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Hi..

I've had social anxiety since I was a teenager. I remember that I used to avoid going to the cinema because I was "afraid" of buying tickets at the counter. I've always had social contacts, but never friends. My acid test for a friend is someone who remembers your birthday.

That test hasn't been met post 12. I did have a friend (a girl, I'm male) who actually met this test at 26. But unfortunately she had (obviously!) friend zoned me and I've fallen out of contact with her as I wanted her romantically. I miss her so much and wish she didn't have massive boobs as my penis got in the way of true friendship.

I don't think I have social anxiety anymore. I am in professional sales as a job and quite good at it. I can build professional relationships quickly. Everyone I meet at work has no idea that I'm shy. But I've never learnt how to make proper friends or pursue romantic interests.

One of the things that I think marks me out as a socially anxious individual is the fact that if I got married I would have no one to be my best man. I've also never been on a stag do and never been abroad. I am often ridiculed for my lack of holiday experience. I would love to go travelling but I'd like to go with someone. I do often to go the cinema and eat out alone, but I don't really fancy going on a holiday alone. I only applied for a passport recently which I now have. Ironically this was so I could go on a holiday with a prostitute. Unfortunately the holiday never transpired as said prostitute dumped my ***. And that isn't a derogatory term for an ex, she was an actual prostitute. That's the only woman I have ever gotten any interest from.

Anyway, my 30th approaches. I am going to spend is completely inebriated and watching films or some good tv shows. To be fair I actually enjoy doing that. As a socially anxious man I often find myself falling for the strong female leads in many shows. That's the only way I get to experience my own sexuality currently. Other than pornography.

Being socially unable to engage in human relationships sucks. The rest of my life is actually pretty good - if only I had some friends or maybe even a romantic partner.

But I've come a long way! Who would have known that I'd have a job in sales. I cound't even order a cinema ticket at 17!!

Happy 30th to me next month!
 

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Salesman91,

When the SA haze clears, you will definitely see things a lot different than you presently do! It's hard work, but worth it!

Welcome to SAS! :)
 
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