I need to give her more money. It's not like I'm a mouthy attitude teenager, I'm an adult and try to keep quiet and respectful, but it's just never enough. She always wants more money and someone to use as occasional punching bag.

Afraid that if I move out my mother wont be able to manage this place on her own, it's too much house for one person and she hasn't worked in a long time, she gets SS disability for anxiety. I walk on egg shells to keep the peace but don't think I can stand it any longer, I'm about ready to end my life to get away but at the same time getting away also seems terrifying.

It's time to move on but I feel terrible leaving my mother by herself but I can't take the abuse anymore and I'm worried I'll fail on my own and have no place to go. Oh what to do.

Is anyone else in a similar situation of have you been? I'd like to know how you dealt with it and if things turned out alright in the end.

Thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,234 Posts
Welcome, LetMeOut83! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
I am in a situation similar to yours, im agoraphobic(due to social anxiety, but im getting better at going out) and i live with my dad and i cant take the lack of understanding he has for my condition, he just thinks i can get over it by just going out to crowded places, or going to church.(which i hate due to crowds... and im agnostic) Anyway i can totally relate to your situation.

btw Im Dylan and welcome to sas
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
177,223 Posts
Hey letmeout83 welcome. :hyper
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
80 Posts
LEAVE !LEAVE!LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK 500 dollars a month is she kidding?When i lived at home as an adult i was paying 200 a month but i was put thru hell i left and so glad i did i feel much more free now i used to be like a caged bird living there .living on ur own is so much fun as long as u find a nice quiet place can i reccomend finding a roomate (a respectful quiet one good luck if you want to chat leave your phone number in my private box and we can talk i was in your shoes once and glad i left!
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top