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Hey there guys :)

I'm Krysta, and... I think I have SA?

Here's the thing. I've been browsing the forums, and it seems as though most of you have a problem with being out there in society in general. For me, what I'm afraid of is pretty specific...

For all intents and purposes, I'm doing okay. I have a boyfriend, I go to college and I'm doing okay. I was in a sales job two years, and I don't have a problem with public speaking. It's when I feel like I am putting my PERSONALITY up for judgement that I lose it.

I'm pretty much terrified of talking to girls. (and yes, I am one!) In the past I used to have a bunch of girlfriends. But mostly they all ditched me for one reason or another, and I'm scared whenever I talk to them that I sound awkward or nervous. I end up sounding pretty stilted and weird, like I'm always trying to make small talk. If I'm talking to another girl and she starts moving beyond the weather or school marks I just freeze up because I think I'll say the wrong thing. I feel as though they're looking down on me and pitying me because I'm so obviously uncomfortable. As a result, I try and get away as quickly as possible, and they reckon I'm trying to avoid them and don't bother anymore.

Though that's the worst of it, lately I've had trouble talking to anybody I don't know. I've lost most of my friends by suddenly becoming awkward around them because as I lose more friends, the more I worry about the ones I have left and the worse I get around them. I'm thinking of switching degrees, but I'm too scared of being in class with a bunch of people I don't know. Hell, I don't go to class if my one friend in my entire course isn't there - and I've been in the course 2 years. I have lost the ability to make any friends and I've forgotten how you can possibly talk normally to a new person. I spend all my time watching other people and trying to assess how they do it. I see people with boring personalities or just plain horrible ones making heaps of friends and I wonder how I could possibly have gone so wrong.

The thing is, I know how ridiculous it is. I know that when I'm comfortable, people like me better, I know that if I could just relax like I do when I'm around my bf or when I've been drinking everything would be fine. I haven't been this way forever, so I must know how to do it, it seems like it's just a matter of unlocking something that'll allow me to stop being so neurotic.

WOW! big wall of text :) Hope you don't mind, and hope I get to chat to all of you soon about your experiences. xx
 

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Welcome, Krysta! :)
 

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Hey Krysta, welcome to :sas
 

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Welcome! It's a vicious cycle isn't it? Sometimes we put so much emphasis on things that we let it get the better of us.
 
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