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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all :)

My life has not been the greatest. When I was 7 or 8 I noticed that I would tense up around important people and not be able to get a single word out. I guess it all makes sense now that I know about the fight or flight response and so on.

When I was 16 I developed a full-blown anxiety disorder and found myself to be anxious pretty much all of the time. I now no longer had the ability to relax at all and the anxiety was affecting all areas of my life. I would be constantly fearing future social situations, thinking everybody was judging me negatively, and so on. While most of my life I would hang out with the unpopular people, when I got to my last year of highschool I didn't have any friends at all.

For most of my life I thought I was an alien that had some kind of problem nobody else had. When I was 18 though, I finally found a name for my problem after searching the internet. With this knowledge I then desperately rushed around trying all of the treatment options in hope that I would be cured and people would finally see the 'real' me. I tried a lot of things that I knew were not right - they did not feel right. Eventually though, exposure therapy removed many of the symptoms that SAD creates. It certainly was not a cure but it helped me to gain confidence and made my mind rethink some of the beliefs it had developed.

When I was 19 though, OCD started to appear in my life. At the time, I was studying at university, working part-time, had a girlfriend, and was living away from home. While SAD certainly affected my performance, I still managed to get things done to a reasonable level. OCD, on the other hand, made life very difficult. I would constantly be thinking things over and over and over again until the anxiety rose so badly that I had a panic attack. While things are a little better these days, they are not that much better. I have tried SSRIs and therapy, but they have not had much effect.

Anyway, I somehow managed to graduate from university despite having to read the lines of textbooks about 10 times each. Since graduating from university I have tried some basic jobs but the OCD gets in the way and makes me too slow and unable to cope with life in general. I have now been unemployed for a few years and am living back at home. It is driving me absolutely insane and so I am hoping that in the next month or so I will try and go back into the workforce and get out of this place.
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