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Hello all I am new and seeking some help. I kind of am trying to find out what it is that I really have. I have went to a few different psychiatrists and doctors and have been told conflicting things. One doctor said I have ADD another said I have Social Anxiety and General Anxiety disorder.

When I was young, I think around 8 I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I had horrific violent images and a few compulsions like hand washing, and changing my underwear about 40 times a day.

From what I can tell my compulsions have went away, but I am not sure of whether or not my obsessive thoughts have.

Anyway I want to compare some of my symptoms to the others here and see if they are similar so I can get some foresight into what it is I have.

#1. Hard to hold a job, constantly dreading work before even going to work, thinking about work the day before, thinking about the interview weeks ahead of time, worrying what the people at work might think of me, worried I might mess up at work.

#2. Hate leaving the house and being in social enviornments. I get nervous around people, I feel like people are looking at me and judging me and talking behind my back or laughing at me.

#3. Performance anxiety. I hate doing things in front of people especially. Sometimes I ask myself if I am walking properly or cool enough, lol. I feel uncomfortable in my body around people. Another example of this is when getting out of my car at a place or to pump gas, I think people are looking at me so I actually look more awkward because I am trying to compensate and I end up looking very odd and uncoordinated when I lock my door or pick up the gas nozzle etc.

#4. Constant judging of myself, the voice in my head constantly tells me I am no good, I have no skills, I enjoy nothing, I am bored, I will fail etc.

#5. Low concentration

#6. Horrible memory, I can read something and forget what I read 20 seconds ago.

#7. General worrying, worried that my eyes are worse then they really are, worried that I am damaging my brain somehow from so much negative thinking and overthinking, worried that I will never succeed, worried that I will never live a normal life. Pretty much self defeating beliefs.

#8. Hard to get close to anyone or form any kind of bond. I am constantly worried about myself and I have a hard time giving anyone else attention. I feel like I am a drain to other people and that no one would really want to be friends with someone so negative and self-loathing as myself.
These are just some of the common ailments that I find bothering me. I have more but at this moment in time I can't even think of them. Also I would like to add that sometimes I feel that life is not real and that I feel like I am not even in my body, kinda like robot syndrome or something.

Any help would be appreciated. By the way my name is Eric and it is nice to meet you all, I really don't know where to turn to anymore and I feel extremely helpless. Everyone seems so happy with their life in public except for me. I am so used to thinking negatively and being negative I find it almost impossible to change my views on things.
 

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Eric,

Welcome to the site! i am pretty new as well and love that on here you can vent or share your feelings with people who are going through similar experiences. i have all or most of these symptoms as well. part of my anxiety prior to finding this site was that i felt like i was all alone in feeling this way, as if i were the only socially anxious person on earth but now i know thats not true, which takes away some of my anxiety.
 

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Hey Eric, welcome to :sas
 

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:wel
 

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Thanks for sharing Eric and welcome to the site. I related a LOT with what you posted as I went through a tough first five years of my life and it has effected me to this day. However, there are some coping methods that I hope you can learn.

I went through a "robot" stage only about five years ago and it was really tough. I decided to turn off my feelings because of the extreme pain I was going through but eventually I was able to make it through that period and it only made me stronger and more assured in who I was as a person. If I survived that then I could survive any emotional difficulty, in my opinion.

I hope the same happens for you.
 

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Hi Eric, welcome to the site :)

I experience / have experienced practically everything you have listed as your symptoms. I can totally relate to you, and know how hard it makes living a normal life. Hopefully interacting with other people on this site will help you a lot in overcoming or lessening your symptoms. It has helped me realise that i'm not alone in the way I feel, and i've been given lots of support and great advice from a lot of great people - I Love it here! Although i'm still feeling very debilitated by my social anxiety, the support i've been given here has helped improve my confidence a great deal.

I hope you'll find these forums as supportive and friendly as I have. I'm sure you will :)
 

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Welcome, TheUnwelcome! :)
 
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