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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK, so I'm making a leap into a brave new world here, by admitting to myself that I might have Social Anxiety Disorder. I've not been diagnosed, but from everything I've read and watched on You Tube, I just know that this is what has plagued me my entire life.



I was a horrendously shy child, perhaps suffering from selective mutism, as I would bow my head down and be unable to talk to people.


And now, as a middle aged adult, I find social situations hard, to say the least. I frequently wring my hands together, stutter, stammer and make a fool of myself... Then I then beat myself up for days afterwards thinking that the other people will think I'm stupid, dumb, insensitive, or ignorant.
Why did I say that! I cringe to myself.



I brood, going over the scenario again and again. Completely enveloped in shame and fear about what they think of me.


It has gotten so bad that I rarely go out now. I dread social situations and usually don't go if invited. I don't have many friends. I feel like people don't like me because I'm not outgoing and comfortable in my own skin. I also struggle to hold down a job, don't like to drive, and am I suppose, a recluse. I can happily stay in my house/garden for a week or two, just pottering about. If it wasn't for my husband dragging me out for the occasional coffee or dinner I wouldn't go anywhere!


My husband is outgoing enough and confident about himself, so he is a crutch for me and I rely on him quite a lot in that regard. He's good at mathematics and directions and foreign language learning - all of the things I'm no good at. I prefer cooking and gardening and art, so we complement each other quite a bit, even though we are complete opposites! Luckily he doesn't put any pressure on me to be anything other than I am, so I'm thankful for that.


I'm not completely dependent, unintelligent or incapable. But, I do have this anxiety, fear, self loathing, shame?, low self esteem issue that literally plagues every waking moment of my life.


I know it holds me back. I know I'm not achieving as much as I could or should be. And I don't want to get old, and regret that I never attempted to get better. (Up until now I just thought that it's just me, that's how I am...) but maybe I can recover a little - though I'll never be the loud, outgoing, sociable person I dream of being!


I had a very strict upbringing/childhood, with overly critical, authoritarian parents constantly telling me what I should do and how I should do it (properly) from table manners to walking (I turned a toe in), not using slang, and sitting improperly. I was controlled and chided about everything!


It was so difficult I have decided not to become a mother, in case I pass on the same traits to my own children. So here I am, mid-40s. Without a job a car or a house (I rent). Bumbling along in life wondering just what it's all about really. Thought I might get some insight and opinion on this forum, so here I am.
 

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And now, as a middle aged adult, I find social situations hard, to say the least. I frequently wring my hands together, stutter, stammer and make a fool of myself... Then I then beat myself up for days afterwards thinking that the other people will think I'm stupid, dumb, insensitive, or ignorant.
Why did I say that! I cringe to myself.

I brood, going over the scenario again and again. Completely enveloped in shame and fear about what they think of me.
Hey Ms. Larson :wels
In case you have not done so already, I think that it would be best to see a professional (psychiatrists over psychologists). Mental disorders can be tricky, and inaccurate beliefs can lead you down some very dangerous paths.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
TheAzn, of course you are right, I should see a professional before self-diagnosing myself. I only wish I could! I live in a non-English speaking country, and finding good quality, professional therapists and psychologists who could understand me is difficult.

I only think I 'might' have it at this stage. Probably? But, I'm no expert, so yeah, I agree. Thought I could get some good advice or insights here on this forum.

Thanks for your reply.
 
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