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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all,

first of all i'd like to say that i felt compelled to join this site after browsing fruitlessly through google for the past couple of weeks. Having been faced with this condition for some time now (which i did not know was actually a "condition" until i read it up by chance on wikipedia) i felt that perhaps now was the time to join a support group in the hopes that someday i might be able to break free of this specter.

Some background info, i'm a 21 year old university student from the sunny island of Singapore (that's somewhere in south east asia). Being a traditional society based around conformity, where individuality is downplayed and "loners" are shunned, hasn't done much for my social issues.

Basically, in certain social situations (typically involving more than 4-5 people, or in the presence of any women) i experience acute hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating), stomach cramps and nausea. My conversational abilities go out the window and in its place I become inarticulate and unfriendly. It probably goes without saying that i've been single since i was born, and despite my best overtures and intentions, women avoid me like the plague.

Consequently, my hobbies are all introvert-stuff: i enjoy classical music and play the piano and guitar. Once in a while i play video games or cycle, and that's about it. My sporting and athletic abilities are commensurate with my social confidence (or lack thereof) so I strongly avoid any hobbies or situations involving those aspects.

I guess that's all there is to me. I sincerely hope to be able to relate to you guys here, and maybe we can all draw on each other's strengths to improve our social lives :)
 

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hi

Hi...
Like you i too was looking for an outlet to my worries as a socially anxious person.
let me tell you a little about myself. I have been suffering from this disease since childhood but i became aware that i have it just 1 year ago. i am 27 now. i got married last year thinking that things are under control and that i would be able to cope with it. but now 8 months after the marriage my husband threatens to leave me because i am not behaving properly with his family members. i become so anxious in front of other people that i freeze. i become numb unable to say or react in any manner. this shows to everyone.

my husband thinks that social anxiety is not a problem. i just need to pull myself together and interact with people. but after having series of negative interactions i have become very sensitive to what others are thinking about me. i feel now i have lost interest or hope in life and don't feel like living.

i can relate totally to you and all i can say is go for CBT with a therapist. i tried it last year and it worked. right now i cant do it without a therapist because i am depressed too and need medications. you are young and have time. its a simple problem with huge implications that can affect a person's whole life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi oshene, i'm not sure how things may be done in your country but in mine, once i go for a therapist it is marked down on medical record that I may be (for want of a better term, and not used in a pejorative context) "psychologically unstable".

Unfortunately this doesn't stop there. Employers (especially those in the civil service) will have access to this medical information when hiring and it has been proven to negatively affect your attractiveness as a potential employee during interviews. Furthermore my university study is based on the assurance that I am free of such issues. If i am found to be having such issues then it is also likely that my university studies will be affected, or possibly even revoked. Such is the climate surrounding psychological disorders in my country. I have no redress but to continue to seek help from online sources.

Thanks for sharing your story oshene. I hope that this site will be of great help to us as we continue on our battle against SA.
 

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i am extremely sorry to hear how people can be tagged for things they have no control on.
i live in india and here too there is a stigma surrounding mental problems though here we are able to cover up such problems.

there is a very good article on social phobia. URL:
http://www.nevdgp.org.au/info/topics/depression/social_phobia_manual.pdf

try reading this. it is as good as talking to a counceller.
hope things work out for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the link oshene.
Im getting started on it and hopefully by the end at the very least i would have gained some understanding of my condition. After all understanding something is half the battle won.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the link oshene.
Im getting started on it and hopefully by the end at the very least i would have gained some understanding of my condition. After all understanding something is half the battle won.
 

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:wel
 

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Hey napoleoniccomplex welcome. :)
 

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Hey Napolean, welcome to the forums. It's good to meet you.

Consequently, my hobbies are all introvert-stuff: i enjoy classical music and play the piano and guitar. Once in a while i play video games or cycle, and that's about it. My sporting and athletic abilities are commensurate with my social confidence (or lack thereof) so I strongly avoid any hobbies or situations involving those aspects.

I guess that's all there is to me.
I strongly suspect you have more going for you than that. First of all you are quite articulate (It's been a while since I've heard someone break out the term acute hyperhidrosis, even on these forums :) And I wouldn't associate video games, classical music and guitar with introversion; some of the most social people I've met are classical musicians, and there are some pretty wild guitarists and gamers out there.

Unfortunately this doesn't stop there. Employers (especially those in the civil service) will have access to this medical information when hiring and it has been proven to negatively affect your attractiveness as a potential employee during interviews. Furthermore my university study is based on the assurance that I am free of such issues. If i am found to be having such issues then it is also likely that my university studies will be affected, or possibly even revoked. Such is the climate surrounding psychological disorders in my country. I have no redress but to continue to seek help from online sources.
That really sucks. Who knows how many people could use assistance but aren't able to get it for these reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hey Napolean, welcome to the forums. It's good to meet you.
I strongly suspect you have more going for you than that. First of all you are quite articulate (It's been a while since I've heard someone break out the term acute hyperhidrosis, even on these forums :) And I wouldn't associate video games, classical music and guitar with introversion; some of the most social people I've met are classical musicians, and there are some pretty wild guitarists and gamers out there.
That really sucks. Who knows how many people could use assistance but aren't able to get it for these reasons.
Thanks. I'm sure all of us wish that we were able to reveal our "true colours" sometimes more often to others, but speaking for myself I am unable to cross the first hurdle of making a good first impression 99% of the time partially because of these anxiety issues. Playing music in front of others, while also a social situation, does tend to negate a moderate amount of my anxiety though, so i hope to able to work from there.

As to why I classified my hobbies as introvert, I believe that there is a common perception as to which hobbies and activities endear oneself to others (whether the opposite sex or groups of people) and usually these tend to be sports (which I would love to be better at) or some manner of public speaking, dance maybe etc. Personally I have had criticism that I should reinvent myself by changing my hobbies (or acquiring new ones) in order to change my social situation.

What do you guys feel about how one's hobbies can relate to one's self-worth and his or her attractiveness to peers and society in general?:um
 

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Welcome, NapoleonicComplex! :)
 

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What do you guys feel about how one's hobbies can relate to one's self-worth and his or her attractiveness to peers and society in general?:um
If you have a hobby that interests you and in which you and/or others can grow over time (ex. collecting more stamps, winning baseball games) then I bet that would help you feel a lot better about yourself. Particularly if a hobby had some positive impact on the world or your community, like walking around your neighborhood drawing maps for residents (weird example but that's something I could see myself doing).

As far as attractiveness to peers and society, it depends what kind of society you live in and the people around you. For a given hobby there will always be people who are turned off, and others who are turned on. That's one reason I like travel; differences in values and culture vary impressively. You can't be all things to all people (and wouldn't want to, as that'd be a highly complicated, stressful existence), and indeed the most fulfilling, rewarding life is one in which you, in Russell Simmons's words, "Do you". As Organic WildRoot said, "to be something you are not is a waste of who you are". Unless your hobby is illegal or immoral, give yourself permission to pursue it and live your life the way you want to.

I disagree that you should eliminate hobbies you enjoy in the hopes that it will attract people to you. Picking up new hobbies never hurts as long as you are legitimately into them. Anyway, I don't think it's so much the hobby that endears others to people as much as more central aspects of their person/personality. A lot of athletes are popular not just because they are on a team, but more because they are aggressive, spontaneous, physical, etc (which is also why they got into sports). So picking up a new hobby or two isn't going to cause people who aren't your type to suddenly be into you. But it could very well introduce you to new people with whom you share something.
 

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Hi...
Like you i too was looking for an outlet to my worries as a socially anxious person.
let me tell you a little about myself. I have been suffering from this disease since childhood but i became aware that i have it just 1 year ago. i am 27 now. i got married last year thinking that things are under control and that i would be able to cope with it. but now 8 months after the marriage my husband threatens to leave me because i am not behaving properly with his family members. i become so anxious in front of other people that i freeze. i become numb unable to say or react in any manner. this shows to everyone.

my husband thinks that social anxiety is not a problem. i just need to pull myself together and interact with people. but after having series of negative interactions i have become very sensitive to what others are thinking about me. i feel now i have lost interest or hope in life and don't feel like living.

i can relate totally to you and all i can say is go for CBT with a therapist. i tried it last year and it worked. right now i cant do it without a therapist because i am depressed too and need medications. you are young and have time. its a simple problem with huge implications that can affect a person's whole life.
Dear Oshene,
Don't worry about what others think or believe. believe in yourself and do whatever makes you feel good.You have done CBT before and if it makes feel better continue,you will be a good mother as ur heart n soul is good.Remember you are not alone talk to few frnds you have and never feel alone.there are some person who cares for you even-though they are not with ,feel they are near and never feel depressed.Find something that makes u feel good from heart..it will be will your everlasting solution..i can only pray god.
 
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