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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everybody. I ran across this site while trying to research what the heck is wrong with me. :)

I'm about to turn 40 in a few weeks, which has me reflecting on where my life is going.

I spend far too much time alone. I'm single, I don't really date, and I have very few friends. I know I am supposed to get married at some point, but I really don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. I fear that if I ever got married my wife would realize that I'm pretty boring and that I wouldn't be able to make her happy. Keeping a spouse happy seems like a lot of pressure.

I have lived alone for 15 years, and I would have trouble living with another person. I would feel like a roommate/wife would always be judging me and think I am weird if I spend too much time online or watching TV or something like that.

I don't fear all social situations, but I tend to obsess over past embarrassing moments. I have a "playbook" of maybe 20 past embarrassing moments I think about, some of which happened many years ago. Several times a day, something will trigger me to remember one of these past embarrassing moments, causing me to cringe or wince or even loudly blurt out a word or phrase in response. Lately, whenever I think of one of the embarrassing moments, I blurt out the name of an ex-girlfriend, which makes no sense, since the embarrassing moments have nothing to do with her.

I only do the blurting thing when I am alone, and I can control it so that I don't do it in front of people. When I'm at work sitting in my office, I'll mutter or say "hey" when I remember an embarrassing moment, at a volume that I think my co-workers can't hear, but maybe they do.

My dad actually does the same thing. He blurts something many times a day when he remembers an embarrassing moment. He was actually diagnosed with Tourette's as a result of this and I think he's on meds for it. I think my brothers do it too.

So I've tried to research what this phenomenon is called. The closest I have found so far is that it is called "rumination." I don't spend a lot of time ruminating, but I have intrusive thoughts about embarrassing moments and then I do the "blurting when remembering embarrassing moments" thing. I can't find out what this is called. I would love to learn more about this condition if anyone has heard of it or knows what it is.

I guess I should probably go into therapy, but for now I am trying to learn as much as possible on my own and then I will decide. I look forward to interacting with you folks in the discussion forum.

Thanks.
 

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SAS Member
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Welcome to SAS solotraveler! :)
 

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Welcome, SoloTraveler! :)
 

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Welcome to SAS!

I have the same tendencies

You're not alone
 

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Querdenker
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Hi

Perhaps it would be a good idea to tell a doctor. There are medications that can be prescribed and he\she would know about therapy too. What you tell the doctor is confidential.
 

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Hey solotraveler welcome. :hyper
 
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