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Hello


I’m a woman, who has been, ‘shy’ and ‘quiet’, since childhood, throughout my adolescent years and now as an adult those labels of my personality or character seem to be inaccurate. In all honesty I am and always have been a person suffering from anxiety. For example I clearly remember as a kid struggling with first day of school jitters, but what was and still is alarming to me, is those innocent jitters were very prolonged well into the school semester. With episodes of vomiting and hyperventilating before the school bus arrived. I often think of this time now and think how abnormal this behavior was, and how it lasted until my junior year in high school, reoccurring during college, and lasting until present day.



The state of my life now is stagnant because of my issues with panic and fear. I haven’t worked in 4 years because of my inability to function. These 4 years have been stressful and I think this has worsened my condition, I rarely leave home. I no longer keep in touch with the friends I had, and the few extended family members I have communicated with are very unsympathetic, and would rather put me down about being unemployed, amongst other things because they simply can, they almost seem to enjoy it. I don’t stand up for myself, because in incidences of confrontation I completely shut down. Ultimately I am a person who is tired of being anxious all the time, too afraid to fight back, or fight for my life, so I’ve sought out help.



In the coming week I will undergo a consultation with a therapist, and an assessment. This action of seeking help should be seen as a positive, but of course with everything I attempt to do, be it a meager errand or significant feat, I find worry. The therapist I’m going to see has a sliding scale finance option, but with no income, job, or health insurance, I have no idea how I will make the minimum payments. I could ask my immediate family for help but they’ve helped me financially enough already, the pressure of guilt I have is awful. Here I should be happy with my choice to seek help but I can’t be due to monetary issues.



The reason I have joined Social Anxiety Forum is to learn about what options I have to get help with paying for treatment, and to also get educated on what jobs or career opportunities I should pursue that would be easy to adapt to during this time, maybe low-stress jobs, do they exist? I hope to utilize this forum to guide me in decision making because I really don’t know what to do.
 

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Welcome, CarolineMagnolia! :)
 
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