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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I'm new here!
You can call me Amalithe. I'm 19 years old, female and a university student (currently on hold). Also, I apologize in advance for any faulty writing, I'm not a native English speaker.

Since early childhood, I've been living more in my head than irl. I've always felt incredibly awkward meeting with other people, no matter if they were close friends or strangers. However, I pushed on and kept putting myself into social situations, doing my best to ignore whatever unpleasant feelings and thoughts decided to take over my mind.

This worked out pretty well until last week, where I experienced the first full-blown panic attack of my life, triggered by the first day of my new part-time job - my task was to teach others in person (gasp!). I suspect I've also developed a few secondary disorders over the course of my life. Just some of the reasons why I decided to pause uni, return to my hometown and focus on recovering instead: I had stopped eating due to a lack of motivation to cook and fear of going outside to buy groceries and my apartment had become pretty similar to a garbage dump.

My current goal in life is to start therapy, in itself quite the struggle. There are astronomical waiting times and because I've hidden my symptoms away from others for my whole life, I'm having immense trouble putting them into words to prove to the therapists on the phone that I do indeed suffer from SA and would benefit from therapy while shaking like a leaf - what a surreal situation.

I'm looking forward to interacting a bit on here and hearing thoughts or pieces of advice from other people who have similar experiences. So, nice to meet you, everyone!
 

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Welcome to the forum Amalithe, I hope you find a bit of support on this site as well as make some friends along the way 🙃
 

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Welcome and therapy is a good first start. Don't ignore the symptoms accept them as part of who you are and learn to control them. I know it's easier said than done but it's what's my therapist tells me. I do mine virtually maybe its something to look into. Virtual has help me tremendously being agoraphobic
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hello Yulp, thank you for the encouragement and for sharing some advice!

Yeah, people often say that life is all about facing your fears and overcoming them, growing in the process. It's hard to do, but I'll try my best. I'm also rooting for you. :)

I wasn't aware that virtual therapies were a thing before, that's interesting. Indeed, one of the therapists that I managed to contact is offering online therapy due to the pandemic and I'm very curious about what the experience will be like.
 

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Hello Yulp, thank you for the encouragement and for sharing some advice!

Yeah, people often say that life is all about facing your fears and overcoming them, growing in the process. It's hard to do, but I'll try my best. I'm also rooting for you. :)

I wasn't aware that virtual therapies were a thing before, that's interesting. Indeed, one of the therapists that I managed to contact is offering online therapy due to the pandemic and I'm very curious about what the experience will be like.
Online therapy has really helped me alot it is less anxiety inducing. I truly wish you the best. I'm here almost all day if you need to talk just send me a message.
 

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Welcome. It's great that you are getting help at 19 rather than waiting til later. Whatever therapy you take on, I recommend that you have activities to occupy your mind. If not part time work, volunteering. If not volunteering, art, exercise or study. Me - I write books and get lost in my creativity and forget about my problems. You don't want to have so much free time, that you automatically start ruminating about your problems.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
:) Thank you jamiebear, I appreciate the advice. Also, woah, book writing? That sounds so cool. I've tried writing short stories before but I end up staring at the paper or screen with a rough outline in mind, thinking "that's not original at all", immediately giving up. It's inspiring to hear from people who are passionate about their hobbies.

Yeah, I've noticed the effects of having too much free time recently. I am stuck in my head for hours and certain ideas just loop and sap me of the strength to do anything. A vicious cycle. All these thoughts revolve around a friend who is very dear to me. However, they've stopped talking to me. It has only been 1-2 weeks, yet I already feel like I'm going crazy.

I think I'll try to get back into drawing and see if it helps me forget about my worries. :coffee:
 

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Perhaps try putting down words on paper to describe how you feel when meeting a therapist To explain your feelings. That way you think more about what you want to say and it might make more sense for yourself and the therapist. Plus it is also writing which you seem to have an affinity with, maybe you’ll end up writing a book about social anxiety in the end ;) After all it doesn’t need to be fiction, right?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Writing down thoughts is a good suggestion! I've started doing some form of journaling (really just forcing myself to write some thoughts every day) and it has helped me gain clarity on what's bothering me -> what I want to bring up in the therapy sessions.

Hehe, you're right. Truth is, I'm way more inclined to write than to draw, noticed today that I don't really wanna draw anything. Guess there's no harm in writing some random stuff since there are no time limits or expectations by others stressing me anymore.

God, this just reminds me of how glad I am that I can finally take a break from school for a while. Having your essays judged by others is the worst. o_O
 
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