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Hello, finally got help

1295 Views 20 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  Dancee
Hi everyone. Believe me, this is tough for me. It's probably going to be a rambling mess.

I'm a 33 year old guy and I guess I've been dealing with anxiety all my life, I had always just called it "nerves". Or was just "high strung". We didn't have "anxiety" when I was a kid...people just dealt with stuff.

I never go to doctors so making an appointment with a psychiatrist was a pretty big deal.

I've always hated going out of the house, even just to a book store or to the coffee shop or out to eat. I always had this feeling of "what's the point?" or "Why bother, they'll just get the order wrong" and there was always this feeling of "impending doom". If I had an appointment or something to do that later in the day - that's all I could think about. I wouldn't eat, and I would just pace around the house thinking and thinking and thinking about it.

Once I got married this turned into a problem. My wife wants to go out, I'm afraid to walk out of the front door. She talked me into seeing someone.

It was a great decision. I was given some medicine that seems to be helping. I still get anxious when we leave but I don't refuse to leave anymore. I'm also able clearly process an upcoming event and leave it alone.

Does anyone else have these things? If I'm in the wrong place I'm sorry.
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With that being said.

We've now found out that a friend of ours has cancer. He's only got days/weeks to live. I am too scared to go say goodbye to him. I am sitting here playing online scrabble, frozen like a coward.

Isn't going to say goodbye to him going to make it harder on him? Make it seem like everyone is there to pity him?
Hi, I'm 35 and, like you, I've had SA for most my life. It's great you've made that first step in getting help. It was a big move for me also. I tried the medication thing also but the side effects of them made me very ill and I don't take them anymore. I was in psychotherapy for awhile but it really didn't help either due to the therapist not having any experience in treating SA; my therapist was always trying to go back into my childhood and find a source of the anxiety without actually trying to treat the anxiety itself - it was very frustrating. Right now, I'm on Dr.Richards self-help CBT program and that seems to be helping more than the meds ever did. Fingers crossed for a permanent cure. :yes

As for your friend that has cancer, you have to gather up the courage and go see him. You'll regret it if you don't - believe me. My cousin died of brain cancer a couple years ago and while I was nervous to go see him before he died he was so happy I did. He greeted me with a wide smile and all the pressure and nervousness I had before went away, as my thoughts were no longer about myself, it was about him. You will be ok - your empathy will carry you through your fear.
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Hi Norwood and welcome. I had a lot of anxiety about being around sick people (I'm a bit of a hypocondriac in addition to the SA) until my mom got cancer. I spent many hours with her in the hospital and doctor's offices while she got treatment. I agree with Riggs, you will not regret going to see your friend.
Congratulations Northwood, you did it! Going to the psychiatrist was hell for me, but now i am improving and i am so glad that i did it. And welcome to the forum :)
Hey Norwood :wels
Hello there

welcome to the SAS Forum
Thanks for the welcome folks.

The Dr. diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder, panic attacks and agoraphobia.

A few hours after visiting my friend in the hospital he and his wife called me and my wife. He was being discharged. There is nothing more they can do for him.

So last night, I drove to the hospital, picked him up and drove him home so that he know.

Nice to see somebody the same age. :)
I am sorry to hear about your friend. I think he will have to come to terms with it. At the very least, you are to treat him as if he were still alive. Keep it optimistic. You know, don't go too far into the future, but keep everything up as if he will make it another day.

Be a friend.....that's all that is required.

This would be hard on anyone, not just an SAer. I remember having to say goodbye to my grandmother after she had her stroke. She could not respond and had refused her feeding tube. I talked to her for the last time over the telephone - telling her things that she had asked of me. Luckily, I was with my cousin and her family at the time.

Welcome to the site.
This is all I can think about. I obsess about things anyway, and this is ten times worse.

Do you want to hear something that is making me crazy?

Last night, I wondered to myself if he would give me his X-Box. That thought actually crossed my mind.

I'm a horrible, horrible person.
Side effect of anxiety - scary thoughts. They are just thoughts. Knowing that it scares you is a good thing. You're not crazy. The thought may be insensitive, but that does not make you crazy. Crazy would be stealing or robbing him of it.

Let the thoughts pass - do not give them any attention. They are there to scare and distract, nothing else! :)
You felt something - that is important.
Again, the X-Box thing is a distractive thought - trying to keep you from needing to address something.

I couldn't cry for nearly six weeks after my father died - part of it was Paxil, but it was fear of the unknown and what I would have to face (anxiety big time).

Anxiety for the most part is keeping you too occupied to feel other things.
Don't punish yourself for the thought Norwood - this thought was what is called an ''intrusive thought'' and happen to many people who are disturbed by the thoughts. I was just reading about this on Wikipedia earlier on. Believe me, many people have far worse thoughts, just out of the blue like that, I have had worse...
muddle puts it nicely, this a normal reaction to your situation. Your psychiatrist will definitlely understand, every human experiences this. It doesn't make you a bad person at all!
I only saw one episode of Monk and it freaked me out. :afr
Anyway, the business with walking your dog and feeling like people are looking at you. That will wane with time - it took me time. :yes

Hang in there. You always have us here if you need anything. :)
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