Hi Matt. Im Nicole. I live in SC now but I lived in Ohio in Columbus for a little less than a year in 05-06. I actually really loved it there but Im not from there so Im sure that helped. I too live at home with my parents and Im 31 so at least you're not my age yet in the same boat. My mom died in 2005 and it was shortly after that when I moved to Ohio, I didnt know a soul there but just felt like I was supposed to move there so I did, the single craziest thing I've done in my life. My entire family was against it. I tried to go to college there and did for a semester and a half but then ALL this depression, un-resolved grief, and anxiety came flooding in and I found myself missing classes more and more until I basically wasnt leaving my apartment at all and stayed in bed all day. A professor ended up calling my Dad in SC to come get me b/c she was so worried about not seeing me in class or on campus and me not answering the phone or my door when friends would try to come check on me. I avoided everyone and have been in and out of that frame of mind since then. I had always had "issues" so to speak but nothing anyone knew about, I was able to hide it and talk myself out of it being a big deal. I was the captain of the cheer leading team in high school, ran a health club in my early 20's and have had many other jobs but all of them involving the public and sales b/c I was always great with people and was always very social, talked to everyone, public speaking wasnt even a problem for me but it's like I have turned into a person I dont come close to recognizing anymore and neither do any of the people who have known me all my life or people who met me while I was not like I am now. Im the COMPLETE opposite now and its in this state that I can sympathize with you. I feel like the last 6 years of my life has been wasted. Ive had to move in and out of my parents house and cant keep a job for the life of me. I have closed myself off to anyone not in my house living with me and even then I stay in my room all the time emerging only to go to the kitchen and bathroom. I stay inside for weeks at a time and I hate it. I'm a joke to my old friends Im sure and no one understands what the H*ll is going on with me, not even and especially me. SO, if you need someone to talk to please feel free to Pm me, lol, not that Id be much HELP obviously but I can at least relate to some things. I am VERY new here, like minutes new so Im still figuring out how things work. I too found it when i was googling info. on medications. Although I have to admit as much as it sucks that so many ppl are in the same place I am or close to it, it is kind of cool to be able to see that Im not the total freak I believed myself to be...well maybe, lol.
I could be wrong Im sure, Im not a doctor but from what I DO know Paxil (Paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat) which is used to treat panic disorder, OCD, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD has a starting usual dose 25 mg per day; may be increased to 40 mg per day. Controlled release dose maximum 50 mg per day. If you have had social anxiety issues all your life and from what you have described it would stand to reason that you would probably need to be on something a little stronger than Paxil. Paxil is what they started me out on in 2005, it's a drug most GP's feel safe starting with but you are seeing a Psychiatrist right? (wait i see you said you couldnt, for many reasons) Well, honestly someone who specializes in psychiatric medications is what you need. It doesn't "sound" like this is just something you can "get over" and it seems to be ruling a lot of your life and the quality of it. Medication and therapy are ways that this can be changed and without one or both of those, I'm just being honest, It's not going to change more than likely outside of a miracle. PM me and let's talk. I know of some things available in Ohio. Besides, they've tried more medications on me than I can even remember and I'm no expert at all but I have tried MANY so if you want to know about them and the effects they had (although EVERYONE is different) I would be happy to share that with you, just let me know. And Good luck Matt! (sorry I typed so much, my bad)
