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Hello!

Just an introduction :) I'm new to the forum, and generally all forums, so totally green. I'm in my mid twenties, female and finding my social anxieties are progressively weighing down on me.

I'm very independent, outgoing and have no trouble making friends but I'm also finding myself wracked with anxiety. I can obsessively fixate on one tiny thing that I might have said or done wrong and will beat myself up about it, often vocalising. I'm starting to shout at myself now and I'm getting a bit worried. I'm generally agony aunt and fixer of other people's problems but I can't quite bring myself to doing the same and sharing this with anyone. I feel so embarrassed.

I'm on a really stressful, target and performance based post-grad course and I think this might have something to do with it. Over the years it's been minor and if anyone's caught me saying something I could pass it off as saying something else but it's got so much worse. My fiancé has heard me and so has a colleague.

I'm quite rational, and know that it's completely narcissistic to obsessively think that everyone is judging me and discussing things I've said/done, but no amount of telling myself otherwise will make it stop.

Discovering this forum is wonderful, and I've felt relieved looking through some posts and seeing other people have the same compulsions. I hope that people will read this and be able to cast some light or just share their own experiences.
I don't want to feel alone anymore.

Sorry for the essay and thanks for having me!
 

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Welcome, GrapefruitMoon! :)
 

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Welcome! I am new here myself.

Not usually outgoing and find it hard to make friends, but I can relate to the beating oneself up part. From what I've read that seems to be a common anxiety trait. What's helped me is to consciously forgive others but more importantly myself whenever I've done something I wish I hadn't or done another way instead. Once I catch myself beating myself up in my mind I say I forgive myself, I am not perfect and can't control everything, but I always have a choice. I choose to move forward, learn from this experience, and not beat myself up. For me, it's really important to forgive yourself and say it so. I never realized this until I started meditation (Sahaja Yoga - www.freemeditation.com) and it is so simple but makes so much sense. I'd beat myself up over every little thing and what a burden off my shoulder to say "I forgive myself". It is liberating.

Good luck and hope things work out for you!
 
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