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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone, I'm new here and have been dealing with this for awhile and it hasn't gotten better so I figured I should finally talk about it or get some help. I apologize for the length but I'm just really frustrated right now and need to vent.

I never really noticed myself being socially anxious til some time in high school. I was never really that outgoing but I was always fairly popular and didn't feel nervous in social situations or anything (I was even nominated for prom king). I guess the first time I really noticed that I probably needed help was in senior year. I had met this girl while at work over the summer and wished I had gotten her number and felt like I blew it. I found out when school started that she went to my school and was thrilled. I was a guidance aide and would deliver passes to her class all the time and she'd smile at me and make eye contact. We were both in Spanish club so I figured a good way to approach her would be to ask her when the next meeting was or something.

I kept mentally preparing myself to approach her, day after day, and I would walk past her at her locker and I could just never do it. Every day I would get home from school and beat myself up over not being able to even approach her. This continued for at least a couple months.

One day I saw she had posted a boyfriend application on her myspace, so I filled it out(lame, I know) and basically told her I had a crush on her etc. She messaged me back and said she would consider the application and we talked online a little bit.

Soon after that I was walking to the lunchroom and I walked in the door and saw that she was sitting next to my seat where I normally sat with my friends. I pretty much had a panic attack and did a 180 and went and got a drink of water to take deep breaths. When I got back she had moved because my friends had come and sat there. I don't even know what I would have said to her. The fear of having my friends (most of whom I wasn't very close with, and I hadn't told any of them that I liked this girl) find out that I liked her/did a boyfriend application on myspace was horrible.

I did eventually walk up to her at her locker one morning when it was just me and her in the hall and it was unavoidable. I was completely inarticulate and stammering over my words and couldn't make eye contact or anything. There were a couple times when I'd be walking the halls before school started with a friend, and she would walk up alongside me to talk and I had to completely ignore her because I literally couldn't speak and was consumed with anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I was able to talk to her more than a few times, but I felt like I was never fully myself and I was always a bundle of nerves.

I'm not like this with every social situation, nor with every girl I meet. I'd say about 98% of my social interactions are completely normal. I am not really sure what triggers it. There are sometimes where I will avoid having a conversation with a person altogether simply because I am scared of it, but other times I will go up to them and be chatty and feel no anxiety whatsoever.

What triggered me posting this right now was a case of social anxiety I just felt today.

I am an architecture major and have studio 5 days a week from 1-5, but I pretty much spent all my time there, sometimes as much as 100 hours or more a week doing work. As such, I got to know the girl next to me fairly well. She is really attractive and has a great personality, but the fact that we had to spend so much time together plus a few other things (like the fact that she said she didn't want to date anybody right now) made me realize there was no point in pursuing anything with her.

So long story short, I had texted her a few times this summer about various things. We both smoke and she wanted me to get some weed for her. I texted her last saturday asking if she wanted to pick up her weed and smoke that night, and she said saturday wasn't good and that tomorrow would work better. She said she would call me on sunday. She never called, which wasn't a big deal to me. She finally texted me on wednesday and apologized for being a deadbeat and not calling me yet, and asked when would be a good time to pick it up. I was kind of starting to resent her for blowing me off at this point (she had also not answered some of my texts previously and given lame excuses) but I decided to suck it up, and I told her I got off at 5 and would give her a call. I called, and texted, no response. So FINALLY today she said she would come pick it up and I gave her a time. She pulled up to my house and I got in her car.

I felt slightly nervous because I didn't want my parents to see me giving her drugs, but none of the old social anxiety that I hadn't TRULY felt in a couple of years. Once I got in the car and had said a few words though, it felt like my high school experience all over again. I was terribly anxious, I was at least able to talk but hardly anything I said made any sense and I struggled to make eye contact or do anything resembling a conversation, and I felt panicky. My voice was practically trembling. There were SO many things I could have talked about with her, instead I just stammered.

Her: "So how's your summer been so far, doing anything interesting?"
Me: "It's uh, actually been kinda boring...."<<<my voice trailed off to barely audible there and I just went mute for like 5 seconds.

I don't understand! I sat next to this girl almost every day and talked with her very often. I have been alone with her a few times before outside of studio and while I felt a little nervous it was completely normal and I was still able to be myself and joke and carry conversation. Why does this happen to me and why can't I control it?!?! I turned completely incompetent and I cant figure out why.


For anybody that read this far, thanks a lot. There are a lot of other incidents that I need to talk about but I figured this was long enough. I doubt many people are going to read it but just typing this out for somebody to read is a big help for me.
 

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Hey shoefly72 :wel
 

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Welcome, Shoefly72! :)
 

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:wel
 

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Hi shoefly72 :wel

I read it. Actually let computer read longer ones like this to me.
That last girl doesn't sound very considerate & personally I don't think I'd deal with her away from school anymore. I know that doesn't help with the problem. I hope you can find help here on that. I'm curious about the 1st. I'm guessing that did not pan out either do to this issue. I can totally relate . I have the same problem. Sometimes I can function without reserve but more often than not. Especially around women I find attractive that are available I get nervous & run in my head through everything I might say or do & how it could come off lame or wrong.(Or at least her choosing to view it as lame or wrong) Best of luck though. Look forward to hearing of your success over coming this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi shoefly72 :wel

I read it. Actually let computer read longer ones like this to me.
That last girl doesn't sound very considerate & personally I don't think I'd deal with her away from school anymore. I know that doesn't help with the problem. I hope you can find help here on that. I'm curious about the 1st. I'm guessing that did not pan out either do to this issue. I can totally relate . I have the same problem. Sometimes I can function without reserve but more often than not. Especially around women I find attractive that are available I get nervous & run in my head through everything I might say or do & how it could come off lame or wrong.(Or at least her choosing to view it as lame or wrong) Best of luck though. Look forward to hearing of your success over coming this.
Yea this girl sort of alternates between being very considerate and nice (lots of things she's done in the past) and being totally inconsiderate and blowing off.

The first girl, I ended up just telling her that I really liked her and wished I could have gotten to know her better (on aim of course, would never be able to say something like that in person haha) and she was like awww that's sweet and gave me her number and said we should hang out.

I called/texted multiple times, no response. I think I left her a message eventually, still no response for about a week. Then she texts me and says "So sorry I didn't get your calls/texts, I was on vacation and didn't have my phone. When can we hang out?"

After phone tag for a couple weeks, she just flat out doesn't return my calls. Then I went to college and never saw her again.
 
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