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Hello all, first post and just found this forum recently. i have struggled with social anxiety since childhood, I'm 51 now, and hoping to try to confront this and find ways to deal with it better. It has become worse over time, I have become totally isolated and have lost all connections with people. On the rare times I do try to spend time with other people I'm usually so stressed I just lurk in the background, or feel that i'm just talking rubbish and feel that i come across as an idiot, then this loops in my head afterwards, i'm sure others on here can identify with this too.

Also have ADHD, the inattention makes it hard to follow conversations and i keep dropping out and then coming back and being lost, after this cycle happens a few times I just can't keep up and lose interest completely, or the hyper side kicks in, especially after drinking, and then i talk at people and don't listen to them. I'm also bipolar too, mainly depressed most of the time, it's really hard to even get out of the house and i just withdraw more. Even writing this has been a struggle, i tend to obsess over what I have written and go over it again and again. Thanks for reading.
 

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Hi Wheel, welcome. :) I and I think many others can relate to the loop that plays in our minds after we do something we interpret as a social blunder of sorts.

I also have bipolar, highs and lows so you're not alone there either. ☺
 

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Hi and welcome! 🙂

I hope you will find support here as many of us can relate to the struggles of having SA and the constant obsessing and overthinking.

Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙏
 

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Hello Wheel welcome :)

I can relate my SA is getting worse as well as I age. The older I get the less proud I become over who I am and what I have done in my life so far. I think in my case this causes my SA to worsen.

I never quite understood ADHD. I completely relate to what you said about being unable to concentrate on conversations etc but are you sure this is related to ADHD? I don’t have ADHD
(I probably have the exact opposite whatever that is) at all yet I recognize what you mean.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
Hello Wheel welcome :)

I can relate my SA is getting worse as well as I age. The older I get the less proud I become over who I am and what I have done in my life so far. I think in my case this causes my SA to worsen.

I never quite understood ADHD. I completely relate to what you said about being unable to concentrate on conversations etc but are you sure this is related to ADHD? I don’t have ADHD
(I probably have the exact opposite whatever that is) at all yet I recognize what you mean.
Thanks.

ADHD is due to a low level of Dopamine, this causes hyperactivity both physically and mentally, but the physical symptoms tend to reduce with age for many people with ADHD, they learns that this is socially unacceptable and can hide it or develop coping strategies. The attention deficit is a result of the mental hyperactivity, there is usually not enough stimulation in a usual conversation to increase Dopamine levels. This also creates a problem with remembering and following instructions.

I also struggle to read and take in information, i can easily forget the previous paragraph, and have to read the same passage over and over again or, on a bad day for me, i tend to give up completely if i can't even follow one sentence on to another. I also struggle writing as my brain run too quick and i can't get everything down, make lots of spelling mistakes and forget the next thing I was going to get down. I have to re-read each sentence i write a number of times to correct mistakes. There are also problems with start too many different things at the same time and not finishing one task before going on something else. On the flip side something that is stimulating and does increase Dopamine can result in hyperfocus and then can't break that focus and get on with others things that need to be done.

The problems start early as it's a life long condition, with parents struggling with the child's behaviour at home. It does have a genetic component and is often hereditary, this is still be researched, and some times parents are undiagnosed too. It's also common for adults to get diagnosed after their children have been diagnosed themselves, adult ADHD was only recognised in the UK in 2008. For a male child the symptoms tend to be towards the obviously hyperactive end of the spectrum and for females the attention deficit symptoms are more common. It is thought that there is a large bias towards females with ADHD to be underdiagnosed, historically research has focused on male children but this is starting to be addressed in recent years.

It's common to have poor behaviour and attention in school and therefore poor education results. That follows on with trouble getting employment as a result, and then problems staying in work due to poor time keeping, poor attendance, sub-standard performance or getting burnout due to having to work harder than other to achieve the same results. Problems with alcohol and especially substance abuse are very common, also a high proportion of prisoners have ADHD, either diagnosed or undiagnosed with all the symptoms.

It's not all negatives. Some ADHD people do very well in education, and find a good fit in fast paced jobs, are able to direct their hyperactivity in a positive way and succeed in business, with entreprenerial ideas, creative work and in the arts. The are some very successful people who are ADHD, some are open about it, and there is speculation about many more well known people being ADHD.

Other people experience poor concentration and other symptoms too, but they tend to vary, for people with ADHD these issues are at a higher intensity and more of a constant higher level and they negatively affect everyday functions. There are lots of other reasons why a person can't focus on a conversation, it's not neccessarily due ADHD. ADHD is well known but still poorly understood generally, the typical view is of a hyperactive boy that can't behave, but this is often not the case. If you do, or anyone else, identifies with most or all of the symptoms, maybe do some research and then consider if you should get assessed yourself. I was diagnosed at 48, I'm sure diagnosis and some help earlier in my life would have made a significant difference for me. I hope this is some useful information for you.
 

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After what you wrote I al even more certain that I don’t have ADHD. What causes my bad concentration levels is a mystery
thanks for the explanation :)
 
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