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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone. This is so hard for me.. Just posting this message is giving me heart palpitations. :afr

I'm a 19 year old girl and have been "shy" with varying degrees throughout my whole life. My anxiety really started to get bad during my junior year of high school. A teacher would ask me a question and I would start trembling and quietly say "I don't know.." just so I wouldn't possibly give the wrong answer and have someone think bad of me (especially in math class). I wouldn't even be able to write a straight line afterwards, I was trembling so much! I would skip school and somehow I wormed my way around speeches and mock interviews. I still don't know how I got through it..
I graduated high school and was too nervous to apply to any "real" colleges so I went to community college for a semester. It was while I was going there that my anxiety became crippling. I remember a time that I was asked what I was doing for a project by a teacher and I couldn't get the words out. My heart was racing so fast and my face was red. I couldn't even think and it felt like time had froze. I would constantly feel nauseous and terrified before going to class, from the first one all the way to the very last class. It was too much for me and I decided to not go another semester.

I've been pretty much bumming around for a year, depending on my parents. I've never had a job and can't attend school so I feel a lot of shame about how others view me, especially when distant family members/friends ask "So what are you doing with your life?" It's so embarrassing to say "Ooh, I'm thinking about going to school when I get the money, I'm looking for a job with no luck, etc.." I've even tried to go the honest route and say that I have SA. Of course that didn't work because I was told to "just get over it" by my sister, which upset me pretty bad. It seems like almost no one understands. I feel like I can't express in words how depressed this makes me feel. It seems like I can't talk to anyone, not even my family. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about it but he also says to just get over it and that I'm creating a problem. I'm not sure if I'm breaking the forum rules by saying this, but I have felt suicidal for about once a day for a long time now. Mainly because I can't connect with any human beings around me and I feel like a huge burden. No one really cares about me.

My mom has made an appointment for me with a general practitioner in a few days. It will be the first time I'm getting medical help for this. She told me not to tell the doctor I've had thoughts of suicide, but I'm scared that this will be counterproductive to my treatment. Should I bring it up?
We don't have health insurance, which is another factor contributing to why I feel like such a burden. I'm scared it will be outrageously expensive. I asked her to do most of the talking with the doctor because I'm so terrified. Ugh..

Has anyone had experiences with going to a regular doctor for their social anxiety? What will it be like and what should I expect? I asked my mom if she could make an appointment with someone who specializes in things like anxiety treatment but she wouldn't. I don't think she wants to deal with the stigma of going to the "crazy doctor".

I apologize that this is so long and I doubt anyone will read this. I'm excited about getting help for this.. Just imagining all the things I would be able to actually do! Even just simple things like paying a cashier or walking in a park without feeling awkward. Anyway.. I look forward to participating in the forum! :squeeze
 

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Geese
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Firstly welcome aboard weepie.

As for your question, it's great that you are finally seeking professional help, it was a huge help to me doing so. If your doctor is anything like mine they will just ask you some basic questions like how you feel day to day, what triggers your fears etc (and they will probably ask about suicidal thoughts, I can not give you advice on what to answer regarding that question but I feel it would be better to just tell the truth about it).

Hopefully they will organise for you to see a therapist of sorts as well.

Overall I would go in there with an open mind and just answer truthfully to them, because hiding things can be unhealthy when it comes to them diagnosing you or sending you off for additional help.

Good luck!
 

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Your Assumptions
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:wels

It was an easy and short appointment with the first GP I told. He asked a few questions then said he would refer me for CBT. The second one I saw a few years later (who knew about my anxiety from my records) did the same.

They are not big on prescribing medication where I live, so they didn't mention that option at the first appointment. If they do suggest such an option, ensure they fully explain the benefits and drawbacks so you can make an informed decision.
 

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Hey weepie welcome. :)
 

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Hi. I'm new in here myselfe :)
I just wanted to make a suggestion. You said you asked your mother to do most of the talking with the doctor because it scares you. But the way you talk, it's like your mother doesn't really understand you completely. Have you considered to do something like write all this stuff you wrote to us, and everything else you want to say to him but can't, and give him the paper? I know it sounds kinda stange...
Well, take care.
xx
 

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Welcome, Weepie! :)
 

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Comfortably Numb
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You have taken the first step seeking help you should be very proud of yourself.As far as being ashamed for not working or going to school,Don't be,you have been sick its not your fault,people get sick all the time,its beyond your control.And if you feel you are going to harm yourself you should always tell your doctor,never be afraid of reaching out for help.Please,hang in there,and when you are feeling better,you can go on with your life.Look at it this way this is only a pit-stop on your road of life.
 

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:wel
 

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Hi Weepie

I think you're doing really well to be getting to the doctor!

I know how you feel about feeling ashamed. I'm basically living off my parents for the last three years now due to my inablilty to cope with stuff and i've hit my thirties.

It's great that your mom has booked an appointment for you. I've also felt very suicidal a lot and tried to sort of mention it to my parents (even recently went as far as to say that when they were away on holiday recently i seriously considered it) but they just seem to ignore me and have never been as helpful as yours. It's like if they don't acknowledge the mess i'm in it won't be true.

I can understand your mom not wanting you to mention stuff, maybe worrying that you will be labelled in some way or that it will cause you problems (i'm from the UK so not sure if moeny is a part of that)

I do think though that you should say you've been feeling desperate enough to think about ending it. Otherwise you may get fobbed off with less help than you need. (i know that happens here, the UK seems to be a pill culture - just give someone anti depressants and get them out the door)

I hope things go really well for you. Don't get to my postition where even more of your life has just been wasted and your shame is debilitating!

Good luck
 

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Hi weepy!

It's great that your mother is looking to get you professional help. You're only 19 and getting a head start. And as someone who's older than you and still in and out of jobs, I know the feelings you feel when people ask what you're doing and there's nothing really to say. Well, actually there's so much to say, dealing with SA and all, but you know what I mean. LOL.

As for the doctor, I think it would be best for you to speak for yourself. If it makes you anxious to speak about things in front of your mother, she is not obligated to be in the room with you as you are adult. You are entitled to a complete privacy with your doctor and if you feel comfortable with him/her, then tell them everything you're feeling. If you don't feel comfortable, find another doctor.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks everyone for the advice and welcomes! I can't believe I went through with the appointment, I couldn't stop crying the whole time for some reason. The doctor gave me two weeks worth of Pristiq and told me to come back after I've finished it. I've never been on any mood altering medications and my mom doesn't want me to take it because of all the possible side effects and how new it is. I will create a new thread about it in the medication section.
 

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3rd SAS Battalion
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Hi weepie welcome to the forum, using this you'll be able to ask questions in a friendly environment and you will get information on different therapies and medication. People do overcome social anxiety, but I think each person does it in their own way.

We all arrived here through different routes, mines happens to be autism, something I can't change, but there are techniques that can help integrate me into society. Other people, their anxiety will come from events in their past and underlying beliefs that can be changed.

I recommend you read as much as you can on the internet about social anxiety, social anxiety medication, and social anxiety therapies. Read, read and read, knowledge is power. I recommend you also spend time analysing yourself and trying to find out what's triggering the anxiety, specific trends and times. Hopefully you will be able to find a therapist which will make overcoming the anxiety much easier for you, it can be done alone if necessary though.
 
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