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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all. I'm going to try and not make this a life story, but just some background info so you can get to know the real me right from the beginning. I'm 25 and I've had SAD probably most of my life. At least, since I began school. Never really fit in there. In late 2002 I finally went to my doctor and he diagnosed me with SAD and depression. He gave me a Prozac to help with the panic attacks and the sadness. I used to take it all the time, but after a while I got fed up with the "fake" happiness. Now I only take it if I actually have to go out in public.

I don't work at all. Although I desperately need to because look at how old I am! I've never had a job in my entire life. My parents still support me financially, but they don't really care about my sadness or SA. My entire life growing up was pretty much oppressed. I went to school and came home. I didn't socialize outside of school much (nor inside, really) and my father wouldn't allow me to visit potential friends at their house or vice versa.

Which brings me to my next subject. My father is a control freak. Yes, even now that I'm in my mid-twenties I am still controlled by him. He's a screamer and has to have his way - always. I do realize that I need to leave, but getting the courage to get a job is overwhelming to me. I have a fear of being by myself in a store all alone. I don't know how many of you experience that but I tend to space out and start feeling like I'm coming out of my body if I wonder off too far from my mother if I'm out with her. The medication helps sometimes with that, but not always. I don't socialize and I have no friends here. So it's even harder for me to find support let alone someone to just hang out with. I desperately want companionship, but my fears and anxieties keep me from it. (Was rejected one too many times by classmates I suppose.) My mother and I get along most of the time, but she too is controlled by father so she really doesn't take my side much on anything.

I don't go to a psychiatrist because I'm pretty sure that most of my problems are really due to the atmosphere of my home life. My older brother is a bit of a bully (he still lives with us - but for a completely different reason) and tends to put me down on a daily basis. I've confronted him about his hurtful comments, but he never stops. Seeing a psychiatrist really isn't going to stop the negativity that flows from both my father and brother's mouth so I don't really see much point in that. (I take things personally too much. And you can only hear something so much that you either believe it's true or it becomes true out of hearing it so much.)

Amazingly, I'm horrible about writing things like this up but on here this post seemed to flow so please forgive me for the length of it. I'm new to this site so if I wasn't suppose to post all this in this particular post - sorry!
 

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Welcome, Fade2Black! :)
 

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Hey fade2black welcome. :)
 

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:wel
 

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Hi,fade2black,welcome to :sas,I know you don't feel like it now but,I encourage you to reach out for help.This site is a good start but,there is allot of other help out there for you.Stay strong,Ryan
 

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hi fade2black, great intro - not too long at all!! this is a great place you've found - for me, every time i visit i learn a little bit more about SA - the first thing was that there are lots of people just like you and me all over the world - by talking to each other, i'm sure we'll all conquer our fears
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for all the welcomes. :) Outcast, I wouldn't really know where to start for help. I live practically in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive. I'm pretty much cut off from civilization where I live. Hence, the internet is my only contact to the world. This probably isn't what you meant though. Nebush, thanks. I'm not sure what I'm looking for on here yet. I decided to join to see how others like myself cope with it. Maybe I'll learn something from everyone else.
 
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