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Hello everyone, I originally posted this in the Frustration category but I felt it probably fit better here. I want to cope with my situation. Im not entirely sure if I have SA but sometimes I feel nervous to even be near people. I often question my friendships due to past transgressions. I'll admit that I'm spoiled, hate that my parents do so much for me.

My prior post:
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Been having issues crying, I lack the release and I only feel i when I'm outside, nervous people will see.

Been having roommate problems,

Trying to find my own flaws and what to believe in.

My fault:*
- too open and giving (they eat my food and complain when I brought a fridge for everyone to use, claimed they never wanted it despite me bringing it up prior. Now its an excuse to eat my food I place in there)
- refusal to drink nor do pot. My depression has caused darker thoughts(im accepting how depressed I am)
- acted angry when I was depressed.
-bought them gifts for christmas when we were on better terms.
- cant lighten up because of my depression, nobody realizes I dont see the point in living anymore. I feel constantly erratic and on edge.*

Their fault:*

- abuse my kind usual nature
- play pranks on me and my roommate showed me his **** as a "joke" wtf!!!!!! My dad said it was supposed to be funny but it was random and werid, like five year old werid)
- exclude me from my own ideas (Went to six flags when I constantly brought it up, I never used my season pass due to never having friends)
- make fun of me at my own expense.*
- smoke weed and get piss *** drunk.
- never help me clean up the common room (like who the **** else is going to do it????)*
- never see my point of view or help me find inner peace. I dont want to feel this way anymore. Its been my whole life.

Girls dont want to hang out, is it me??? ...... little to no romantic or social interaction. I've been talking to a successful friend and just tells me romance comes in randomly, it will come to you.

I literally get a girl's number and she never texts back, why even say yes to giving me the number? Pity, some other unfathomable reason? Have never been in a relationship and I find it utterly frustrating. I talk to girls in class, talked to the girls below and down the hall. Nobody in my classes wants to communicate nor become friends or acquaintances. I just need a better social life so I could feel alright for once in my life. Tired of instability and anxiety. I just need to live my life and try to be happy

I tried to stay in contact with a work friend I found attractive (acting on old feelings for once). Sent her cutesy gifts and made her a custom calendar of my hometown (which she loves, while I hate, I live in a shore town in NJ) I admitted my feelings after getting tired of dragging it on. Had anxiety I needed to release, she responded coldly.

Regarding school, I thought about transferring but parents wont support me. Mom gets angry when I tell her I want to transfer. They believe that I will feel the same anywhere which I agree with. I miss my siblings terribly (who both have severe autism) even though Im only thirty minutes away.

Been wondering how this one guy sees me as a friend? I admitted my severe depression as a safety because I didn't want to be erratic when I'm down.

I have a roommate for next year. He asked me oddly, I was going to do the same. Met him in SAB and bonded over common interests. He's a minority (black) which is viewed oddly on this campus. I never had a conception of differences between colours, I just think of races as people. I willingly opened up to him about my depression in order to make sure if he would be comfortable living with me. He told me he would be there for me and that it would never change his decision. Makes me cry alittle, Ive had few friends who'd look over that so admirably. His brother is autistic so I like to ask him about it.*

I'm on my last legs with other people and have tried everything. I try to be nice, gave away my spare thermal blanket to girls who were waiting for a damn ride to a party in 30 degree weather. I walked a girl to class with an umbrella when it rained out. I gave away money to charity every time. I compliment and comforted a girl when she was hurt emotionally. Is it because I'm too nice? Or am I deluding myself that I' nice?

Switching subjects. Ive joined DTD as a fraternity, joined Student Activities Board, Res life and have been keeping myself involved. Nothjng works and my life feels empty. Even though I have an awesome rommate for next year I still feel like I have no constant friends. I like a damn text once in awhile.

(NEGATIVITY APPROACHING)

On the subject of my neighbors. The damn girls never leave. I offer lunch, dinner or maybe just to hang out. I gave them v day chocolate. Tried to be nice every damn time. Be polite in their room. Give them some homemade food from my mom. Still get treated like Im an outcast. I ultimately stopped caring, I've tried my best.

(AM I JUSTIFIED in feeling this way?)

People never acknowledge my pressence anymore or opinions. Tired of nobody relating to my sense of humour or music (classic rock/indie rock/some pop) or having a deep conversation without acting like im a werido.


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Could anyone give me some helpful advice on how to deal with my issues? I want to be able to come out on top of this but my depression is getting the best of me. Ive forgotten how long Ive been like this.

Apologies for double posting, the other thread is dead and erased. Figured my situation would fit better here as previously stated.
 

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Your roommates sound like ****heads, welcome to the real world though. American college students are lacking in brain cells.
 

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I'll agree with JLupul, most American college students are lacking brain cells and maturity. Your room mates sound like major *******s. I'm going to try to give you some advice because I can relate to some things that you mentioned. First off, I would say that you should go see a doctor and try to find an antidepressant that will work for you, if you haven't done that already. I was always reluctant to go to a doctor, or tell anyone about my depression and anxiety until recently when I was just getting sick of it holding me back. I've been on an antidepressant for about 5 months now and it has improved things along the lines of me always feeling hopeless and like there's no point in me living. I have dropped college classes because of my depression and anxiety. I've tried a lot of things to deal with it. I'll applaud you for not getting wasted and smoking weed. If they can't respect your decisions, they should go f**k themselves. I was one of those people that drank alone every day when I turned 21 just to not be present in the world and try to drown out my depression and fears. The only thing that did was make things a whole lot worse for me. I'd end up passing out, not completing homework, not showing up for classes, and my depression and anxiety more than doubled. I hardly ever drink now, maybe a beer very rarely, but I actually can't stand alcohol anymore. Getting ****faced all the time does nothing but hinder you and make things worse, so does smoking pot. I tried to self medicate myself, I used opiates from the time I was 21 and I just recently quit after I got on my medication. Sure the opiates helped the depression and anxiety for a while, then tolerance starts to build and you have to take more and more. Drugs only make things worse in the long run, there's never a happy ending. Stopping all of the self medication I was doing and getting things out with my parents and doctor, along with my antidepressant has improved my life. I now can attend all of my classes and look forward to it. I no long feel the impending doom I once did, or have thoughts of how it would be like if I died or if anyone would even care. I didn't have to live with room mates. Thankfully I lived close enough to my college that I could just stay home and drive there every day. I also have a problem with sometimes being too nice to people. Don't ever let people take advantage of you. I know it may seem impossible but let them know that it's your food and they can go out and buy their own. Your room mates would severely piss me off. Start to gradually think positive and try to change your thoughts. Stopping anxiety can be as simple as changing your mental outlook. The majority of people often worry about how others see them as well. Just remember that there's nothing to fear. I have many problems with social anxiety and anxiety in general, but over the last few years I have forced myself into situations and doing things to concur the fears. I'm trying to change my mental outlook on things as well. Your room mates are very immature and eventually their lack of responsibility will catch up with them. No matter where you go, rather it be a college, or at work, you will always have dumbass people who you have to try to deal with, it never ends. As for the situation with the girls, I wouldn't worry about it too much or it'll just add more stress. I know that's kind of difficult to do. Don't always be the nice guy, it's great to be nice and sensitive around girls, but just don't be the guy that's too nice. I'm not saying to go out and become one of the bad boy douche bag types, just find a balance between the nice, caring gentleman type and the guy who stands up for himself. Girls like to feel like their guy can protect them along with being sensitive. Don't come off as desperate or anything, try to make it seem as if you couldn't care less if they wanted you or not, you just thought you'd ask and if it develops farther then it does, but make it seem as if you'll be just fine either way. All you need really is yourself, and to look after yourself and your needs right now. I had a real problem sometimes with putting other before me. If you get the depression under control, do well in school, try to develop a positive attitude then eventually you will find the right girl. You have to remember that if a girl doesn't accept you for who you really are, they will never be worth your time, the same goes for potential friends. I've been through some weird stages of depression where I felt sorry for myself and hopeless and I'd cry a few times, but I honestly don't do any of that anymore. Remember that girls want someone who seems as if they've got their life under control and on a successful path, they're attracted to positive people because if someone see's a person who seems happy they immediately want to experience the same joy. If they're upset or depressed themselves, your positive attitude will attract them to you too. On the other hand, if you remain depressed they'll most likely avoid you, no one wants to be around someone who puts them in a down mood. Try to smile often, when you're talking to girls try your best to be upbeat and positive and smile at them. I read somewhere that if you smile at a girl as you're in contact with her, her subconscious mind will instantly make her feel joy and most of the time she will smile back. As for the music, that's their loss if they want to listen to "music" that is complete ****. I like classic rock or any kind of rock for that matter, I've been playing the guitar since I was 8 and I have a passion for music. I like some jazz, pop, and hair metal as well. Try to get the depression under control and just look forward to the new room mate, think positive, eventually things will get better for you. I hope something I wrote helped.
 
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