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My wife is painfully shy. When we are in a store or a restaurant she won't talk, except to order her food. She makes me make her phone calls for her. She will literally not talk to me for days if I make her make a phone call (I mean I draw the line at making her doctor's appointments/hair appointments for her, I won't do that). She is even worse with interacting wtih my friends and family (I moved out of state to marry her). If I suggest we go to my hometown just for the day, she gets very mad or tries to make an excuse. My family/friends want her to be part of their life, but she says it makes her so nervous/uncomfortable to interact with them she'd "rather die." I don't know what to do. I am so stressed out about it. She doesn't think she has a problem so she won't go and get help. I need help!
 

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well if she truly thinks she doesn't have a problem, then there isn't much she will be willing to do to fix anything... She has to admit that she has a problem and then she can try and better herself step by step. It sounds like she has severe anxiety to me..
 

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its great to see that you care about you this much :)

i'd say, urge her to see someone for help for her anxiety. it sounds pretty severe. maybe you can collect information on social anxiety, print it out for her and show her that there are treatment options you want her to try if she wants to help her nervousness/SA. even just getting her a book on social anxiety and CBT might help as a starter.
 

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she probably knows she has a problem but she's still keeping it as her shameful secret from the rest of the world, until she admits that there's something wrong she cannot help herself and make any changes. maybe send her to this message board so she doesn't feel like she's the only one in the whole world...
 

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Does she have things she likes to do as hobbies on the nights and weekends or when she is free that she likes to talk about? Can she talk about her life with work and material goals also with a sense of goals and purpose, and not complain too much but just a little? Can she laugh and joke? Can she talk about basic news and is there some cause she cares about or able to talk about her children with a sense of care and pride?

If she can work on these things then social roles will be easier. She may be working too much with not a lot of time for fun. Nor remember her sense of purpose and meaning in she creates or/and finds in work. And forget that humor is good for you and others. Perhaps if you can work on these things with her together when you are with her, she can then see herself doing these things with others.
 

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She may not know where to get help or even if it is possible. I'd show her this site. It might help her out :).
 

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Great that you're motivated to try to learn more.Your wife may be happy as she is, she is clearly able to express her anxiety triggers to you and her menu needs to the waiter. You need to talk to see how you can move forward. What is stopping you visiting your family on your own ? Can you compromise on this ?
My husband is aware of SA and how it affects me, our home and social life at times. I really want to engage more, but can't, even what I do do is a major effort and he appreciates this. Good luck.
 

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You're a lovely husband to try to get help for her. Maybe she is more aware that she has a problem than you realise but she is too ashamed to talk about it yet. Keep being calm and patient with her so she doesn't feel any more guilty and ashamed than she probably already does, and she may well soon see that she can talk to you about it. It might take a while to build the confidence to see a therapist.
 

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I can totally relate MassGuy, I am dating someone with SA and it is very hard... I love him very much but it is a struggle and requires a lot of love and patience... I wish I had some advice but I am still searching for help myself.

He too won't interract with my family, doesn't like to go out, and isolates... yet asks me not to give up on him or us - that he is trying.

All coping advice is greatly appreciated from anyone on this site. Actually just reading and getting the insight of what they are all going through, how they feel and knowing that it is all real helps me immensely.

God Bless,

caflme
 
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