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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I'm 28 and have recently discovered that I suffered from SA and GAD all my life.
There has been times when I was completely cured from my anxiety. The first time was when I was 17, I went on holidays with my family to a touristy country side cottage and ended up having a blast! when I got back home everyone saw how different I was, and I made tons of new friends, people who hated me in school suddenly started to like me, I turned out to be really good at sport and life was a breeze. That lasted for about 6 months until I returned to my old self.
In between then and until last year, I had always been bullied, harassed, yelled at, isolated, humiliated, I just thought everyone was an ******* and they had their own agendas as to why they hated me so much. I got extremely nervous around groups of people, I never knew what to say in social gatherings, and if I said something I would be bullied and made fun of, I was always the idiot among my friends. I never thought that it could be me that had problems.
Fast forward to 2012, I figured I was approaching my 30's pretty quick and my hopes of living in the suburbs with a happy wife and kids were rapidly fading if I didn't improve myself (although I had had a few GFs to that point). I tried everything until I came by a guy called Eckhart Tolle, and I read all his books about meditation. Long story short, I started meditating everyday for about 20-30 minutes around September 2012, the changes were slow, they were not instant but I could notice something changing in me so I kept at it. By December 2012 my anxiety was completely gone, so much so that I became liked by everyone, I actually became the leader of my social group and I found a very pretty GF around February 2013, that's when I stopped meditating and everything slowly went downhill from there. After a while of not meditating, I realised I was much more 'jumpy' and more reactive to what people said, not calm, I subconsciously sought approval from people, I had lost my wittiness, friends that I had started to hate me, my thoughts became slow, scrambled, random and negative, and over thought things, I stumbled on my words when talking, and my hands had a constant mild tremor, I avoided social gatherings, among many other symptoms of SA. I had become my old self again.
So I want to go back to how I was, I don't know how, when or what, but I'm finding it hard to find the motivation to meditate (which should be the first step) since the gains are slow and can take couple months to manifest, but hoping I can "jump start it" and be my real self again and maybe meet new people along the way. :)
 

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John.Senju
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hey i am new as well, i just joined today. i read you story and just wanted to ask what do you think is the source of all you problems?? because ones you figure that out i think you will get your old self back. because you see what caused my social anxiety and depression was porn addiction and when i figured that out i stopped watching porn and everything suddenly got better but whenever i go back to watching it again the anxieties and depressions come back so yeah figure out what is causing your anxieties first and then maybe you will find a way to get yourself back to the way you were. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
hi Johnny, you make a good point, I use to be addicted to porn when I was younger and that made things worse, luckily these days I rarely stumble upon porn. I think for me it's a number of things including isolation, I stay in a lot, my sleeping pattern is out of whack and that I also have mild seasonal depression - my SA is much worse in winter. I'm sure there are other things that I haven't pin pointed yet, but I'm getting there :)
 

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Welcome, JumpStartIt! :)
 
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